finally has the time to come online & upload those photos that we took in genting last wk.. gonna go back again next wk wif qc they all so beta settled those from the previous trip one cause i thk tis time round, we gonna take alot of photos also...

the 1st day there was damn cold.. we went to haf our lunch at somewhere inside the carpark of highland hotel.. ha.. surprised rite, we managed to find an eating place there.. photos aft lunch... the weather is damn misty...


my mum & sis..


my mummy...


dun thk my dad know i took this pic of him.. hehe..

its actually fathers' day when we reached there so we decided to go to haf buffet dinner at cafe terrace to sort of like celeb it.. since its a 'grand' occassion, definitely its normaly for e gals to doll up rite.. den its natural for us to take more photos.. haha.. so........


there comes the bimbotic me...


together wif my sis...





wanted to take a family photo one during dinner one but there's no one helping us cause the waiters were all very busy & we dun wan to trouble those patrons.. sad case... :(


went to the area outside the restaurant where we took the photos the other time aft dinner .. cause taking pic of the places that are significant to me is one of the objectives for me to go back there... :)


the scenery outside the restuarant...


tis is my fav. ferris wheel...


& the dazzling spinner ride.....

the next day, my dad went back to singapore cause of his work thingy.. as for us we remained there until thur.. took quite a few pics during the time.. also forget the actual timing when we took it le....



dun we look cute here.. hehe


my sis is jux like me, very zi lian.. haha.. (tat's y we are sis!! )


took tis while waiting for my pizza~~


and tis while waiting for my turn to sing... :)

tat's only the tip of the iceberg.. haha.. dun thk gonna upload all of em... scare my blog cannot take it.. hehe...

ha.. went out wif my colleagues & lawrence aft work.. went to the ktv at civics centre.. 1st time went out wif em, its like a team bonding thingy.. its really fun working in a group esp when we are all very siao.. haha.. well, all of em can sing quite well lo.. erm~~ are all telemarketers gd singers?? ha.. cause its e case for our team.. hehe...

sing until 1 & jeremy send me home.. 2nd time riding a bike.. still as 'bim' cause i duno how to go up n down of the bike.. haha.. was knocked out the moment i reached home.. den tis morn, woke up at 8 again to go to work.. half way thru the day i am damn shag out already..

went to pinang corner to haf my lunch with em.. stone all e way aft lunch.. thk i am really very very tired from all e calling & busy schedule tis wk.. really thk i super up lo.. every day aft work gt sth on & is those end late in e nite prog... muz really stop all tis already.. damn tired ah~~~

finally can rest tml at home hopefully.. haha.. alot of things haven done yet.. like my genting photos are still not uploaded.. gonna upload them later.. hope i wont get tempted by my bed & went to bed instead.. hehe.. i miss playing MJ... i wanna MJ~~

has been damn damn busy tis days.. busy until gt no time to go online to blog even when i haf access to the internet almost everyday in e office... haven been home for earlier den 10 tis days.. even on tue, when i went to book the genting tic, i tot i could go back home early like 8 or 9 but in e end, only managed to reach aft 1030..

as for yest, haf to acc geraldine darling to zouk cause its like her last 3 nites there le.. in another 3 wks time she will be leaving for sydney & hanxiong, going to army.. thk wont be going so frequently to club anymore.. nowadays, i am more work oriented.. haha.. wanna earn as much $$$ as possible during tis holidays.. hehe...

really vert busy tis days la.. dun haf time to thk abt alot of other stuffs other den work.. cause when i haf time, i will rather slp now.. hehe.. quite excited abt the genting trip..

still at the office now.. dun thk will be going back any sooner.. so beta come n blog here 1st cause thk by the time i reached home i will jux be knocked out completely le... its a hectic day today.. 1st day the office start operation, gt alot of things to attend to.. woke up damn early in e morning.. thk for the next few days will be having tis kind of lifestyle... luckily the tuition was cancelled tonight, else will be worse...

chatted wif him on e line.. felt abit weird.... mayb we are still at the pt when we are trying to find a appropriate way to tok to each other ba.. :) saw his new nick.... well, felt abit sian when i saw it.. no choice, we haf to move on ah... its jux the rite way... thk its normal for me to feel tat way ba.. if i dun den thk i will be very heartless lo.. haha..

