i feel emotionally drained out..

i am feeling really tired now.. i am emotionally drained out.. i dun feel like thking abt anything anymore.. y life cant be simpler??

i jux wan to lead a happy life w/o much worries.. but y cant i haf tis simple wish fulfilled? i feel really really tired lo.. i jux wan to lead a life now without thking abt any problem, any matters... but can i?? i really duno lo.. i jux cant let go.. i know i am still holding onto sth....... n tis sth is really making me feeling very terrible n its really draining me out.. i feel so empty deep inside but on e other hand, my heart is filled wif sadness n helplessness... its so contradicting.. yes it is...

if we din break up, tis will be the mth when we will be celeb our 2nd yr anniversary le.. last yr due to his trip 2 taiwan, we dun haf a chance to celeb.. well, 'siang bu dao' that was e only n last chance we can celeb..... i miss him suddenly.. feel like seeing him.. haiz~~

life is so weird.. sometimes i really duno wat is dream n wat is reality.. wat is true n wat is illusion.. i am really confused lo.. i cant differentiate wat is real n wat is not.. or pratically i cant differentiate anything anymore.. i jux wan to rest.. hope the trip to KL tml can help me relax my mind n let me haf a clearer pic of wat i wan n need in life now.. wish me gd luck~~~

i am feeling so bad now~~~

i jux came back from Gan ge's b'day celebration at chinablack... b4 that i was at his house wif guofeng they all having steamboat.. it was supposed to be a joyous day but den i am not feeling very gd inside me.... all because of HIM once again.. it was a special day.... ( well, mayb its only to me ba.. not him.. )

we went to chinablack aft dinner at gan's place.. we dance on e stage again n den on those small round platform at the corner of the dance floor.. thk today gan ge's is the envy of all guys lo.. haf so many female dance partner dancing wif him.. haha.. well, its his b'day ma.. thk tis is e 1st time i ever dance so close n intimate wif a guy lo.. haha.. he muz feel damn honoured lo.. but it was really fun dancing wif him la.. esp he was abit high due to e alcohol n oso because of sth else.. before long, he was drunk.. or should i say seh.. well, seeing him like that, i felt very xin ku lo.. as his sis or as his fren, i feel very 'xin teng' towards him lo.. i know he is feeling bad deep inside him.. i know how painful it is lo coz i went thru this b4.. really feel like getting myself drunk jux like him..

i am wondering, next mth on 21 oct, will i receive any sms from him or not.. well, actually no need wonder la.. coz i already know the ans myself rite now le.. i am jux hoping miracle will happen.. mayb i am not lucky or i jux haf no fate wif miracle ba.. coz it never happen to me b4..

i am such a computer dummy~~

i bought a new comp le.. n everything is so new to me.. wahaha.. finally realise that i am a comp dummy n is a real jia lat one lo.. hehe.. din even know how to copy mp3 files to media player lo.. ( dun luff hor )

went to study wif philip's gang today.. that anthan ah.. muz be dislike me alot lo, e moment i come, he went off liao... :P studied wif em in e woodlands lib until 430 den went to eat bk liao.. at least did some POA tutorial today.. n gt help from billy who took POA oso.. muz really thx him for his help or else i will sure go bonkers lo..

aft dinner i went to jp to meet ah ma liao.. gonna pay for my KL trip thing.. finally i am going abroad wif frenz le.. haf been wanting to go abroad wif frenz since jc time liao but always no chance.. though i am going to KL again but tis time round, i am looking forward to it lo.. gonna shop n eat till we drop.. haha.. muz thx philip for acc take e train to je.. hehe..

i reached there early n went shopping ard.. well, it reminds me of my jc time when the 4 'ahs' will go jp to shop n eat.. i still rem our pizza hut moments.. of coz i gt reminded of him oso lo.. haiz.. esp when tml will be a special day for us.. but doubt he will rem it oso la.. haha..

Gan's B'day Party~~

Jux came back from Gan's B'day party at his aunt's condo.. feeling quite tired now, aft writing tis i will go kooning liao.. haha..

