conclusion~~~

in another few hours time, this yr will be coming to an end... was reading a few of my past months entries, trying to do a wrap up & conclusion for this yr... realise i had experienced alot of different type of feelings.. from those that i am familiar with in e past to those that i only started to encounter them this yr...

its a very eventful yr for me.. thk alot of ppl might not went thru wat i had at all.. is that blessing in disguise for em not to?? erm.. well, it depends on how u see it ba.. its really a beautiful memories that will enact itself in my mind forever.. from the start we all know that its sth that will not have any happy ending.. sometimes i felt that it ended too fast after all we had gone thru.. but a frenz word enlighten me today... now, i am glad that we end it earlier & i am really appreciative of his decision to let go of me at that pt of time.. if not, the pain will be even more & things might haf turned uglier.. i admit the pain is unbearable but at least its reduced to its minimum....

other than r/s stuff, its my life... work life, sch life etc... work life was great, i haf a wonderful & fun loving bunch of colleagues.. wat's not so gd is the after event which caused the company to get suspended & my pay, not coming in yet even until now... this further complicate my sch life which requires me to pay my sch fees other den worrying about my stupid modules which i find it difficult to catch up with... even if i am on a lambo, i doubt i am able to catch up with wat the lecturer are teaching... they seem to be manoveuring a spacecraft!!!

den its my family.. a few things happened but it makes our family much stronger.. we have developed a bond which we have never had b4.... we are closer now, talking to each other more now & listening to each other more also... i am having the most wonderful & precious gift in this world.. my family... they are my motivation, the ppl that kps me moving & alive.... dun thk i am such a strong person, i did felt giving up on myself & my life b4.... the tots did flashed across my mind but it din stayed long...

frenz are another source of support for me.. they were there helping me, trying to help me & listening, giving me advice when i needed it the most... this is really a tough year... i hope that everything will be better in e yr to come & i can leave everything behind.....

back from genting~~

this yr genting's x'mas lighting is very nice...

finally i am back from genting.. but i am not e least excited about coming back home cause of all e assignment that's gonna to be due this wk, the budget constraint thingy, the working thingy etc.... coming back means i have to face all this problems & i hate to do that but i know staying in genting wont be a solution at all also.. it only makes me becoming more n more like an ostrich, only know how to run away from problems....

the 3 days 2 night trip din help me to relax or refresh me at all.. thk the stay is too short & also most of the time, i am indoor @ e casino... not outdoor, enjoying the cool breeze n nature environment.. talking about cool breeze, the weather this time round is consider warm.. there's no mist at all.. 1st time there for 3 days but not a moment its misty... OMG, look wat global warming is doing to our nature... a dec period but there's no mist at genting... thk in another few yrs down e road, it might not feel cool at all....

1st day :

we left singapore ard 7 plus & only managed to reach KL at 12... had our lunch at a small restaurant serving the best fish i had ever eaten.. its very fresh & the meat is really supple yet soft.... miss their famous tofu..

we went checked in ard 3 plus & went to the casino aft that with my mum.. as for my dad, sis & bro, they went to the starbuck to go online.. we only go for our dinner at 9 cause of the heavy lunch we had...

dinner at pizza hut :

aft dinner, we walked ard for a while & go to do our own things.. managed to slp ard 4 plus..

2nd day :

woke up ard 10 plus by my dad as usual.. he is always our alarm clock, waking us up for breakfast whenever we went on a trip.. if not, we will slp ard 12 plus or even later.. hehe.. went to have roti prata at the shop inside the carpark of resort hotel.. very little tourist know about this place, its very hidden but the food is gd...

aft breakfast, we went to the shop at the old bus terminal.. there is a new coffee restaurant there.. another change in genting within 6 mths...

queuing for the tickets..

we had our dinner at the coffee terrace, enjoying their international buffet.. dun really like the desserts that they served this time round.... its all those x'mas cookies & stuffs.. dun really like it...

that is how we will look like after having too much buffets... haha...

guess my dad is very bored... he drive us here specially even though he is not a gambling person & wat he did at genting was slp, go online, watch dvd at the cafe & reading newspaper... hehe.. he is really very nice to come with us....

my lovely daddy...

last night in genting~~~

Yes I am back to genting once again.. have been wanting to come here for months & finally have a chance to do so with my parents….