MC said whenever he saw my blog he felt damn sad.. erm.... ok la.. its not really so jia lat as wat u guys see it la... my life is filled wif happiness & fun also ah.. like i am going to genting once again le.. haha.. tis time round wif qc they all... quite excited abt it... hehe.. thk gonna play until damn 'feng' tis time round.. already plan wat we gonna do there le.. haha... jux hope tat mr billy can go wif us lo.. still cannot contact him.. thk he is still diving duno at where ah... haha...

heard tis song when i went to the ktv wif him.. din really catch the lyrics until today... it jux describe wat happened to me last wk, when i was at genting.. wat's diff is the days tat i wanted everything to go back to the past.... ha....

realise wat am i doing there at that pt finally aft reading the lyrics.. i thk i totally dun understand & duno how to express myself now.. only when listening to the songs den i know at tat pt of time, how am i feeling... its like so pathetic....
tat's some of the lyrics tat i thk fully express how i feel but i only manage to realise it now...

自以为是的从容...不想你把心放空....却忘了旅行终究得回头.... 我在回来时把倔强遗忘在入境的门口...再也无处可躲满身的失落... 没有你的我终于开始感到寂寞...过去这期间我的无所谓...全都是谎言....

i overestimate myself, thking i can jux heck care abt everything.. in order not to thk & feel the pain, i empty out all the feelings inside my heart... but i forgot tat every vacation will end no matter wat, i still mux come back to face everything... i always say n tell myself i mux leave everything behind once i am back... i did to some extent & felt sth which i cant explain.. now den i know wat tat feeling is.... watever i did & said during tis period are all lies.... lies tat should be said to let everything go the way it should go.....

finally manage to haf some time on my own today.. haf been going out since the day i came back.. gt a chance to slp until quite late today & slack ard at home.. will be having a very busy wk ahead.. dun thk haf the change to slp & laze ard until weekend le.. wan to make myself very busy, only like tis i will not let my mind go & thk abt other stuffs... at least its a healthy way to forget abt things rather den drking...

the genting thingy has sort of finalised le.. will be going to book the tour package on tue if nth crops up.. but the room thingy still haven settled.. shall see how it goes over the days...

had a super busy day today.. woke up early in e morning cause gotta meet lawrence to go back to the office for some product trg & management thingy.. as usual, meet him at sembawang & go down together.. ta bao our breakfast & went straight to the office aft tat..

aft an hour plus trg, we went to ikea to get some furniture for e office.. quite long din go there le but its still as crowded... spend quite some time there walking ard, looking & deciding how should we 'decorate' the office.... den went to haf our lunch & takeaway their famous chicken wings b4 going back to the office..

his frenz was already waiting for us there le... he came to help out wif e server thingy.. as for me, felt damn seh when i went back there.. thk its because of the stupid weather.. felt beta aft resting & i started helping him to assemble the bookshelf.. haha.. wat a great achievement lo.. i help in assembling the bookshelf & did quite a gd job.. haha.. thk i am not really a 'bim' after all.. hehe...

was quite worried abt him, so decide to msg him.. glad that he was getting on fine... :) den continue to help out wif the office until 5 plus when we went to Sim Lim to get some comp stuffs.. the laptop there is damn cheap lo.. really tempted to get one for myself but gt budget contrain... haiz...

went back again to the office & helped out until 8 cause i need to rush to jean's darling bday party.. all my frenz haf reached already, only left me who is still at bugis.. waited freaking long for that stupid bus... by the time i reached there, its already close to 920... she had already cut the cake le.. felt quite bad lo... sorry darling for reaching so late.. :(


that's the pretty bday gal....



met up wif brandon, wilson & guochao.. super long never see em le, esp guochao... thk gt more den half a yr ba.. den we discuss abt the genting trip.. qing cheng is ok.. as for brandon & wilson, they say mux ask their gf 1st b4 confirming wif me.. qc & me kp suaning them, saying tat's one bad thing abt being attached.. haha.. but thk more or less should be settled le la.. its only left wif e rooom's pro... cause caleb might be going wif jean.. so they will be sharing a room ba.. den left me & qc... duno whether he will be asking his colleague along or not?? if yes den i will be having the room for myself all alone.... well.. shall see how it goes lo..


tat's a few of my uni close guy frenz...


uni group photo... ( but nt the full strength cause mr billy has gone diving.... )

we stayed until 10 & left the party cause qc gt a MJ date whereas wilson & brandon wanted to go to play pool at CCK.. so i joined em, since i will be taking the same way back as wilson at e end of e day.. guochao joined us in e end..

