alot of things happened to me recently & i had been letting all those problems accumulating w/o solving it... that is all because i actually have no idea to go n deal with the problem & its sometimes out of my means now to solve it even though i knew the solutions.. felt damn helpless all the time but to others i am still acting on to be strong & pretend that i can & am capable to deal with all this things on my own...
nowadays, i am more interested in making money than other things.. i have even placed it as my 1st priority now.. in e past, my family & studies are the 1st & 2nd respectively now....... i haven been touching on my notes n studies for quite some time.. even if i do, its only MA.. for all those assignment that was required, i did none at all.. its e 1st time in my entire 3 yrs that i am doing this.. i cant say that i am a very hardworking student that will constantly do her revision but i am someone who will try my best to hand up the assignment in e past no matter wat...
this wk, things gt worse.... i cant even conc in lectures & listen to wat the lecturer is talking about because my mind will be all about part time job & how to solve my monetary issue.... i had become a slave for money w/o me realising.. wat's happening tis yr makes me realise the impt of money...... like wat i say in e past, it might be my karma... last time i am living too well le... everything is well provided for me & i dun really need to worry about all this kinda things that i am worried about now...
unlike the past, i am more open to others about my problem.. i dun thk i will even write about all those things that i had just written above in e past at all... not even wanting to tell my close frenz about it cause i thk it just only show em that i am a weakling & it just make em feel that u are making a fuss over sth... well, at this pt of time, i still thk tat way but i am not afraid to show that i am a weakling anymore cause i know everyone will have their weak moment & needed some help from others...
but no matter wat, i will still try my best not to break down & cry in front of others... over my entire life, i can use one hand to count how many times have i cried in front of my frenz... this figure include those face to face & over the phone one...
today sth happened b/w me & my mum.. i was damn pissed with wat she did & went off just like tat.... partly because i need to go somewhere to pay my dad's bill but mainly due to i need some time alone, away from her cause i know both of us staying together at that time will not do each other any gd... its e 1st time this thing happened...
i called anna out & meet me ard her area... wanna thx her for her company.. she came out & accompany me specially even though her exam is like 9 days away.... i really need someone's company at that pt of time & was really glad that she was the one ard.... thx darling for ur companion, for ur listening ear, for ur time, for ur everything.........
i came back home & my mum wanted to chat with me... seriously, i dun thk she get my pt & i dun thk i get hers at that time lo... or should i correct it to, she NEVER get my pt on that particular issue b4, even until now, she dun get it.. i really din see a pt in continuing that conversation at that time lo... its really quite redundant to continue that topic cause its just a waste of each other time...
i dun dare to say that i am a very fillial daughter but most of the time i will go along with wat my mum say but wat happened today really make me damn pissed with her & makes me 'officially' hang up her call w/o feeling any guiltiness at all for the very 1st time.... i thk i am really damn damn mad with her.. in e past, no matter wat happened i will try my best to put her health in e 1st place but today, i just dun give a damn about it totally..... its e 1st time in my life that i thk she is really being TOO MUCH....
so u guys know how bad i felt inside of me.... with wat happened today & the problems that had been accumulating like mths back, i broke down in my room... felt badly in need to chat to someone or at least have someone who is over the phone with me... aft a msg was sent to a fren asking whether can i call him, my phone ring.. the moment i picked up the call, i just started tearing for no apparent reason.. thk the person on e other side was stumped... haha... as for me, i duno who was on e other line also cause i din even let him have the chance to speak & i just shocked him..... only aft a few line of consolation conversation den i started asking who he is.... it turned out to be yang..... come to thk of wat happened just now, its quite funny..... but at that pt of time, my mind just couldnt thk & i just couldnt control my tears & stop crying.... its really damn bad.... i just wanna thx him for his call cause at that time, its really wat i needed the most....
really wanna thx anna & yang for being there for me when i needed em the most.. i am really appreciative towards wat they had done for me.. no words can describe how grateful i am towards em at this pt of time.... once again, thx guys.....
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