Bro, pai seh lei, no time to get ur present but i will surely get u sth for ur 21st bday one.. hehe.. today at e party, i realise one thing abt Bro.. he can be a very fatherly person lo.. so caring n loving when he carry his little cousins.. 1st time see him like that sia.. make me see another side of him which i find it rare to see it in sch one.. haha.. but come to thk of it, he is really a very nice bro towards me la.. haha..

keep on eating n eating there coz there is alot of food lo.. and the pro is my weight already hit 50 liao sia.. but for Bro's sake, i still eat alot lo.. tml or the few wks aft this i muz really go into serious dieting liao.. my ideal weight is 48 kg.. mux jia you for me.. haha..

yest is another happening day lo.. was late for e maths test becox alvin woke up late.. both of his alarm clock spoilt at e same time lo.. well mayb they are rite, i am cursed lo.. whenever i am going to take his car to sch there is bound to be sth that will happen one.. so sadded...

but the test was damn easy la, so its ok.. wahaha.. den had my lunch wif lynn they all.. i called up the agency to check the package to KL le.. most pro we will go on 1st Oct, which is next sat.. thking of the shopping there makes me so excited but den now, i am really super broke lo.. hope my mum can finance me a little.. wahaha...

went for tuition in e evening.. at 1st i 'dated' philip to go jog one.. but suddenly feel very tired, in e end i asked him go supper wif me.. wahaha.. anthan, alvin n andrea ( a pretty babe ) join us later at the last min.. aft the supper, we went to seletar reservior to see see look look.. haha.. i had never went there wif my frenz b4 lo.. yest is e 1st time..

but den my mum wan me to be back home early.. tis days i had been going out alot n until very late in e nite lo.. but den she din scold me la, she jux told me to come back early n say will wait until i go home le den will slp lo.. well, that is worse den scolding me lo.. mux really apologise to alvin they all lo.. spoil ur nite le, den cause u cant go drk ur kopi or tea.. hehe.. Gomenasai..

study n study~~

still doing my maths qns now.. tml having tis maths test which will not be counted in our final report.. but i am still studying for it coz i wan to know where i am standing..

woke up ard 11 today.. aft the run yest, i really slp beta lo.. thk i should go n exercise more if i haf e chance n company.. i haf too much toxic inside me liao, muz detox.. it was another rainy day today.. was watching tv at home when anthan called me up n asked me for movie which is at 5pm.. i dun mind going la.. since very long never watched movie oso le..

so we met 230 at wlds lib to study 1st.. haha.. thk they muz really thx me lo cox w/o me jioing em to study, dun thk they will start one.. hehe.. we study until 430 den went to get our tix le.. den suddenly i haf tis craving for ya kun bread.. so tis 2 nice guys acc me down to get my bread.. hehe..

den we went into e cinema to watch 'The Myth'.. it last for 2 hrs.. we went to MOS to haf our dinner.. i mus say its fun to go out wif em lo.. esp when anthan is ard, he always make my day lo.. there will always be laughter wif him ard one.. haha.. next time when i am down muz ask him out n cheer me up liao.. hehe..

i went to jog today~~ big satisfaction~~

aft 2 yrs of not really exercising, i finally fulfil my promise of going to jog.. wahaha.. haf been saying wanna go jog for 2 yrs le.. but den everytime will be TOO lazy to go lo.. finally today, i went to jog........ its really a big satisfaction la.. although i only run abt 4 km n at a very slow pace.. haha.. muz really thx alvin for running wif me n muz praise him for being courageous oso lo.. dare to go run wif me, someone who only run ard her dining table for e past 2 yrs.. but pai seh lei, cox of me he had to run really slow n a really short distance.. hehe..Gome~~

went for pbf lect in e afternoon as usual.. nth unusual happen.. jux that today gt more chance to chat wif melissa.. hehe.. her bf going to overseas soon le.. seeing tis senario, reminds me of last yr, HE had to go overseas for training.. haha..