Tonight is my last night here for the hols & also my last night here for the entire 2007.. in another 2 more days, we will be stepping into a brand new yr.. everything that had happened this yr will be a thing of the past, just like him to me no matter how I wish that will not be the case.. he is my perfect type of guy… the bf whom I wished I will have when I was young… fulfilling most of my expectations of a guy but just too bad, he is not available for me.. well, thk gd guys are just hard to come by & even if they do, they are taken…. Haiz…

Oh… I did a very stupid thing today.. thk it’s a subconscious thingy.. I am staying on the 26th floor of tower 2 which is a floor below the room of where we used to stay.. I did tot of going up there to walk along the pathway once again but rationality stop me from doing so… this afternoon, when I reached the lift lobby, I duno why I go n press the ↑ button when I should press the other one.. so I just leave it to fate to decide which way I should go by seeing which direction lift will reach 1st but in my heart I was praying the ↓ one will come 1st.. well, I supposed heaven just wan me to face the whole thing for e one last time bravely.. e lift came & I went up to the 27th floor, alone this time round, taking the same old pathway to the room where we used to stay…. ( thk I am just practically sick la… ) not feeling wat I tot I am supposed to feel… just some flash back of the memories & that’s it…

I went downstairs as if nth has happened.. but another coincidental thing happened.. guess no one will believe it or if anyone do, they will thk I am very bo liao also... hee… already felt very stupid for going up to the 27th floor le.. dun wan to make myself seems more n more like a loser.. so this will be kept as a secret…

The weather here tis time round is not as cold as the previous times I came but to me, I cant even stand going outdoor for 5 min, let alone like last time, sitting outside for an hour listening to my mp3…

A lot had happened during this 1 yr period… its like a roller coaster ride for me.. within this short period of a yr, I have tasted almost all the feelings & gone through a lot which someone might not have gone through for their entire life… I have grown up a lot because of all those things that I had went through & I wanna thx those ppl who was there contributing to what had happened in my life… be it those who hurt me or be it those who have helped me through.. I just wanna thx em for playing a part for wat has become of me now…

A brand new yr will be going to start in another 2 more days.. for those who wanna contribute their share in my life, better be fast cause I am gonna devote most of my time or should I say all of my life on my studies & family… that will be my new yr resolution which i will make sure to fulfil it.. :)

X'mas celebration~~

jingle bell jingle bell jingle all e way~~~ yeah.... finally the long awaited X'mas eve is over.. will be going down to shu's place in less den an hour for our annual JJC gang gathering.. haha.. it has been a routine ever since we grad from JJ to celeb x'mas together at shu's place...

as for yest, in e morning i fetched my mum, sis & bro to buy their textbooks... the whole thing took almost an hour lo, luckilyi brought james' notes over to read or else gonna rot there doing nth... aft that i was at home doing my dad's proposal.. has been working on it for almost a wk... 1st time doing proposal in my life.... its like pre-preparation for my working life la....

in e evening, i went to meet qing cheng at jurong east cause his cousin & him duno how to go to brandon aka bra's place... they had prepared alot of food when we reached.. there are sandwiches kindly prepared by his mum, agar-agar by baozhu, chicken wings fried by brandon ( looks abit chao-dar but taste really gd... ) not forgeting my salad, cheng's haagen-daz ice-cream log cake which cost S$90+ * faintz* , jean darling spag & dory fish...... the food really filled up the whole table ( including our stomach )...

jean darling & the whole table of food.. ( that's only part of wat we prepared.. )

the legendary log cake... the snowman is damn cute!!!

after dinner we were slacking at the living room, taking pictures & doing our gift exchange...

