i received a call its from e clinic tis afternoon.. its abt e medical report of my mum.. though e nurse din really tell me wat is e pro but from her tone n stuff, i know things are not that simple.. it mux be sth bad but i duno wat it might be.. i dun really dare to tell my mum abt e nurse's tone n that it might be sth serious coz i dun wan her to be worrying e whole nite lo.. so i jux told her e doc jux wanna discuss sth wif her.. i am feeling quite bad now.. really duno wat the doc will say tml.. the thought of sth bad really chills me..

went out wif him again n jux reached home less den an hr ago.. wanted to watch final dest 3 but there were no more tics.. in e end, we went to eat Sizzlers at Suntec City..

haf been meeting him for 3 or 4 consecutive wks already.. it had been like those times b4 we broke up.. he can be really nice n swt at times.. but he can be insensitive n uncaring too..

jux know from him today that he had actually came n read at my blog twice when his fren told him abt my entries.. previously, he told me that he din come n read at all.. so when i knew abt it today, i finally know why andy tells me that actually the guys know wat we gers are doing n they will feel sad abt it..

i feel that tis blog is where i can express my emotions n where i can let out my fustration.. because other than here i duno who or where can i express my emotions n feelings to.. i will jux write how i feel at that moment of time.. it mayb be in a fit of anger or it mayb anything.. i know tat sometimes wat i say might hurt HIM but i really dun haf e intention of doing so.. i jux wan to be truthful when i write my entry.. on e other hand, i dun wan him to feel sorry n pity me abt wat i went thru during the 1st few mth aft we broke up lo.. that is y i feel quite upset when i know that he did read some of my entries today..

i really hope that he meant it when he say he had forgottten my blog add.. cox i really dun wan him to come n read at tis blog again..

been trying 4 a few days to update my collection of photos up here.. but as u can see here.. i din succeed.. haha.. been very confused abt how to resize it to e actual size i wan.. do until wanna puke blood liao..

drove to sch today 2 meet Gan n e others.. study there for abt 3 ~4 hrs.. well, e progress is definitely beta den i am at home.. at least i wont be tempted by my bed n tv there.. thk muz really go there often to study.. haha.. but i wont get to drive soon coz my dad is going to drive his car to e apartment carpark in town soon.. haiz..

haven really get into e momentum to study yet.. hope the momentum is on the way now.. i am waiting for you~~ haha.. asked me out k? i feel so sian staying at home e whole day to study.. i miss clubbing..

i had so much to write.. there is a special blog on my b'day.. haha.. cause there are so much things for me to upload n write.. so plz go to this webbie..... hehe..

http://yamz21stbirthday.blogspot.com/

today is my 21st b'day but early in e morning i still haf to go for my last POA lect in sch.. wanted to borrow my dad's car today n bring my mum to oasis n treat her to Thai Village during lunch time one but den my dad said he needs to use the car today lo.. argh~~ ppl dun wan to use car he oso dun wan, when i need liao den he wans to use it lo..

in e end i went to JP to meet my aunt cox she said wanna get me my b'day present from there.. i met my mum on my way at bukit batok stn n went there together.. we had our lunch 1st den went walking ard.. den we passed by a manicure shop n they jux went in to haf a pedicure treat.. leaving me there watching em enjoy themselves.. ( i cant do e pedicure cox of my 1st toe nail.. ) i waited for more den an hr for em lo.. duno today is their b'day or mine lo.. haha..

aft that, we finally go get my present liao.. i chose a diamond bracelet for my b'day.. hehe.. it was a present by my aunties, uncles n some cousin.. really wanna thx em for e present lo..

frankly speaking, i really dun feel anything abt being 21 now lo.. to some extent, i dun feel that today is my b'day.. until some fren msg me to wish me happy b'day.. i am really touched by those who send me e msg.. (u know who u are lo.. ) thx for being such a sweetie n nice fren.. *muackz* i love u guys..

another 2 days more to my 21st b'day.. i am feeling indifferent towards it.. should i be feeling that way?? is all e others feeling e same way like i do now when their 21st b'day is approaching or am i e odd one.... well, to me at tis moment, that day will jux be like another day where i will spend it in loneliness......

ever since i broke up wif him, i always haf tis feeling tat a part of me is missing.. n tis feeling is becoming stronger n stronger as e time passes by... that feeling is really unbearable lo.. sometimes in e middle of e nite or b4 i fell aslp, i will thk of e times we were together n den tears will fall down from my face once again..

i know it had been quite long since we broke up le.. i shouldnt be grieving over it anymore.. but whenever i thk that sth i once had will no longer be mine anymore i will feel...... i cant really explain it in words.. my heart will feel really pain......

someone say tis : "once u broke up wif e other party, the best way to forget em n carry on wif ur life is to get em out of ur life completely" i do agree wif this statement but carrying it out is another thing.. its always easier said den done.. for me, i really cant do it..

met him yest 4 my b'day celeb.. i was really surprised when i saw him holding onto a 'adidas' paper bag when he met me at YCK stn.. he had bought me sth that i haf been wanting for very long le.. its a 'adidas' jacket.. i am really touched by him cox he is really observant tis time round.. tis is e thing that i haf never experienced b4 when we were together.. i should say that it is really a pleasant surprise.. cox i never ever thk that i will receive his b'day present so soon.. am really really touched la..

but one thing is, anna they oso bought me e adidas jacket.. so now i haf 2 jackets for my b'day.. hehe.. well, its 2 diff design so i thk its alrite ba.. so ppl dun buy me anymore jacket liao.. i haf more den enuff le.. wahaha..

jux like any other day, we went to watch a movie den go haf our dinner.. aft a while he jux went back to camp while i went to my grandma place to bai bai... we stayed at my grandma house until 12 plus b4 going home n slp.. it was really tiring sia..

jux came back from a movie session wif my family at CWP.. it has been yrs since we last saw a movie together le.. thought tis time round, i only watched wif my mum n sis, while my dad n bro watched another show, its still consider as a family outing ba.. haha..

watched 'I Am Not Stupid Too'.. thk alot of teens will feel e same way as me aft they watched the show.. our parents are all like that.. they are more stingy wif complements n praises of us when we grow older.. they will tend to look more abt our bad pts den gd pts.. the last thing which i raise both hands to agree one is..... they will not let u haf any chance to do any explanation cox whenever u wan to explain they will jux continue their scolding or jux ask u to shut up..

that is why whenever my dad started nagging i will jux keep my mouth shut w/o making any effort to explain anymore.. coz from past experience it will jux make things worse so its beta to shut up n 'listen'.. explaining to an elder who always thk they are right is a waste of time n a tiring thing..

b4 e movie, we went to Courts n shop there for 2 hours.. cox my dad wanna change his furniture n buy a new set of surround system n tv..... in e end, we bought a new tv n a surround system.. haha.. looking forward to e 'theatre-like' experience in my house soon.. wahaha...

haiz.. he told me today that he cant celeb my b'day for me tis sat liao.. quite disappointed cox b4 i left 4 KL he told me he might be able to celeb for me on sat.. haiz.. well, wat to do... i cant expect anything from him oso.. thk tis yr no one will be celeb my b'day for me on e actual day liao.. haiz~~~~~~