aft the lecture, i went to meet sebastian, my pool club fren.. we went for dinner at the california pizza.. den went for pool, which is quite a impromptu decision... coz wif my dressing today, i really dun thk i can go play one lo.. but it turn out to be quite alrite la.. din zhou guang~~ hehe.. reached home ard 915 den prepare to go run le.. very long never run liao, really duno wan to wear wat lo.. come to thk of it, i dun haf any exercise attire lo.. thk i mux go get a few of it liao... wahaha...

that's how i spend my supposedly 23rd mth anniversary...... its really so different from last yr lo.. the feelings n stuff... wonder whether he will rem today is wat day or not, mayb he din even know wat is e date for today ba....

study day at home~~ but its not efficient

stayed at home the whole day.. actually supposed to meet HIM for sushi one.. i make time specially for him liao lo but den he dun appreciate it.. say he found someone to go eat wif him le.. so i jux stayed at home n be a guai daughter.. hehe..

been staying out late n going out very often recently.. thk my mum is not really happy abt it liao.. so today beta stay at home n dun go anywhere.. been studying e whole day lo but its not efficient at all lo.. those passion i once haf for studies duno go where liao lei.. really wish they will come back to me soon.. jux like how i wish my faith n passion towards r/s will come back..

ever since i met HIM n been going out wif him recently.. i realised one thing.. i still haf this tinny winny bit of feelings towards HIM.. i still love HIM to some extent.. but tis love will not go anywhere or progress on like how it did.. i duno how long it will stay in my heart but i jux know that, it wont leave so soon.. i know i am stupid la.... HE already move on n is alot more ahead of me le n i am still sort of like holding onto sth n moving at a very slow pace.. well, that's me ba.. always so stupid...

oh ya.. if we din break up, tis will be our 23rd mth anniversary.. i broke up wif him for ard 3 mth plus le and tis is e 4th time we din celeb our anniversary.. well, its not an anniversary anymore oso liao la.. the day already dun haf any meaning le.. :)

n today is our ms ah shu's 20th bday.. hehe.. HappY B'DaY~~ she finally step into our category liao.. e 2 digit category.. hehe.. so scary rite, into 2 liao lei...... but we are still forever young n pretty.. wahaha...

jux came home~~

haha.. juz reached home an hour ago from supper n ktv session wif alvin, philip n anthan.. hehe.. actually din eat at e prata shop la.. jux sit there drk teh tarik n chit chat lo.. its quite fun to chit chat wif em coz we are all lamers.. hehe..

tis few days kp raining lo.. its so nice for slping late.. haha.. really very man zu can slp so late.. hehe.. went for econs in the afternoon n feel pek cek once again by the lecturer lo.. thk i will really fail my econs liao lo.. den realise i haf been slacking too much le.. muz really buck up n study..

aft econs lect, i rush straight down to lucky plaza for e pool club thing.. the session was fun n i learnt how to hit straight ball today.. not bad.. wahaha.. but den, sometimes my ball will fly out of the table lo.. super sia suay ah...... hee.. played until 8 den me, alvin n philip came back to wlds..

we went to ktv at civics centre n jio anthan along.. hehe.. pai seh lei anthan, drag u out den cause u cant study.. hehe.. thk i today abit crazy at the ktv session la.. pai seh har.. this is e after effect of meeting HIM recently.. we sing from 9 to 1 am in e morning den went to the prata place for supper.. hehe..

muz really apologise to guowei.. sorry for making u wait so long for me.. i really duno wat time i will come home tonight lo.. den i dun wan u to wait until too late for me.. pai seh har.. Gomenasai..

den it comes to HIM, he sms me asking me wat time to meet tml.. i tot its cancel le, coz he say he is going to play basketball tml ma den he oso din sms me anything regarding it lo.. n i already plan to be a nice ger to stay at home n do household chores n study.. i scare if tml i go out again sure will kena scold by my mum lo.. how sia.. i hate to pang se ppl one lo.. n now its really like i pang se him lei.. argh~~ feel so bad..

i lost in front of him again~~

went out wif the 'ahs' gang today.. been very long since we last haf a proper outing le.. very looking forward to it.. well, as usual me n ah shu reached 1st.. miss ah ma is late n took a cab down.. haha...