jean darling was really excited about the session.. really so ke ai lo.. hehe.. i got the present from jean, cheng got the present from me, jean got the one from baozhu, bra got the the one from cheng & lastly, baozhu got the present from bra...

finally ending the photo taking session with some bimbotic photos.. hehe..

den we start our long awaited MJ session.. can you believe how lucky is bra.. he won cheng & my base amount even b4 the whole east wind is over.. we continued playing until the next morning... as you can guess, i am the santa claus at the MJ table... haha.. but its ok la.. once a year thingy & its the fun that matters..

i took a bus back & was knocked out during the whole journey.. 1st time i found tat taking a bus back from jurong west is that fast.. cause the next moment i woke up, i was already near my place le.. when i reached home, my bro was up cause he was going to meet his gf.... went to bed & slp until 2 plus cause need to go n meet shu they all...

baking & studying day~~

was baking at jean darling place on fri.. it was a really impromptu thingy.. at 1st we were supposed to meet just to finish the MA assignment that will be due on 2nd jan.. can u believe it.. i must spend my festive season doing MA... OMG..

we met at bukit panjang plaza to get the ingredient & wait for QC.. been a long time since i last bake sth.... the process is really fun & qc was there helping.. haha.. can u imagine our honours tan baking in the kitchen.. hehe..

we baked cookies & cake hoping that we can succeed now & do it for the x'mas party on 24th... e cookies was gd but the cake was abit too hard.. thk its because we kp baking it & din preheat the oven beforehand...

look at how huge the cake becomes...

aft the baking session, we finally get down to sth serious.. our MA homework... haiz.. its really a killer... dun thk i can ever finish the 50 plus qns that james gave us he ended the lecture of the year...

we studied until 8 plus & went to haf our late dinner @ pangjang plaza....

was supposed to jog with teck when i come back home but he went out with his frenz to alleybar.... ard 12 plus he called me & said he drank abit too much, feeling quite seh now.. thk its his 1st time mixing drks ba, that's y he gt seh so fast.... luckily his frenz was with him & sent him home...

sec sch gathering...

just came back from my sec sch gathering... we were supposed to meet for dinner but i reached only aft the dinner ended.. den they decide to go to ktv.. its my 1st time going to the ktv with em aft we know each other for so long...

it was quite fun singing with them ah.. they never fail to make my laugh my head off with wat they did.. haha... was playing the dice game & i never expect that its their 1st time playing it.. it gt them hooked rite away... instead of singing there, they will simply engrossed with the game & forfeit... dun even care whether their songs are being played or not.. haha....

never knew meiyun can sing that well... she really impressed me... aft the session, we gt tot of going to play MJ but den ah chye gotta work tml.. so..... we decide to go for supper at chong pang instead..... there goes my dieting session... haha..... but den its like once in a long time that we will gather like that so i just postpone the dieting to tml ba... hehe....

get to know em better this time round during the session.. we are a step more closer & i felt quite happy about... as i grow older, i realise that the simplest thing actually brings u the most happiness.. frenship, & kinship that seems so 理所当然 aer actually the most beautiful thing in life to treasure & maintain but because it seems so readily available, everyone does not realise its importance....

i have been feeling damn down for the past 2 days.. esp during that day when i went out to do courier... as u see, usually i am quite gd with my direction & get used to knowing wat to expect in the next junction etc... its like i haf control & know wat to expect with certainty but that day, i am like venturing into those places i never came across b4.... when i alighted at the bus stop & looked ard me, i dun even know where exactly i am & where is the destination at..... i felt damn lost... i felt damn helpless.. wat's worse is, its raining......

finally i get to the place after getting drenched.... i asked cheng out for lunch & went to his place cause i cant go for the next courier as i dun haf anymore forms with me.. only at his place i realised that the customer earlier on i met din sign on the form... which means i have to go back there once again... argh.... i duno why am i so blur as to forget such an impt thing.... so i went back there again & waited for her for like nearly 2 hours but she din come back lo.... in e end, i went for another impromptu courier at clementi there b4 coming back again to the same place.... because of the stupid mistake, i miss out quite a few courier which was fixed earlier on......