super long never play pool already.. thk gt almost 2 yrs.. felt damn sia suay playing wif em lo.. esp brandon, thk he can play quite well... i only play one game, dun wan to throw face too much ah.. haha... we played for a while only, has to catch the last train back...


smapshots!!! jux look at their pose.. hehe...

was checking abt the packages to genting online jux now.. gonna call up the agency to ask em abt the trip... will try to cfm wif em asap as qc need to reschedule his swimming lesson.. quite excited abt it, thk its e 1st time we haf such an outing.. come to thk of it, we din even haf a dinner thingy wif the full strength getting together b4..

woke up early tis morn cause my mum asked me to fetch her to SGH last min... quite hectic cause muz rush to town den come back again.. went to alvin's place to get the textbook from him b4 sending my mum back home.. den went to meet him to pass him sth..

seeing him for the 1st time aft i came back from my genting trip.. well, i was quite skeptical abt tis meeting.. duno isit a correct move to meet him so soon or not.. am scare tat the finally settled emotions will be swayed once i met him...

he came to meet me specially at wlds b4 we went to town together.. din really tok much on the train.. dun dare to tok abt & mention alot of things also.. had sushi buffet for lunch & eat until damn full... went for ktv aft tat.. tat's like our usual rountine everytime.. haha.. s'pore really gt nth much to do la..

tis time round, i din pick those songs tat i'll usually sing wif him.. i dun wish to bring everything back once again.. i dun wan to end up like e other time when my emotions got the beta of me & make me lose it completely.. its been so hard for me to suppress everything down, i dun wan to ruin it.... but when he sang the blog song, i felt sth.... i know tis song meant sth to us, esp how he felt now... i can feel the tears inside my eyes.. as usual, force it back again... i dun wan to cry in front of him & make him feel guilty or sorry towards me... i haf been trying my best to act as if eveything is fine le.. i dun wan my effort to go down the drain...

i already say to myself tat, when i leave genting, i will not go n thk abt anything anymore but its hard... he kept asking me i got anything to tell him or not... i thk i gt alot but i duno how to say everything out... duno where to start also... my mind was in a blank... i dun wish to thk abt anything cause from the past experience, once i thk abt it, i will once again feel 'she bu de'... which is wat i dun wan to feel cause tis time round, i muz really let go le... so i dun wan anything to deter me from doing tat...

i can sense tat he is not happy at all today.. not his usual cheerful self... thk my presence really make him very miserable... tis is not sth i wan.. i haf hold him back for very long le, should not do it any further... i felt quite guilty towards him cause i know i am the one causing him all e pain.. try to cheer him up although i know it will not help much also.. like wat he say, time is e best healer... wat he needs now is time to get over everything ba.. but its so contradicting.. i know the only way for him to get back his life n feel happy again is when he forget abt me or haf no feelings towards me anymore... but i dun wish tat to happen... life is jux full of irony & contradiction......

he sent me back home... din feel as bad as the other time.. tis time round, i understand tat time will not stop for us... it will jux continue to move no matter how hard u wish tat everything can stop jux for u.. there will still come the time when i will reach home & let go of his hand eventually... so why not jux behave very 'siao sa' in front of him rather den showing him i am sad & make him feel sad also...

he kept saying that i am a strong person today.. mayb its due to how i behave & said to him ba... i sounds like i am fine already, everything settled, not looking back anymore.. i even comfort him & ask him dun thk so much abt it anymore.. well, its jux a pretence... ya, everything is settled but i am not fine completely... i am doing all tis because i wan him to thk tat i haf moved on so he should also... its time for him to do tat le.... as far as i hate it, i thk its e best for him tis way ba....