we went to eat at pepper lunch.. it was really nice lo.. den i brought them my homemade snow-skined mooncake.. they loved it lo.. wahaha.. ms ah yam here is not the chief chef in the 'ahs' gang for nth one hor.. hehe.. ( oops.. forgot i muz be modest)

aft lunch we went to far east.. really reminds me of our jc days sia.. when e 4 of us get together it will be like so fun n crazy.. wif ah ma's DIM SUM song, ah li's violence towards us and alot more.. wahaha.. its always so fun la.. i am so happy that we are still n behave the same as ever.. time has changed nth to our frenship.. really looking forward to the 'ahs' night gathering at ah ma's house.. it will be so fun lo.. hehe..

aft that i went to meet HIM at Chevron at 5 plus.. i was late for more den half an hour coz of the bus.. he was already there le.. we went to settle e registration thing n went to haf lunch.. came back to cwp n eat mac coz i forgot to bring sth impt to him.. thus we came to cwp so that i can go back n take for him..

i met him at the park nearby my house coz i dun wan to walk all e way back to cwp n gif him the thing.. another reason is i wan to haf a gd tok wif him lo.. but i dun dare to bring up the topic to him.. becoz from how i know him, i know that he will ans me very vague ans or jux kp quiet one lo.. n i am afraid that it will spoil our frenship now.. but, i jux wan to know the truth.. its so contradicting rite... yes it is...

well, finally i ask him how he felt during the period aft we broke up.. like wat i expected, he ans sth vague.. i tried to change subject but duno y, i feel so emotional suddenly n tears filled my eyes.. i looked away n controlled myself from crying.. but i thk he saw my eyes getting watery... argh~~ i lost again.. feel so weak..

he left w/o really clearing my doubts at all.. but mainly due to me, not having the courage to ask him oso.. thk i will not ask him anymore le ba..... aft he left, i remain sitting at the park.. the tears that previously wanted to force their way out of my eyes finally haf their wish fulfilled.... feel damn sad lo.. really wish i can haf a shoulder to cry on very badly lo.....

when i am back home, i watched the korean show by Rain & Song HuiQiao.. damn funny n cute lo.. some of the things they did are jux like wat we did to one another b4 we get together.. kp on bickering n though we are concern abt each other, we will always do the opposite things.. ha.. at least aft watching the show, i am not feeling so bad inside le.. gonna go buy the vcd soon.. hehe.. its really a nice show.. n RAIN is damn shuai...........

so wat is the truth???

aft wat my fren told me saying that HE is feeling e same towards me.. i tot that HE feel bad towards me for making me do all those stupid things to numb myself n feel upset because i am doing all that.. but i might be wrong...... i might be assuming HE is feeling wat i hope HE will feel towards me when my fren told me the thing.. well, human beings jux like to make themself feel beta, dun they? this is esp so true to us, Gers..... we will like to assume things the way we want em to be.. so wat is the truth??

i am feeling the misery again.. the helplessness..
why HE is always so insensitive..
why is HE so egoistic..
why cant HE realise wat HE did was not appropriate..
why cant HE thk for my sake..
why HE is not giving me the care n concern which i should haf..
why there isnt anyone to tell HIM that HIS attitude n behavior is wrong...

am i really so worthless at all.. that is why HE is not giving me wat i deserve coz HE dun thk i deserve it at all...... this is wat i had been asking myself all this time when i was wif him.... until now, i still dun haf the ans to this qns......

got to know alot of things today, its all abt r/s one... suddenly haf tis 'Gan Chu'....
i dun understand y the love b/w a couple can change so drastically
i believe every couple will haf gone thru this......
they once believe that thier love can withstand anything in the world n last forever..
they love each other so much that they are willing to sacrifice anything for each other..
they cant bear to see the other party get hurt or fall sick..
they are willing to do their best to protect each other...
but........ once the love fade away......
they can jux turn nasty to one another...
they become the one who is hurting us n causing us pain..
they become a stranger who dun gif a damn about wat is happening to us..
all the words of love n promises will turn into malice
that become a sword that pierce thru our heart...

