study day wif ah ma~~

went out to study wif ah ma at scotts.. haha.. as usual, she was late.. but its still ok la.. coz i can study on my own 1st.. quite happy wif myself today coz it had been a very long time since i study so much n so long le.. i study for almost 6 hours today lo.. really so encouraging.. haha..

went to the HK restaurant at taka for dinner aft some window shopping.. realise that i haven been shopping for a very long time le.. really miss the feeling of shopping lo.. but now super broke.. no income.. haiz..

i thk i should conc on my studies from now onwards.. shouldnt be thking anything abt him anymore.. aft all, it seems like getting nowhere at all.. everything jux go back to e same way as it is.. when its time to let go, we should jux let go.. there is no pt for being stubborn n hang on to sth that will haf no future.. it will jux make u feel miserable n tired u out.. i know its hard but tis is not e 1st time i am doing that.. hope the road ahead will be easier den b4 ba.. :)

HE is still e same.. nth has changed~~

he disappointed me once more.. tis time round, i really haf nth to say le..

tis couple of days i am not so clear headed as now.. i should jux lead the life which i haf been leading tis few mths ba..

let wat happen tis couple of days be jux a dream.. a beautiful dream n memories.. thk its beta tis way ba..

i cried while reading tis~~

The guy who loves you, if he can't always see you, he will try to make himself busy, for not to have any time to remember you, because he knew, if he did, he will keep on missing you until he could do nothing.

The guy who loves you can't tell you the reason why he loves you. he only knows that in his eyes you are the only one

The guy who loves you seldom praises you but inhis heart, you are the best, only he knows it.

The guy who loves you will worry sick or complain if you don't reply his messages because he cares.

The guy who loves you, Only sheds his tears in front of you, and when you try to wipe his tears, you are touching his heart, the heart that beats for you.

The guy who loves you will remember every word u said, even its accidental.. and he will use those words always in the nick of time.

The guy who loves you will not promise that easily, because they don't want to break that promise he wants you to believe him and he wants to give you the happiest and safest life always

The guy who loves you always tells you not to think too much, because he planned everything he wants to give u the perfect life in the future, he wants to surprise you believe that he can do it.

The guy who loves you, will go to airport to fetch you, he won't carry a bouquet of roses and call you darling like what you expect. but he willcarry your luggage and ask you "why have you becom eso thin in two days?" with his sincere heart.

The boy who loves you will listen quietly to you,when you are mad, and when you finished talking he will say "you have class tomorrow, sleep earlier with a smile. I'll make sure you do.."

The boy who loves you doesn't know whether he should call you when you are angry, but he will send a message to you after a few hours, if you ask him why he call that late, he will say when you are angry, my explanation will be rubbish.But when you calm down, my explanation will work.

The boy who loves you always calls you a kid, but everytime he wants to make a big decision, he will want to hear your advice first

The guy who loves you don't like toys like teddy bears, but he will always put the bear you gave him on his bed. and hug it everytime he sleeps cuz it reminds him of you

The guy who loves you, when quarrelling, will apologize non-stop, even though if you're the one who's wrong, he just wants you to be happy.

The guy who loves you, when he really misses you, he will want to buy you a bouquet of roses and wait for you stupidly outside your front door and when you shockingly find him there, he'll already be asleep dreaming of you

he is treating me really sweet now.. it had been very long since i feel tis way..

he accompanied me to the Lib coz i wan to study while he jux go there read magazine.. n he waited for me for 2 hrs while i went for tuition.. in e past i dun thk he will even do that lo.. he will jux go back home n rest..

really confused now.. i really duno wat i wan n wat he wan oso.. mayb i should jux leave it alone n dun thk abt it 1st ba.. will that be a beta way out??

am i dreaming??

quite a couple of things happened tis 3 days.. really duno how to start..

we went out yest.. had been planning tis outing for more den a wk.. HE offered to fetch me.. but i told him to meet me at e woodlands stn instead.. we took the train to orchard n went Lido to catch a Flightplan..

