duno wat to put for my header once again.. guess the lack of blogging this days has made me very bad with words n expressing myself once again... this is a really serious problem cause i cant articulate n show how i am feeling inside as freely as i used to do it..

i rem when i used to blog quite frequent in the past, things seems to be a lot more simpler to explain & i seemed to understand wat i wanted better... nowadays, i am really unsure.. unsure of wat i really want in my life.. sounds pathetic isnt it? think that is the transition state everyone talks about esp at my age....

today i was damn demoralised at work.. screwed up on the things i did for the team , i made it seems as if i din put in any effort but in fact i treat it really seriously.. over the weekend, i made it a pt to read n do up the whole thing but in e end, i still screwed it up because i use the wrong template & because of my nature of not being meticulous.. i admit that is a weakness of mine & now, i mus really look at it n improve on it seriously..

i was quite affected on wat happen at work today.. i cannot forgive myself for screwing this thing up & caused my team to be reminded again on the importance of this... i am quite particular about things at times & this is one of the issue that will affect me deeply...

but this time round, i am more lucky cause i have someone whom i can share n listen to me... i felt blessed not only because i can share things with him rather is more of me being ABLE to share things with comfortably... its been a long time since i felt i can trust in someone whom i am romantically inclined to... well, think its because i have been closing up & not being trusting for a very long time... i am really glad that i can feel that way towards HIM.. but i realise i still have some problems with myself.. i cant seem to be able to express myself freely with words... i am still quite bad at telling HIM how i feel towards him at times cause i duno how to not i dun wan to... maybe songs seems like a better way to express myself...

its sunday again~~

after i start working, i realised how precious weekends are... not forgetting to mention how short it is.... this is the only time when i can rest & meet HIM.. because of our working hours, its quite hard for us to meet up during weekday, so weekend becomes the only moment we can hang out n spend quality time with each other but its also because of that, he din really have much time left for his frenz & usual routine...

i hate to see him give up or should i say compromise wat he usually do so as to spend more time with me but den, on the other hand, i would like to spend more time with him also cause like wat i said this are the only days we met.. its hard to have the best of both world in life but i would really like to strike a balance on this issue....

yest while i was on the bus to meet him, i past by the usual route where i used to travel everyday to sch... its been a long time since i pass by there... reminded me of my sch days & quite alot of things also.. i realised that after i started working, time doesnt seems to be on my side anymore.. i am like not in control of my own time at all... there are alot of things which i want to do but because of the time constraint i can only think about it but not being able to implement it......

i am still unsure of wat i exactly want in my life.. i am living my life now for the sake of living it & not in line with the goal i had set for myself earlier on... its time to re-think about wat i wan & how should i go about to achieve it already... i missed my character in the past.. i missed the me who was 2 yrs back, though i am more reckless & dun really think about the consequences of the things i did, but i am much clearer of wat i wan & will go all out to achieve it... i am like more KIASI now.. is this because age is catching up on me??

forsaken~

this mus be the feeling of my blog now.. i haven been blogging for almost 2 mths.. erm, not because there is nth to blog, in fact alot of things happened during this 2 mths its just that i dont have the time to do so..

license going to be in soon.. been waiting for this moment for almost 6 mths.. finally can go onto the battlefield.. things will only be getting tougher n tougher, wonder how it will turn out...

maybe in the future it will be even harder for me to come here to blog...