felt damn useless & demoralised.. cant even do such a simple thing... all the negative tots just start to devour me slowly... nth seems to be able to cheer me & i really duno why am i doing in this world.... i have been living in this world for 22 years for nth lo.... am just a flower in the greenhouse, too well sheltered from all the storm & bad weather of the outside world....

i msg teck in e end, asking him wan to come out or not.... he was working but suggested to meet me at night after knowing that i am not feeling too gd... its e 1st time i am sort of like 'asking him for help'.... as u all know i am not tat kind of ppl who will usually let ppl see my weak side in person other than the blog... so this is such a 'breakthrough' for me.. haha....

we went for jog at night... need some endorphine to cheer me up... exercising is really a gd & healthy way... esp towards someone who is growing horizontally... thk i shall make it a habit to exercise at least 3 times a wk.... mus really thx him & cheng for being there for me & helping me thru all this.. must all thx cheng's mum for being so nice & frenly towards me when i am at his place.....

teck said tat when someone offered u his help when u are down, no need to feel pai seh to accept it... just accept the help readily & keep wat he had done for u in ur heart...... its not too late to repay him when u have the ability in e future... that is quite true.... i will rem all those ppl who have helped me deeply in my heart..... when there comes a chance, i will repay them their kindness towards me.... :)

stressed~~

i am feeling damn stressed out now cause tml i gonna go ard the whole singapore for courier... whole day will be filled with doing courier n stuffs.. gt 2 routes to go.. one is to the east, e other is ard the central, west & north.. haiz.. just finished checking the directory, looking at wat buses can i take to get to the destination.. OMG... really feel like crying.. but this is e last lapse le.. die die must also hang on until the whole thing ends.. cannnot let this thing daunt me... but i can expect that tonight i wont be able to slp well le.. that's me... when i get stressed or know that sth impt gonna happened tml, i will not be able to slp well.. is that being paranoid?? hehe...

lack of motivations..

yes.. this has been the case for almost a yr... i realise my motivation lifespan is quite short.. i need constant motivation to keep me going on.. i am like a 100m runner... i am not a marathon person.. will hang on for such a long time.. i wonder if alot of ppl is like me..

went to JB on thur nite & skipped my FI lect.. my mum has been wanting to go there to eat at nite for very long le... this time round, my dad finally take e initiative & say wan to go in there.... so, i forsake my lecture ( cause if i din go, they will not also!!) & went in with em... we went to a small estate near our house in JB.. wa.. its like a small food street... there's alot of food there, char kuay tiao, oyster egg, claypot rice, thai food, satay, chicken wings etc.... we ate alot of things & spent only like 50 RM.... its damn damn cheap.... if we were to eat like that in chomp chomp thk we will have to spend more den S$70....

after tat, we went to our house at nite for the 1st time.. even though we haven installed all the lights, but it looks damn bright from the outside cause of the light from the guard house... den we take a walk in our own estate.. i love the cool air blowing & the quietness of e place.. felt quite safe in there.... its really damn cool....

we only managed to reach home ard 12 cause of the mini jam at the singapore custom.. its really not a bad experience to go in n eat there at nite... shall go in there more often lo..

hehe..

wat am i getting myself into...

this should be the qns that i should be asking myself mths ago... when i made that decision, this qns did flashed across my mind but i just let it slip pass without giving it a serious tot... things might be alot diff if i do let that qns stayed in my mind longer....

a fren said i am the most innocent party cause i am pulled into the turbulence n duno wat i am getting myself into... i agree that i am rash to make that decision but i do know the consequences behind it.. just that like wat i said, i thk too highly of myself, thking i can pull off from the whole thing easily.... ha... so all in all, i am not an innocent party, in fact i am the most devilish one.. w/o me the whole issue wont even surface at all....