there was still time b4 e movie so i went BK to grab a bite 1st.. it had been a very long time since i last went Lido to watch movie le.. it reminds me of the past when i went there wif a senior.. muz tell u all lo, the Lido 1 theatre is super duper cold lo.. dun be like me, din bring jacket over.. was freezing n shivering there thruout the show.. but he did ask me whether i need his shirt for warmth as he is wearing 2 outfit.. last time, when i tell him i am cold he oso will do nth lo.. but now, he is offering me even w/o me saying anything..

we walked to the Glasshouse to eat Fish & Co.. we had been wanting to go there to eat le.. but sth will always crop up at the last min.. finally tis time we can eat there w/o any obstruction.. din get a chance to sit on e top level.. thk it is always close unless there is some special occasion..

aft dinner, we walked to esplanade there.. wanted to go One Fullerton for coffee one.. but in e end find ourself to be too full for coffee.. so we jux find a bench n sit down to enjoy the scenary.. we started chatting n he jux lie down n took a nap.. n later, he told me sth that i never tot i will hear again from him.. he asked sth that i never dare to imagine he will.. i was really taken aback lo..

i really duno how to reply him.. actually there are alot of factors to consider.. alot alot.. i really need more time to thk abt the answer.. i din gif him a reply at all.. we stayed there n continue chatting until 1245 n he sent me home.. wat we did today n how he treated me today was all wat i wanted in e past.. but he jux din do it..

its 21st oct~~ our supposedly 2nd yr anni~~

the day has finally come.. the day i dreaded n wished for at e same time is finally here.. i really duno i am feeling happy or sad now.. but definitely, i am feeling down.. jux wan to remain quiet n dun wish to do anything..

if in e past i will be super happy lo.. coz we are able to celeb our anni.. but now, things are so diff.. jux like last yr i wont be receiving any happy anni sms from him.. last yr cox he is in taiwan for his army thing, tis yr..... i am no longer in that position to ask for anything anymore..

from now on, 21st oct will jux be an ordinary day for me n him.. it will not be a special date share by us anymore.. haiz.. really feeling damn down now la.. duno he knows wat is the date today or not.. duno whether he still rem its our supposedly 2nd yr anni or not.. wonder he will feel down jux like me?? even its a little twinny winny bit i will oso be damn happy lo..

wat he sms me today really makes me feel damn happy n pampered lo.. he actually rem wat i told him to do n he is doing it for me now.. i never tot he will lo.. i dun even dare to hope or wish for it.. but he is doing it now.. feel damn happy when i saw his sms but aft a while e sad feeling came in.. how come when we are together that time he is not that sweet?? mayb i take everything for granted ba.. or mayb he take me for granted.. haha.. wat is tis...

feeling so lethargic now.. feeling so listless now.. feeling damn confused now.. argh~~~

i need tutoring~~

jux came back from supper wif em again.. but tis time round i din eat la. jux put back my 1 kg which i lost a few days back.. damn demoralised lo.. haha..

well, was doing my poa tutorial jux now.. realised i duno how to do alot of qns lo.. die liao sia.. mux really buck up from now on liao.. cant play so much le.. argh~~ sadded ah.. from tml onwards, i muz start my at least 3 hr of revision per day thing again liao.. tis is e only way for me to catch up wat i miss.. esp for my poa n econs lo.. haha..

havoc day~~

ha.. i jux woke up from my slp.. yest i went out for e whole 24 hour lo.. superb rite..

been out from home since 8 for sch.. went to sch to help alvin search 4 his hp.. he had misplaced it since yest lo.. den anthan called the organiser of the talentime to ask whether they had seen his fone n he tolf me that i had got into talentime le.. i was like looking at him in shocked lo.. coz he said he n alvin din got in.. but we got in for e duet.. actually till tis moment, i still dun believe him lo..

i intend to go for poa in e afternoon one but den they are checking attendace n die die dun let me in for lect lo.. so i went back aft getting my notes wif alvin they all.. muz thx em for U-turning back to fetch me lo.. hee.. pai seh har.. haiz.. quite sadded for missing the poa lect lo.. coz my poa now is damn jia lat la.. really mux buck up for tis subj le..