love is actually a very vulnerable thing..

i feel so sinful now~~

haha.. i went to eat cheese prata wif guowei jux now.. so sinful sia.......

been eating n eating like nobody business recently.. say want to go exercise but din go for any at all... tis time really gone case liao lo.. haha... no motivation to go exercise at all lo.. esp i am those kind who wont go if i dun haf company one.. cox can jux cancel the exercise session as n when i like.. tis is getting bad........

i muz go sentosa.. only den i will exercise by playing my beloved vball ( but i cant play well) haha... i really miss e sand n sentosa.. super long never go le.. how i wish i can go tis weekend... but gt no ka key lei...

need to mug soon oso le... haven been studying recently.. no mood at all.. esp when i am at home, gt so many temptations.. i muz study outside soon.. alone or wat it doesnt matter...

i wan to learn how to make mango pudding~~~

haha.. i had tis very nice mango pudding at Red Star while having dim sum wif my mum today.. it was damn nice lo.. wif e mango inside it.. slurp~~ i haf so many things that i wan to learn now.. cheesecake, mango pudding n alot more~~~ haha

den we went to walk ard chinatown aft that.. i bought a top n a bottom.. i muz really replenish my wardrobe.. wanted to go orchard rd one but my mum was too tired le.. so we jux went home lo.. but b4 tat i went to sembawang n get the ingredients for the mooncake.. thk now my life is all revolving ard food lo.. wahaha...

received a sms from Gan ge~~ abit surprised by his sms and i feel really touched by wat he sms me.. thx for letting me know that u will always be there for me.. tis feeling is so reassuring n nice lo.. thx bro... :)

i cant slp now~~

duno y i cant slp now... been tossing n turning on my bed so decide to come online n blog..

i tot i am ok le.. but now, not being able to slp overturn my 'verdict' previously.. I met HIM today in e evening at orchard.. i need his Chevron membership card n the authorisation letter to book for my bday chalet next yr... n there is still e Econs notes i need to borrow from him..

i was wif anna at orchard earlier on.. as HE haven reached, i decide to walk anna to e train stn although i told him to meet at e Taka fountain.. while i was on my way back to Taka, he called n his tone really scares me sia.. sounded so angry n pek cek lo.. i tot he waited very long le n was angry wif me lo.. but he jux reached only lo, make me scared for nth sia..

a fren of mine told me sth today which makes me feel relieved n happy.. it was sth abt HIM one.. i am really glad to haf known the truth, although knowing it now wont change anything abt our r.s le but den, i am still very happy to know it lo... hehe..

aft our meeting today, i din feel so empty inside me like last wk.. in fact, i dun feel empty n ' shi luo' at all lo.. i can still happily go meet anna for supper at woodgrove.. n happily watched e Vampire show while arranging my notes.. but when i lie on e bed wif nth to do, i thk of him.. my mind is all abt him lo.. i am not feeling upset n i am not crying like last wk.. but i jux thk of him lo.. why isit so, can anyone tell me? i really duno why i am behaving tis way lei.. i muz say tis sentence again liao.... WAT'S HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN!!

yummy mooncakes~~

hehe... i tried making those 'bing pi' mooncakes today n i succeeded... wahaha... so happy sia.. i love to eat mooncake lo.. n now i no need to wait until mid-autumn festival den can eat liao.. wahaha... for a 1st timer, i thk my mooncake taste damn nice lo.. hehe.. got those bakery standard for e taste.. as for the appearance, i believe pratice will do the trick... hehe...

went to sembawang wif my mum today to get the ingredients.. i only buy very little only coz scare later if its e flop at least there wont be so much wastage of food lo.. but heng, it turned out well.. guess my weight will still continue to escalate for e next few days lo.. i still cant stop eating sia.. esp now wif my new recipe ( the mooncake) thk i will eat even more lo... tis time really cham liao la, even e bikini oso wont work le....... i am going to exercise liao... ( i haf been telling myself that for e past 2 yrs but.... ) haiz....

