complexion getting from bad to worse.. figure is getting plumper by the day also.. everything is not going the way i wan it to be.. even my feelings n everything i do is also the same....

realise how cock up my life is for e past mths.. not going home until its past 1 am in e morning.. e moment i reach home, i will n den slp.. next morning wake up at 8 plus again to go to work n e cycle continue.. it has been like tis for more den a mth.. den during weekend, need to work n go for tuition.. haven been slping for more den 9 hours for like almost a mth....

really wonder why am i torturing myself & pushing myself so hard... actually i do know e reason y also... its jux tat i dun wan to admit n go n thk abt it only.. i am trying to run away but from wat is happening to me now, i dun thk it helps at all.... in fact, its making things worse only.. running away from problem is a really stupid thing & i know it very clearly.. it will not solve the problem at all, it only help u to make the problem 'disappear' temporarily.. at e end, of the day it will still be there.. no matter how u pretend or convince urself, u are jux lying only... but facing the problem needs a lot of courage & determination.... tat's wat lacking in me.... wat can i do to make myself to be determined?? can it be 'cultivated' or it mux be in born??

it has been almost a yr... time really flies & tat's all i can say... in another 1 mths time i will be starting my sch term.... duno wat to anticipate tis time round... now, other den wanting to be determined & earning alot of money, i dun expect anything in my life le..... expectation will only make one more unhappy & disappointed... only when u haf no expectation den u will not feel disappointed.. as easy as it seems to be said out by me, i wonder will i be able to do it myself... if i really can do tat, i thk i can go be a nun already.. its ironic rite.. yeah, its is & tat's wat life is all abt.....

chance upon an article yest.. its writing abt woman being 'cheap'... dun get me wrong, its not tat kind of cheap tat u guys thk abt.. the 'cheap' refers to woman putting down their self-esteem & pride for e guy they love.. when a woman fall in love wif a guy, she is willing to do anything for him.. yes, anything.... she will wan to do a lot of things for the guy.. cook for him, wait for him at home, care for him, beg him... even when the guy dun love em anymore, they will still try their best to make em stay & win back their heart... beg, cry, seduce or anthing....... tat's how 'cheap' a woman can be..... cheap in e eyes of the guy whom they love..... but when they realise tat things cannot be changed anymore, they will jux wake up their idea... well, tis will only happen aft they got hurt deeply... its only at tis pt of time tat they 'learnt'.... ha.... should the word learn be used here?? i duno.. cause some gals jux wont learn at all.. when they fall for a guy again, the vicious cycle will still continue.....

no matter how arrogant & aloof a woman may seem to be, they will haf their 'cheap' side.. tat's when they start falling for a guy... sounds really sad rite?? but tat's really the case... woman, they are more sentimental den guys.. using their heart most of the time & letting it rule em den using their brain.... as for guys, alot will say they are rational... haha.. well, most of my guy say their 'raionality' comes from their lower body instead.... some intellectual one will use their brain to thk also but very little will use their heart..... tat's the diff b/w our fellow male & female species...

on my side, i truly agree wat the article says.... no matter how strong & arrrogant a woman may seem in front of others, when she really fall for a guy, she will change completely to a tame, small little lamb... well, tat only applies to the guy she likes la.... ha... i dun doubt tat there are other woman who behave otherwise, but tat's how most woman behaves.... woman ah woman, why are we so pathetic????