went to ktv wif em after picking up edward.. sort of like going there to choose e songs for duet ba.. from 2 plus sing till 6 plus lo.. aft that we went to haf our dinner at vista pt.. it had been a long time since i last went there le.. haha.. aft dinner me, philip n edward took a cab home coz we need to be out by 915 again..

it was the 1st time that i reached home bath le den rushed out again lo.. it was really rush lo.. i jux stepped out of the bathroom den they told me muz meet in 5 min time liao.. but i haven make up n prepare anything lo.. it was really havoc la.. haha.. jux chop chop prepare liao den went to meet philip at his void deck le.. hee..

meet anthan they all at woodlands stn n we take a train to yishun.. they decide to take a cab from there instead to MS lo.. coz only like that we will reach by 1030 for e promo thing.. but e queue was damn long there la.. in e end, we went to momo instead.. while walking i pass by the route i walked wif HIM while celeb our last anni togehter.. i never tot i will haf a chance to walk that route again coz it was quite out of place for me to go there again lo.. feel abit down while walking pass there.. but heng gt anthan they all to joke wif me, at least it makes me feel beta.. hehe..

it was my 1st time to go momo.. the palce was quite nice la.. but den it jux lack sth lei.. as compared to my previous clubbing, tis is not as happening.. erm.. mayb i really dun like clubbing so much now le.. it was quite sian to me now.. we left at 1 plus n go to play pool at queenstown there.. i was really tired n fall aslp there lo.. haha.. we stayed there until 5 n decide to go for our breakfast.. but it was raining heavily lo.. we will be stranded there if we din meet the kind bus uncle..

we stopped him asked him for a ride out.. aft chatting den we know he was going to changi airport lo.. n we decide to follow him.. happening rite.. 1st time hear ppl go clubbing n end up in e airport lo.. everyone slp on e journey there lo, guess we were all very tired le ba.. we had BK breakfast at e airport.. it was really a very special experience lo.. haha.. thk it will jux happen once in a lifetime sia.. haha..

we took a maxi cab back coz gt 5 of us n we cant take a normal cab lo.. it was e 1st time i took a maxi cab lo but i am too tired to go n explre the car liao.. haha.. i reached home at 7 plus, the time i woke up yest lo.. i haf been up for almost 24 hr le.. superb sia.. e moment i finish bathing n remove my make up, i lie flat on my bed n was on my way to dreamland liao.. haha..

audition days~~

haha.. tis few days haf been ahving my auditions for talentime lo.. yest was the solo one while today is e duet one.. well, really love the feeling of standing on the stage 2 perform n hear the applause from the audience.. ever since JJ talentime, i haf never feel tis way b4 le.. it really reminds me of my JCs days sia.. haha.. it was really a grest feeling..

yest audition was fun la.. wif anthan doing all thsoe stuns.. haha.. den today's duet is actually decided last min one.. me & alvin decide to join the duet category last min yest.. at 1st i wanted to join wif anthan one but he was not ard when the person-in-charge told alvin we can join even now lo.. so i partner wif alvin instead le.. well, feel quite bad towards anthan lo.. pai seh lei.. den there is this contestant who is very nice as to lend us thier disc for the song.. hehe..

but den we had no time to practise until today lo.. thus i din went for poa lect which is a grave mistake lo.. coz today they gif out notes n we muz take attendance b4 we can get the notes lo.. duno tml when i go they will stil gif me or not lei.. haiz.. the 4 of us met up at cwp for lunch at kfc.. aft that, me n anthan went to alvin's house while philip went to work le..
we practise until 3 plus den went to sch le.. we reached quite early lo so the SRC ppl allows us to practise wif all the equipment n stuff..

guess wat?? i am influenced by Mr alvin's contagious disease lo.. the ' lyrics forgetting' disease.. i kept forgetting my lyrics after practising wif him lo.. argh~~ during the actual performance, i forgot part of the lyrics lo.. super sia suay lo.. argh~~ erm.. forget to mention abt my JJ senior, Guochao.. today den i know that he can sing n play the guitar so well lo.. it was really impressing..

we went back b4 the whole thing ended coz i need to rush for my tuition n i was damn late for it liao lo.. super tired aft my tuition lo.. tml still gt full day in sch.. really will die ah.. haiz.. but den.. tis 2 days it was really very fun ah.. very long never experience tis kind of feelings b4 le.. haha..

