i am back~~~ jux came back from my once a yr 'New Yr KL trip' tis afternoon.. its always as boring as ever... the only thing that cheers me up is the shopping trip.. but tis time round i din buy alot of clothes oso..

1st day :
reached there b4 8 am.. my dad drove damn fast n it took us less den 3 hrs to reach there.. e moment we reached e hotel, me n my mum quickly rushed off to e shopping centre le.. time is money u know.. haha.. esp when most shop wont be open 4 e next few days.. at nite, we went out for dinner wif my relatives there..

haiz.. chi new yr is over... e next big thing will be my 21st b'day liao.. cannot imagine that i am turning 21 in less than 2 wks.. will anything changed aft that??? well, mayb my thking n my perspective of life will change.. haiz.. damn scare to thk abt it la...

heard a very saddening news today.. its abt my aunt one, she needs to go thru a operation n it will be really hard for her to go thru that.. both emotionally n physically.. felt really pity towards her but i cant do anything at all to help her.. the only thing i can do is acc her to go shopping today..

rite aft sch, i went to orchard to meet her n my mum.. we tried to keep her company so that she wont thk so much n she is behaving very normally jux like any other shopping trip.. but deep inside we know that she is jux puttin on a brave front lo.. at times when we return from e washroom trip, we can see her sitting there n staring into e space.. seeing her like tis really pains me alot lo..

it once again let me see that how fragile we are n how we always take things for granted.. only when sth happened den we will treasure wat we always had but din take a moment to realise its importance.. really feeling very sad now lo..

went to e Lib n study today.. finally i studied for >4 hrs.. its such an achievements for me lo.. esp it had been so long since i last did intensive studying like this.. but i nearly got tempted by my mum wif her shopping trip at Bugis wif my aunt.. haha..

i met HIM today n acc him to see the Chi Sin Sei cox he sprained his ankle during a ball game last wk.. i studied until 4 plus n went to meet him at CWP.. aft having our dinner there n haf a short window shopping time, we went to e clinic.. its actually very near to my place..

haiz.. very vexed now.. still thking abt my bday chalet thing.. duno wan to haf ladies nite or not.. feel like asking those jc guys along too.. thk it will be more fun lo.. argh~~~ any suggestions ???

realise that i haven been updating my blog for a very long time.. esp for dec one.. there is only a few entries.. haha.. thk i muz come more often to update le.. 1 gd pt abt writing blog is when u look back at wat u haf wrote previous, u will sometimes fine urself very stupid to be bothered by such tinny- winny stuff that u thk it SO BIG at that moment..

i really cant stand myself these days la.. been very restless n listless.. wats happening to me?? isit the symptom of me growing old!! well, i thk so lo.. ever since i step into this no. 2 world, i haf been feeling very sian n tired abt going out n staying out late... i dun haf e vibrant anymore..

mock exam is in another 6 wks time but i can tell u i haven even read thru 1/4 of my notes.. thk i will sure flunk for my mock.. dun really haf e feelings n mood to study at all.. nth to motivate me.. tml i am going to e Lib n really study intensively.. hope i can at least pick up some pace n find some motivation...

been racking my brain for a theme for my 21st bday party.. finally decide on one that is easier to achieve one.. haha.. BEACH WEAR.. its more suitable oso la.. since rite in front of my chalet is a small pool.. so everyone can jux go for a dip if they feel warm.. haha.. but frankly speaking i still prefer e SLP WEAR one.. haha.. well, shall wait for another occasion to organise that ba.. hehe...

yest was helping my mm making loveletter so forsake my studying schedule.. today i am trying to make it back but well, it only lasted 2hrs?? haha..

tis couple of days, the weather is really grey n sad.. well, it is jux the exact thing i am feeling rite now.. i haf been having tis feelings, ever since tat day, HIS attitude towards me changed.. and i got this feeling once again, i am at his mercy once more.. his action n words will haf a directly effect on my mood n feelings.. frankly speaking i hate that, i hate to be out of control again.. that is why i am trying to put an end to tis.......

now, i mux conc on my studies n revision.. i cant let history repeat itself.. i dun wan to flunk like how i did in JC.. i duno whether i should blame him partly for my failure, mayb i should even blame n hate myself for being so easily influenced..

thk i muz really re-organise my feelings n mood to welcome the Chi New Yr.. n my dreadful MOCK exam in march..

wow.. realised i had been abandoning tis blog for more den 10 days.. haha.. been really lazy to come online & i really duno should i write wat had been happening in my life for e past 10 days here or not.. in e end i thk i should let em stay inside my mind cox it is e safest place to keep em..

chinese new yr is jux 3 wks from now.. time really passes by very quickly w/o u realising.. i still rem last yr how i went to the Chinatown New Yr bazaar wif HIM n it seems like yest.. i oso din realise that we had broke up for more den 7 mths le.. sometimes the sad feelings will still haunt me whenever i thk of the times we were together.. i will still feel sad, disappointment n ke xi..

well, time is really a very scary thing.. esp at tis period of my life.. i feel scared when i know that chi new yr is coming n it is coming so soon.. last time i will be very excited abt it but now, i feel scared..
in another 5 wks, i will be turning 21.. well, it means i will n muz be more responsible n take on more responsibility.. i still cant believe that i am going to be 21 soon lo.. i felt like i am still in my teens n behave like one oso.. haiz.. jux when will i behave n become a grown up??