impressed~~

after alot of unsuccessful attempts in clinching the 'deals' today which made me damn demoralised.. i decide to go for a break n watch some videos on youtube.. was recommended by a frenz regarding this variety show called 超級星光大道.. its been showing for quite some time le & i only started watching it now.. damn behind time lo...

was really impressed by 林宥嘉 when he sing the song 你把我灌醉..... he is so young but can sing damn well... not to mention, he is damn cute.. boy boy look....

gonna go to bed soon after updating the blog entry.. look damn ghastly because of the recent late nite & sickness.. argh~~ thk i must learn to slp early from now on...

was celebrating yaoquan's birthday @ tony romas just now.. realised tat all my dinner experience at tony romas was all to celeb my frenz birthday.. 1st time was ah li's birthday, 2nd was shu's one den now, was yaoquan's one.. 1st of all i must say that they served the nicest ribs ever... even though i was damn full because of the main course, ( luckily we just ordered 3 sets n shared among ourselves... ) but i still go ahead & ordered my fav skillet cookies.... haha.. that desserts that they served totally blow me off... i thk billy, lishan & yaoquan have the same feelings as me cause we finished the whole thing within 5 mins... not to mention all of us were damn "bloated" from the main courses.. haha..

b4 this, we were at Qc's place playing MJ.. actually this was all a very last min thingy.. i was planning to come home straight after sch to do calling one but den we decide to go n celeb yq birthday cause he cannot make it on the actual day itself.. so to kill our time b4 time dinner start, we decide to go for a game of MJ.. went to fetch justin at his place b4 going down to cheng's house...

after dinner, we went to the bukit timah liquid cafe thking of chilling out n playing some games there but sth crops up & we had to leave early.. yq send me back home b4 going back... i really miss those time when we come out for dinner & chilling in e past...

due to all the activities & working for sth that the payout will come much later, my bank's 'number' is depleting very fast.... thk after this mth, there wont be much left anymore.. duno how to survive thru the next 5 mths b4 exams gonna end.. even after my exams end, i dun thk i will be able to get a job that fast.... argh~~ feeling so vexed now.. cant seem to conc with all the problems at hand... i really wonder when will my payroll from the previous company be coming in.... i really need that for my survival & when i talk about survival, i am not kidding lo....

i have really lost myself....

just came back from movie with billy & justin @ PS... was watching the show 'golden compass' & it just ended so abruptly... felt damn lost aft the show... must thx billy for sending me back home specially aft the show even though he need to rush down to meet his fren @ holland village.. really appreciate it & felt damn thankful towards him.. i will always rem all the things that my frenz has done for me during this rough patch of my life.. i really duno wat i will become if they were not ard me.....

just like wat i said earlier in my entries.. this yr is really the toughest time in my life.. i have never gone thru so much thing ever b4 & went thru so much things that i could not handle at all.. i really changed alot & lost my own self completely le.... why do i say that??

actually, long time back i already know tat i have lost myself due to the circumstances but i just duno to wat extent it has gone & i always tot that i can find it back.... just now, billy said sth to me... he said that i have changed.. i am not the decisive, self confidence & the weiting that knows wat she wants anymore... when i listened to wat he said, i realise that's really true.... i really duno wat i wan at tis pt of time.. there's just too much things for me to thk about & worry about that i duno wat should i be thinking & doing 1st....

i really to find my old self back but i find it to be damn difficult for me to do so..... i am really very tired... i really dun have any strength left for me to struggle n get out of this thing so wat i can do is just accept things which comes in my way.. i really dun haf the strength to fight back anymore even though i really hate wat i am going thru now...

whenever i am with my fren, i just cant conc n enjoy my time with em.. my mind will be filled with other troubles of mine & its really slowly devouring me up... i am losing myself & i cant do anything to stop it.. i felt so helpless.... billy ask me to return the old weiting back to him.... the one who knows wat she wants, the one who is fun-loving, the one who dun gif a damn about others opinion but hang on to wat she believe in.... i promise him that i will find her back in e shortest time possible but seriously, i dun haf the confidence to do so.... i dun believe in myself anymore....