i am really getting fatter n fatter...

argh~~~ i haf been troubled over my weight n figure for e past few weeks lo.. i haf been growing fatter n fatter.. n guess wat, i jux came back from supper n i ate a super sinful CHEESE prata.. oh my god... wahaha.. cham liao la.. duno until when den i can go back to my 48 kg weight le.. argh~~ n e worse thing is i might be going to sentosa on tis sat lo.. but i am still so fat.. how sia...

stayed at home e whole day today.. actually gonna go study wif anthan at e lib one but last min sth happen at home n i had to cancel it.. really sorry lei.. once in a lifetime for him to ask us out to study but i haf to gif it a miss or should i say cancel it.. really dui bu qi ta.. haha..

thk i muz haf some motivation for me to go on a dieting prog liao.. n i mean a real dieting one lo.. haha.. normal i will say i wan to diet but e next moment i will be looking for food to munch.. haha.. super no determination lo.. den i cant go jogging liao sia, coz my thigh is super big now lo.. thk jogging will make it worse.. haha.. mayb i shall turn to swim but den it will broaden my shoulder lei.. wa.. in a dilemma lo.. haha..

erm.. muz set goals liao.. i muz go back to 48kg by 21st oct no matter wat.. hehe.. wish me gd luck.. wahaha.. but den i thk i need more determination rather den luck la.. haha..

i have move on, havent i?

tis is a qns i haf been asking myself but till today, i still cant find e ans... i will still feel upset, i will still cry for him.. i still cant bear to delete away those sms he sent me.. i am such a failure rite..

from wat he say to me, it seems that he had already move on le.. i tot i oso.. but i am jux deceiving myself.. i thk if he gt a gf now, i will be damn heartbroken n sad lo.. ( very selfish to thk tis way rite ?) hee..

going for a run wif philip soon.. hope i can feel beta aft exercising..

He asked me out~~

yup, we went out today.. tis couple of times, he was e one asking me wanna go out or not.. feel abit weird lo.. coz normally i am e one asking him out in e past one.. thk i cant get used to it ba..

intended to go cut my hair one but in e end feel lazy.. hehe.. he offered to go wif me n asked me wan him come woodlands n meet me ma.. wow, it was so unlike him lo.. i am really taken aback by him.. mayb he really treat his fren nicer n beta ba.. or becoz to me he is juz a fren now, so my expectation of him is lower.. thus when he offers to acc me n come meet me, i feel really appreciative..

i met him at orchard straight la.. ha.. walked ard orchard den went to eat at Rice Table.. one of our favourite restaurant in e past.. it changed quite alot there le.. jux like our r/s.. we chatted abt quite alot of stuff n i asked alot of qns which i dun dare to ask in e past.. cleared alot of my doubts.. duno its gd to make everything so clear or not.. haha.. sometimes things are beta left unsaid, dun they?

while walking next to him, had tis urge to hold his hand.. haha.. thk i am really too used to holding his hand le, that's y had tis urge.. haha.. muz really change tis 'habit'.. really scare that one day, i will jux naturally go hold his hand w/o me knowing wat i am doing lo.. by that time it will be super pai seh lo.. haha..

aft dinner we continue to walk ard until 8 plus.. den i went back to wlds meeting philip n anthan they all for last min cfm ktv session, while he went back to his camp le.. feel abit empty inside again aft i parted wif him.. duno y tis is always happening... when i was wif him, i am ok lo.. but when we parted, i will haf a kind of feelings which i duno how to describe.. it really makes me feel terrible..

i love sushi~~

haha.. i went to crash the Econs lect today.. was damn scared will be kena chased out lo but heng din.. aft the Econs lect which ended quite late today, the 4 of us, ( anthan, alvin, philip n me ) took a cab to cine to feast.. haha.. finally gt company to go eat sushi buffet wif me liao.. i had been craving for it for very long liao lo.. hehe..