yest i went study wif alvin n philip at civics mac.. wanted to go lib one but it was full liao.. everyone is like studying for their O's n A's lo.. it reminds me of the times when i was studying for my A's wif mr teck.. hehe..

went clubbing at black yest wif vicky, gan ge n guowei... thk i am a little sian abt clubbing liao.. too much of it le.. thk i gonna rest n be a nerd 1st liao... feel like going to sentosa now lo.. i wan to haf my tan back but b4 that, i muz get my FIGURE back 1st... wahaha...

i finally got my bikini~~~

i am super broke now liao lo.. spent 85 bucks on my bikini.. argh~~~ i muz really tighten my belt tis mth liao.. haha.. but it is worth it la.. at least i wont be eating so much n i haf been longing to get a new bikini for very long le.. hehe.. n finally i gt sth i like n i thk it suits me.. so so happy~~~~

n there is another gd pt of getting tis bikini.. coz it act as a motivation for me to eat lesser... nowadays i am like a glutton lo.. eat like nobody business.. n my figure is out of shape liao.. argh~~~ not to mention my chubby face lo.. haha.. so now, i will hang the bikini on my wardrobe to remind myself not to eat so much so as to look nice in it.. haha.. cant contain my excitement sia..

but...... i went to haf supper wif my mum at e prata place.. AND i eat a CHEEZE prata...... wif mushroom somemore... haha.. i cant resist the temptation sia, esp towards food.... i told myself that it will be the last day that i will allow myself to eat like this.. from tml onwards, i muz CONTROL... hehe.. not to mention i went to e food festival thing wif my mum at suntec n i ate alot oso... wahaha... lac lac.. today last day of e food festival liao so no more gorging of food for me oso le.. hehe.. ( i am jux consoling myself again la)

but heng, tml going to club wif vicky so at least i can shake some fats off me while dancing.. hehe.. so at least wont feel so guilty now lo.. haiz.. looking at my tummy now really feel so sinful lo.. haha.. so guys n gals, plz remind me all e time not to eat so much... haha.... i will be super grateful to u all...

not feeling so blue today le~~

woke up at 9 plus today.. e feeling of lonelines is still haunting me.. jux that now, its not as strong as yest le.. haiz.. cant help n cried again yest...... really duno how to describe how i am feeling at tis moment lo.. i am happy to see him gettting on fine now.. really.... i dun hate him anymore le.. its really great to haf seen him again.. :) but den... haiz......

as the day goes by, i am feeling beta n beta.. e feeling of loneliness is finally willing to leave me alone bit by bit.. hee.. wonder if i meet him next time will i still haf 2 go thru this all over again?? haha.. if everytime oso like that den really super sianz lo.. hehe...

went to haf my lunch at jack's place wif my mum.. very long never go there eat wif her le.. aft that i went for my tuition wif my kids at rosewood.. the session ended at 6 n i went home 2 slack 1st b4 meeting guowei 4 movie at cwp... we went to watch Herbie Fully Loaded.. quite a funny show la.. i like e wu gui che.... hehe... there is tis stupid game abt wu gui che when i was in jc.. whenever we see a wu gui che, we can 'knock' a person's head unless she/he 'twist'.. wahaha.. very childish rite?? yes but its fun lo.. hehe..

i met HIM today~~

woke up at 9 today coz i muz reached cine by 11 for our 02s2 gathering.. haha.. actually is jux a handful of us only la.. not e whole cls.. but it had been a long never ever since so many of us haf a gathering le.. really looking forward to it..

by 11 i reached le.. only see bao ge ge & ah shu there.. e others as usual, were late... we went in to sing 1st.. it was really fun, never hear em sing b4.. fatty neo can sing quite well sia.. haha.. andy n e others jux stone there.. only me, ah li n ah shu kp singing.. haha.. & that ah ma, din come at all lo.. still say wan gathering but in e end din turn up..