in e past, i used to thk that i can settle most of the things myself, my frenz will thk that i am a very dependent person & is quite capable.... but now, i thk that i am a loser... total loser.... not only towards myself but also towards my frenz... if i am capable den i wont be troubled by the problems ard me now cause i would haf the ability to resolve everything but looking at how helpless i am now, it proves everything....

can i get back to the past & live the life i used to aft so much has happened?? i really dun haf the confidence to do it... to some extent, i dun even dare to go n thk about it.... my life has been in a mist of sadness & unhappiness ever since my exams were over... everything seems to go haywired ever since den.... is that the karma for me for falling for someone whom i shouldnt have?? well, thk all that has happened is sth which i have brought upon myself.... i always believe in this thing called retribution.. so now, i am just reaping wat i sow...

sth is just wrong..

how will u feel if u know that u are no longer the reason of happiness nor sadness for someone?? will u be feeling disappointed, upset, lost or watever feeling that u can name it?? well, if u do feel sth because of that, it simply just means that you still care for that person, if he is just a nobody to u anymore, i bet you will not be giving a damn about it also...

i am feeling sth which i shouldnt be feeling at all now.. even if its just a twiny-winny bit of stir-up, its just simply too wrong...

i going to genting at the end of this mth once again with my family.. some of my frenz will be there at that period also.. so might be meeting em there... 4th time & also the last time that i will be going up there b4 this yr come to an end... how will it be like this time round since the lapse of being there is like the longest among all the other times when i went there.. will it give me a completely diff feelings?? well, i am quite looking forward to it to see wat this trip will bring me this time round....

one year~~

its been a yr since i 1st club with him.... i din notice it until i flip thru my organiser last yr while packing my notes... its really such a coincidence lo... who will believe its so 'qiao' lo??

i can still rem that is the 1st time i went into velvet also.. 1st time i get to know his frenz & was so close to him..... its also the time when my feelings for him starts to escalate...

was driving to sch just now, listening to the songs of the cd which i haf burnt yrs back.. still rem how i used to listen to the same old songs when i drove to sch last time.. how i used to da bao things back at the market near my sch for my family.. i cant believe that tis yr is like ending in another 20 plus day & i am going to graduate next yr & stepping out of the society le... really wonder how it will be like.....

i have been constantly changing for the past mths.. the rates of change is so frequent & high that until now, i also duno which is exactly myself & which is exactly wat i wan... was reading the newspaper & chance upon this quote, ' the thing in this world that will not change is..... Changes itself...' wa.. damn philosophical rite.... cannot imagine a bimbo understanding the meaning of such a CHIM statement....

time really will not stop for anyone.. no matter how rich u are, how powerful u are in this world.. there's no make-up for the time that is lost & that's y there is this thing call regret & memories....

din go n see a doc today cause of the rain but also because must walk all e way there.. quite lazy about it.. den its like i din cough as much in e day le so i tot its fine but the coughing comes back at nite.... damn sickening.. was checking out about the room availability at genting just now cause my mum suddenly want to go by mth end but everywhere was fully booked le.. told her dun do thing so last min le but she din listen to me.. a few wks back there are still quite a few rooms left lo....

我想要说

coughing my lungs out..

just when will all this coughing stop!!! i thk if it persists, i will just cough out blood anytime lo.... gonna go n see someone whom i hate to see the most ---> the doctor...

went for self courier on tue & walked ard the CBD area once again from the start to the end... met weiming for lunch near his workplace & saw desmond while i was on the way.. den i walked back all e way to the office, trying my best to do calling but the mission failed... i was out of breath from the coughing & cant even finish a complete sentence.. thk the customer was having a hard time trying to understand & listen to wat i am saying..

so i went to meet wayne @ PS earlier.. we were going to catch a movie there.. was deciding b/w 'enchanted' & 'hitman' & we choose the latter.. its quite funny cause he was the one who suggested watching 'enchanted' while i am the one who suggested watching 'hitman'.. haha.. totally opposite.. the show was really not bad & the male lead is damn shuai & cool... love his body!! haha...