today, my diet plan was ruined once again.. i eat quite alot lo.. den we still play games in there n the forfeit is to eat the food which we dun like or wif EXTRA stuff.. haha.. but it was really fun la.. i love to go eat buffet lo.. coz can eat n joke ard n do all kind of stupid stuffs.. tis is esp true wif the 'ah's gang'.. hehe.. 1st time see anthan so quiet n looked so stress lo.. wahaha.. thk he really eat until super duper full lo..

aft the meal, i went back wif philip while the other 2 went to work.. den i begin to slack at home liao, wan to go swim or run one but in e end too lazy to move.. haha.. the day was fun la.. but at nite, i feel abit sad again liao.. mayb i really suffering from pms ba, n is those really frequent kind one lo..

actually we had been continuing smsing each other everyday for almost a wk le.. jux like frenz n stuff lo.. well, the feeling of it is quite gd lo.. as in really behaving like normal frenz, smsing n suaning each other lo.. i am really quite contented n happy that we are back to the normal times again b4 we are together le.. but den, duno y aft reading a frenz blog, i feel down again.. wat is tis lo.. haiz..

damn tired now..

been really lazy n busy tis days to come online.. haha.. i cant believe that i slp at 10 on tue lo.. duno for how long since i did that le.. its really an achievement lo.. haha..

went ktv wif alvin, philip, anthan n billy.. i need to go there to pick some songs for my talentime audition next wk.. they are really nice lo, went on tue le den still acc me go yest.. haha.. really appreciate that lo.. aft the session we went to woodgrove coz edward was there le.. but i can say that i am damn tired lo.. tis few days i am like din slp enuff though i slp alot lo.. wahaha..

i muz say abt my shopping trip in KL now.. or else gt no chance to say liao...

Sat morning i took a cab n go fetch ah ma & her fren, wanyu and the 3 of us went down to golden mile.. muz really complain that the bus driver was taking their own sweet time lo.. make us waste another precious hr on the bus slping.. we could haf shop at KL wif that 1 hr one lo..

in e end we reached e hotel nearly at 3.. e moment we stepped into the room, put down our stuff we chiong liao.. wahaha.. super duper hungry lo.. n i am having gastric liao.. we hurried to.. yes is hurried over to eat the super nice Hong Kong food at the shopping centre.. it was damn nice lo.. *slurp* i still miss the thick peanut toast now lo.. haha..

rite aft the food session we start our SHOPPING SPREE.. haha.. it was really fun to go shopping wif gals lo.. we can be so crazy n fun.. haha.. kp on taking n trying the clothes.. guess wat, we bought the same belt, same skirt n top.. haha.. there is only one conclusion, our taste is gd.. wahaha.. we shop from 4 plus to 10 lo.. until e shop close den we are happy to go back.. but i muz tell u, it was really tiring.. haha..

we went to secret recipe to haf our late dinner.. but me n ah ma were not really hungry, so we share the food instead.. aft the dinner, we went back to the hotel n bath le.. din go to chinatown, coz we all gals ma.. den thk its abit unsafe for us to go there lo.. sadded.. we slack at the hotel room, trying our new clothes n trying each other's clothes.. it was damn fun lo..

at 12 plus, we decide to go down n eat bak kut teh.. haha.. i jux couldnt care abt dieting liao la.. the bak kut teh was so so la, but the carrot cake is damn power lo.. haha.. we seat at the shop n chat until 2 den went back to the room le.. tis time is to rest liao.. haha..

i go slp liao la.. continue tml .. haha.. nitez guys..

i am back from my shopping spree~~ haha

haha.. damn tired now lo.. went jogging wif philip n alvin jux now.. muz burn some fats for the sake of my sentosa body.. hehe... but den actually i am feelin abit sick n shag from e trip lo.. my throat feels abit funny n i am super tired n lethargic today lo.. that's y i went jogging, hoping that some exercising will improve e condition n release some endorphin to make me happy.. haha..

but actually i am quite happy liao la.. coz went shopping at KL.. it was the 1st time i went abroad wif my frenz.. though its only to KL ( the place where i will go more den 2 times a yr ), its the experience that counts.. hehe.. really quite fun la.. but there were more frenz wif us i thk it will be really beta lo..

erm.. very tired now liao... will update wat happen at KL in the next blog.. so stay tuned~~~ hehe.. i love KL..