he reached n meet me at e ktv wif my jc frenz.. actually they all know each other one.. meeting him at e lift there i was like feeling quite alrite n stuff lo.. not so jia lat like how i met him last time le.. thk time is really e best healer ba.. aft e ktv session, we went to subway n acc bao ge ge they all eat.. during e session me n him din talk at all lo.. he was sitting at e other side of e room..

teck n me left em for dinner on our own at cartel.. we walk from cine to ps... was toking n updating abt our life on our way there.. looking at him, its like nth has ever happened b4.. we still behave like how we used to be when we are a couple, jux that now we cant hold hands n hug each other le.. there is this restriction n limit which we cant cross over lo.. at times i still cant believe we haf broke up..

i still feel very comfortable wif him.. there is no tis awkward feelings which i should be experiencing like wat my fren told me.. my feelings for him now is definitely more den jux a fren.. i still haf some feelings towards him lo.. but i dun thk we will ever get together again liao ba.. it seem like we feel more comfortable the way we are now.. mayb its because i dun haf any expectations towards him le ba.. when u dun haf any expectation u will be happier lo.. why now den i start to realise that? n i am wondering is he feeling e same towards me oso??

he acc me to take train back.. everything was like how it used to be b4 we get together.. how we used to study in town n him acc me taking train back to woodlands.. how i wished time can go back to e past.. when i was alone walking back home from cwp, i felt so lonely n empty deep inside me all of a sudden.. mab tis is e after effect of ex-bf n gf meet aft they broke up ba.. u will cant help but kp thking how things haf changed le.. how different things are now.. i hate tis type of feelings lo.. really hate it.. is he feeling e same too?? i duno.. really duno..

2 yrs back we sort of started our r/s n 2 yrs later, we are back to frenz again.. i feek so terrible again now.. really terrible lo..

我的心开始想你了~~我的心真的受伤了~~

i am feeling so sad now.. feel so lonely.. y is tis happening to me again??

we haf broke up for 12 wks le.. n tml will be the day when we confess to each other 2 yrs back.. time really flies.. 2 yrs have passed le.. jux that now our r/s n love for each other is so diff from 2 yrs back.. everything has changed.. e ppl, e feelings, e heart..... we will never be able to go back to e past again.. feel so helpless..

i still miss him.. as a fren, or more den a fren, i duno.. when am i able to know wat i wan n wat am i thking? well, mayb that is how human beings behave ba.. they always duno wat they really wan n thk....

heard from my fren that he is getting on really well now.. cant help n wonder that is he living his life beta w/o me now? i thk he is ba.. at least he will not haf to change for my sake n w/o me ard he will be more carefree.. mayb r/s will eventually end up tis way ba.. feelings will change as time goes by.. things will not be e same forever one n that includes feelings.. at 1st it will be so nice n swt but eventually it will not be e same anymore..... that's life... u haf no choice but to accept it.. dun u agree?

now, my feelings is jux like e background music.... i am really hurt.... or should i say i am feeling hurt again.. feel like drking now........ feel like crying now..... i need a shoulder again... haiz.....

it was so fun yest~~ we rockz~~

haha.. never had so much fun during clubbing b4 le.. yest we are really like 4 crazy women on e stage lo.. but it had never been so fun lo.. really enjoyed myself alot..

went for Poa lect in e afternoon for my Gan ge's sake lo.. i can dun go to sch at all one.. but nvm, that's wat sis n bro are for ma.. rite? but he oso very nice la, bring jacket for me.. thx gan ge.. hehe.. i muz really buck up on my studies liao lo.. been slacking for a wk le n i am like lagging le.. cham ah..

i went to amanda's house rite aft my lect.. gonna stay at her house tonight so went there to put my things 1st.. she gt a really CUTE doggie lo.. hehe.. she is so tame n frenly, that's y she always kena bully n tortured by anna.. haiz.. feel pity towards her.. we slacked at her house until 8plus n took a cab down to black le..

the place was already crowded wif ppl liao n e queue is like never ending one lo.. e 1st time i see so many ppl outside queuing into black.. haiz.. i cant imagine e no of ppl in e dance floor later lo, feel abit sian when i thk of that.. luckily we met rouhui's fren n he let us cut queue.. hehe.. so we jux queue for less den half an hour including e time staying there waiting for waiteng, our b'day gal..