aft the show, we walked ard b4 going to haf dinner at the sakae teppanyaki.. 2nd time eating there within a wk.. this time round, i took the chicken set.. its quite nice... den we started discussing about the color of raw turkey.. turned out to be damn funny & stupid.. esp me!!

den today, another hectic day for me.. went to lect early in e morning after a gd nite slp.. but was still feeling damn tired.. after lect we went to holland v to have subway for lunch.. wanted to go study but in e end, we end up at qc's place playing MJ.. haha.. played until 3 den went back again to sch cause gt MSM at 330...

met philip, alvin & wilson in class & get smoked together by the lecturer.. taught us sth for half a lect which is not required for us to know cause it wont be out in e exam!! wa... felt damn frustrated with him.. aft lect, i was supposed to go back home n see a doc but...... i end up going to kbox at clementi with philip, alvin & meiyan.... sing until 10 plus b4 coming home cause alvin need to go n fetch her mum @ the airport....

haven been enjoying myself for damn long le.. going out with frenz, going to sing ktv, having time of my own to maximise my own utility level & not doing those things that i am 'forced' to do because of the circumstances.. i am not only talking about work, it also includes other stuffs also... i can finally be back to myself now... erm.. that might be too strong a statement cause this period of being myself might not persists also.. i might be 'forced' once again some time soon.. who knows wat will lie in front of him/her??

i am still dying for a vacation.... but tis mth is not a gd time for one.. too much constraint le.. shall see next mth or wat ba.. at least must go out n unwind... muz empty some things out 1st b4 i can input anymore inside... its seems to be at going to overflow stage now...

getting my student life back..

yes, i am finally getting my student life back bit by bit.. i just came back like an hour ago from a ktv session with geraldine, fabian & mosses ( hope i din get the name wrongly) who is a fren of geraldine...

was damn sick yest from the cleaning of my house & slp at 10.. wow, duno for how long i haven slp so early le... woke up this morning still feeling unwell so i din go for the courier in e morning.. was studying for my paper & met philip to go to sch together aft that...

went to meet geraldine's mum at her office aft sch.. its e 1st time i saw her mum after knowing her for so long.. felt abit funny.. aft that i went to AMK to meet her & wait for her frenz mosses.. we had my fav subway for dinner & chatted there while waiting for her another frenz & kevin they all..

geraldine left us after meeting her frenz cause he dun wan to join us for the ktv session.. so me & mosses went to sing 1st while waiting for e others to arrive.. he is quite frenly & can sing quite well also.. surprised me with his 'forever love' by lee hom.. as for me, today i am damn off form cause of the coughing & throat.. cant hit all the high notes.. mayb its because i haven been singing for damn long also..

in e end, only fabian came to join us.. kevin & tzong zhan went to study at the Mac nearby instead.. 1st time singing with fabian but b4 that i already know he can sing quite well le.. he can sing all types of genre songs & he knows alot of songs lo.. he knows how to sing those songs somemore... while listen to him singing '曾经爱你 永远爱你', quite alot of memories flashed back.. he is e 1st guy whom i know how to sing that song & sang it apart from him.. den he also sing the 爱转角... den we begin to discuss about the show & stuffs.. i asked him when he watched the show & its half a yr back.. den i counted, eh i also watch it ard that period... after saying it out, i realise wa.. time really flies, its been half a yr since i watched the show.. half a yr sounded damn long la..

den we started singing all those old sch songs.. super funny & fun.. haha.. its a brand new experience.. can just dun care how u sound, just there to haf fun... moreover today i cant sing well also.. haha.. we were there until 2 & took a cab back...

somethings started stirring inside of me once again.. 7 mths has passed & everything seems to be back to normal.. but wat exactly is consider normal? wat's the actual definition of being normal??? well, that's up to one to decide ba...

