为何永远放不低..为何错爱这一位..但求仍然维系不惜一切..我为你执迷...
为何永远放不低..任情爱控制身体..任谁关心仍未可把你代替.......


jux reached home not long ago.. tis genting trip was the most unbearable one that i had among all the 3 times that i had within tis 2 mths... i tot the previous one was the worse already, well i am wrong.. totally wrong...

tis time round, i went wif qc, brandon & his gf.. its wif another grp of my frenz, 1st time going there alone wif my gang but i am not enjoying myself at all.. its not because they are not fun to be wif or anything.. the problem lies totally wif me..

i jux felt damn unhappy & even the cool air there cant do anything to relieve me of tat sad feeling... knowing tat he was there too but tis time round, we are like so far apart... he was jux staying right beside the room on top of my level but i only saw him for like 2-3 times & we only tok once, which lasted like less den 3 min... as for the other times, he was wif his frenz, so i din go over to say hi or anything.. dun wan to disturb his trip & dun dare to go over ba... me feeling weird n sad is enuff le, no need to drag another person in... the feeling of so near yet so far is really killing me.... although most of the time i stil can luff & joke wif qc they all, but inside i know i am feeling damn empty... i am jux not myself...

went to the ktv wif em on e 1st nite, the waiter brought us to the room 2 rooms away from the 'past' one... ha.. either i will be in there or i will jux be ard the vincinity, thk i jux cant run away... while walking to the washroom, i purposely walk there.. told u guys, i am not myself at all!! den last nite, we went to the park, tis time round, its in e nite.. same timing as the last time i went wif him but there's no mist or fog... can see the sky & the scenery below very very clearly... there are alot of stars hanginh on the sky, its really very beautiful.. how i wish he was there wif me at tat pt of time.... felt really empty while i was there wif em.. although i did join in the conversation & joke, but most of the time, i am jux drifting away in my tots... tot abt alot of things... things tat until tis pt of time i am not able to solve or clear em...

did tot of calling him in his room on both nites.. but i jux dun haf the courage to do it.. scare that he might find it weird why i call him, scare that there might be no one in the room to ans the call, scare that i might disturb his slp, scare of rejection, scare of alot of things...

i know myself too well.. i know i wont be truthful of my own feelings or tots when i am here in singapore.. i need to be out of the country b4 i really face my true feelings & can express myself beta... its such a gd opportunity but i jux miss it & let it go jux like tat....

i wanted to ask him out for coffee & haf a chat over there cause there'a so much things tat i wanted to say to him, to tell him.. i tot tat tis trip is a gd chance for me to do so but fate is jux playing a joke on us... we jux din happened to bump straight into one another aft the 1st meeting... another thing is, i gif him e wrong no. to my room.. i jux gt mixed up b/w the last 2 no. of my room & brandon's room.... thk tis is really fate... 1st time i make such a big mistake..... tat's y he cant manage to get me.... well, mayb some things are really fated or meant to be kept inside & not spoken out...

i hate myself for not plucking up my courage to call him in his room.. hate myself for being such a coward at that pt of time... hate myself for being so blur as to rem the room no. wrongly.. finally, hate myself for not being able to let go of all tis...