e party started at 10 le.. that's mayb e reason y i thk times passes very slowly yest.. gan ge told me that he will be coming bcoz of his fren ah.. i am quite happy coz finally can haf a change to club wif him le.. its like once in a lifetime as he dun really like to go clubbing one n guowei gt psycho by him to come oso.. but they came too late liao as e club is full when they come le.. in e end they went to indochine n chill out..

we went on e stage n dance again.. hehe.. but tis time round is anna who lead us one not me.. feel very pek cek lo coz those ppl there very bu zi dong one.. kp pushing me n i go off e stage instead.. super sianz sia.. but things turned for e beta.. there are this 3 guys whom we thk are very irritating at 1st but they turn out to be really nice in e end.. they sort of 'take care' of us la.. help us 'fight' for space to dance at e dance floor n on e stage oso.. really grateful to em lo or else we wont be able to enjoy dancing so much yest..

e music n ppl was really happening.. gt some retro n salsa song.. e 4 of us kp doing funny things on e stage.. all those retro dance steps n hands movements.. felt so stupid but who cares, no one will know us.. haha.. but den i thk e ppl there were amazed ( actually is shocked la) by us.. wahaha.. it was really very very fun lo.. we were really high yest la..

i met lewis, my pageant fren, while i was dancing on e stage.. he came over n say hello.. haha.. felt abit pai seh sia.. thk he saw me dancing those stupid things.. haha... i muz say that amanda, waiteng n anna were all really great dancer lo.. dun be pian by their studious looks.. lolzx..

we went back to amanda house at 3 am after getting some food from 7-11.. felt hungry aft all e dancing exercise.. hehe.. we celebrated waiteng's bday at amanda's house n had our gals' tok.. thk tis is e 1st time i do that lo.. e feeling is quite gd lo.. in e end i gt knocked out by 6 am.. super duper tired le lo.. cant tahan..

muz say pai seh to philip n anthan.. cant join u all at double O yest.. my fren they all wanna stayed at black.. next time we shall go club together k?

full day in sch~~

tis blog is for yest one.. alvin ( my fuchun senior) shun bian send me to sch coz another of my fuchun senior who take his car to sch every morning live jux 2 blocks away from me.. hehe.. i am so lucky to haf meet em.. they are really nice n easy going lo.. went to crash e maths lect in e morning.. the whole lect is full of pretty gals sia.. really envy those guys in e lect lo.. den i met stephanie in e lect hall oso.. hehe..

it was quite tiring yest sia.. during the pbf lect in e afternoon i am off most of e time lo.. 1st time lei.. tis cannot be done ah.. muz read thru e notes on my own liao la.. argh~~ muz apologise to gan ge n nic.. din wait for em to go back coz i rushing to meet alvin who is waiting for me at e carpark lo.. hehe.. n very pai seh towards alvin n wilson oso coz make em wait for me in e car.. my lect duno y today end later den usual lo.. sianz.. pai sei hor.. hehe..

e moment i reached home i lie flat on e sofa liao lo.. super tired lei.. took an hr nap b4 waking up n had my dinner.. was watching e superstar thing when anthan called me n jio me to ktv.. i agree to it n went straight to meet em.. 1st time i so on lo.. haha.. mayb becoz stay at home oso nth to do ba so rather go out n play.. i am so happy to know so many wlds ppl in sim.. haha..

we started singing at 10 n ended e session at 1am.. they are really very frenly n fun to be wif lo.. haha.. most imptly, they are as lame as me lo.. hee... had alot of fun wif em during e ktv session.. rite aft that we went for supper at woodgrove.. tis is e 3rd day i went there for supper liao lo but i din eat anything tis time round la.. philip came n join us rite aft work.. i am really amazed by his stamina lo.. haha.. we slacked there until 230 n went home le.. by the time i lie on my bed i am damn tired liao sia but i jux cant slp... argh~~~