sick~~

alot of things in this world requires sth called 'courage'.. this is esp so when it comes to r/s.. its hard for 2 strangers in life to cross each others path.. since fate has given you the opportunity to meet den it only lies on yourself whether you wan to make the 1st move.. all this will now boils down to the word courage.. but as u grow older, you will become more timid.... scare of rejection, scare of the social opinion & alot more....

for me, i am just too tired to do anything now.. i just wanna stay in this comfort zone for now.. for a verylong time, i haven felt like a student.. when i woke up at 12 plus today, i finally have this long-lost feeling back.. no need to go n work & meet customer, just need to worry n study for my test this coming Mon... slping late because of a late night outing with frenz seems to be one of the coolest thing in life for me now.. but because of the late nite out, my conditions seems to deteriorate...

the coughing seems to get worse & i thk i am having a cold & feeling feverish.. after dinner, i wan to continue to study but i just cant conc.. kps tearing & felt damn cold.. in e end, i decide to take a nap.. the conditions get better but i am scare of the after-effect.. will i be able to slp tonight?? tml gonna go to my house in JB to do some cleaning up.. hope the cleaning exercise will make me feel better & improve my condition.. i really cannot afford to fall sick at this critical pt.. e project is ending this mth end, i need to fight against time to work as much as possible..... so falling sick now is a NO NO.....

unexpected...

wat happened yest was like totally an unexpected thingy to me.. never expect to stay there until so late & never expect to meet em once again aft the whole incident.. i tot it would just be a very normal day for me, just go down there to support my frenz who were doing the show for the Levis Jeans with geraldine.. hanging ard for a while & that's it but life's just full of twist & turn, that's why its so amazing....

i went for my courier in the morning nearby & get breakfast for my family... den i meet philip to go down to the office to do my calling.. nearly caused him to be late.. felt quite bad about it.. was in the office until 5 plus & went down to berlington square to do a survey thingy just to earn some extra cash but i spent it all on a Teppanyaki dinner at Cine with Kevin's gang & geraldine after that.... ha..

kevin's gang : fabian, tzong zhao & kevin

geraldine & me...

the teppanyaki chef doing his tricks.. hehe..

the chawanmushi in the onion 'container'..

the guys din join us for the zouk thingy & we left 1st cause need to be there by 9pm.. regretted for going so early cause the show only starts at 1030pm.. standing on that super high heels of mine was damn torturing esp aft a day of walking yest.. argh~~

while waiting for the guys to get dressed, i went to find weiming who is at velvet with geraldine.. never expect to see kenny there cause weiming told me that he will be going with his fac ppl whom i tot is only those from real estate.. been more den half a yr since i last saw em, can see some changes in em... i tot my shocking moments has ended but i was wrong.. i saw another 2 person whom i really really never expect to see moments later.. one of em is someone whom i really detest, e other is someone who until now i duno wat should i use to describe b/w us... the awkwardness is stil there & i duno wat i should say at all.. i never initiate a conversation, only replying his qns at times when he happened to ask me..

seriously, i really felt very bad towards the both of em cause i am like the culprit who cause em to sort of like fall out with one another.. although i never meant to be one but i am in fact the one who did that.. i still cannot overcome my guiltiness towards em & mainly because of that, i felt accountable & that explains e awkwardness there.. because of my selfish decision, all this happened... even though they told me there are nth that is definitely right or wrong in a r/s stuff but i felt like a bitch totally...

when we went for supper, he was sitting right beside me but i am talking only to geraldine & weiming... felt damn awkward & weird there.. even to the extent that i started playing the games on geraldine's pda phone as if the whole session was damn boring but its not la, i just wannt keep myself busy so no one will come & 'disturb' me.. i still cannot find the pt where i am comfortable at all... i felt accountable to HIM b4 i can treat e other normally.. i know i need not do this but i just wan to......

lock, kenny, geraldine & me left in weiming's car.. only managed to reach home ard 530 & cant slp until 7 in e morning.. was reminded that the very last time when we go to zouk with the same gang, we were going to genting after tat... & its been more than half a yr since this has happened... time really flies.... memories & emotions were unleashed once again for that short moment....