2 mths... tat's how long tis thing lasted.. i am jux a passer-by in his life, adding some colors to his life.. duno wat color haf i added.. hope its sth tat he likes & will keep it forever... :)

took a nap at e hotel tis afternoon.. the life here is super relac... really can make u forget abt everything, dun feel like leaving here at all.. cause the moment i leave here, i mus face everything again back in spore.. be it work, studies or other stuffs... really am afraid i will once again feel suffocated when i go back to S'pore... tat's y i mux come here more often since i am having the free room stay wif em... hehe... finally understand why my mum love to come here....

managed to walk ard today.. my mum has gone to the theme park wif my sis, so left me all alone w/o nth to do.. so decide to walk to the park since i gt the time.. taking the same way e other time but tis time i am walking alone.. actually i am quite afraid to go back there cause for the past 2 days, i am trying my best to suppress all the feelings n stuffs le.. finally, everything has sort of settled down more or less... so i am scare when i go back there, i will stir up those feelings again.. but jux like wat i say, i wan to settle everything b4 i went back cause aft tat i dun wish to thk abt it anymore.. the best way to do tat is to face it so i went...

did felt sth... sth did stir up n mess up my finally calm down emotions alittle... mayb tis time round, i went in the day.. no fog, no wind n stuffs like the other time.. or mayb i have done a gd job in suppressing my feelings le..tat's y its not as bad as i tot it would be... eh.... actually i also duno la.. i duno is tat my true feelings or isit a feeling i felt under the circumstances...

went to the KTV wif my sis.. of all the 100 over rooms there, the waitress brought me to the same one which i went wif him last time.. i thk either heaven is really making fun of me or he is trying to test my limit... i haf gone to the civics centre KTV for so long & never go back to the same room everytime... but tis one, i only went twice & both is the same room!!! tis really reminds me of our time spent there.. argh~~~ thk i jux cant run away from all tis....

i haf always wanted to go into the outdoor theme park at nite cause everything looks really beutiful wif all the lightings, esp the merry-go-round & spinner.. as far as i rem, the theme park closes at 10.. but the other time when i came wif him, it closes at 7 lo.. thk really no fate to go in wif him.. tis time round, manage to go wif my sis.. its e 1st time i went in there at nite... its quite nice & as usual, its very cold.. but i jux love the cool tinge the breeze leaves on my face.. it really perks u up & 'blows' away ur worries....

sth happened b/w me & my bro.. nearly caused me to cry & carefully kept emotions to burst out... no one was wif me to comfort me or share all tis wif me... dun wan to tell my mum abt wat happened cause thk there's no pt telling her.. might make things worse onlly.... felt damn lonely, helpless & useless at that time.. thus, i broke a promise that was supposed to be kept... mayb u can say tat's an excuse but well.......... nvm.....

really felt very relunctant to leave here.. can i jux stay there for like a mth.. haha.. well, genting is jux like a human's heart.. ppl comes n goes.. its jux a matter of how long they will stay only.. no one will stay there forever ba... at 1st, they are jux curious abt the place so they thk its interesting & wants to stay longer... but as time passes by, they will realise tat, its not as interesting as they tot it is in the 1st place.. there's no more 'xin xian gan'.. tat's when they start to look for other places for 'hols'.... haha.. wat a weird analogy rite??

the weather here is only 15 degrees now.. super cold, jux like how i feel inside my heart now.. was sitting alone outside the entrance to the outdoor theme park, hoping the cold wind can make my mind clearer so that I can process n thk abt wat he said to me tis afternoon.. had the urge to cry a lot of times but I jux force em back.. ever since tis afternoon, i duno wat i am feel already.. i jux know there's tis thing weighing on my heart & its making me hard to breathe... the pain is slowly coming back to find me.. heart really feel very very pain now, esp aft chatting wif him..

once again, i haf tot too highly of myself le.. i tot i haf tot it thru but hearing wat he say still has impact even though its already wat I expected…. Well, I should i say i am left wif no choice at all but to make myself accept the fact readily & make tat decision.. actually its lame when I say I make tat decision cause all along, either me or him are the not the one making any decision cause there is no choice or other way out for us at all… it’s a fact known, known very long time ago but I jux ignored it cause I really cant bear to face it… now, comes the time when I cant ‘ tao bi’ anymore... tis genting trip is actually one tat i come here to re-live everything one last time cause aft tis, everything will be kept inside a corner of my heart which will be locked up.. duno when will i go n open it up again le.... mths, yrs or mayb never….. but I know, I will try my best to kp it safely.. no one can take it away from me….

i will not be so heartless as to throw everything away.. cause i dun wan to forget all tis also...... so i am trying to feel & gone thru everything we had gone thru tis 6-7 wks.... but, its really very torturing..... why i jux love to torture myself?? argh..... i know i will feel the sadness, loneliness & emptiness when i visit those placse but i jux cant help & go there....

seriously, the longer i stay here in genting, the more unreal tat trip seems to be... it really seems like a dream, din really happened b4... well, it might not be a bad thing also.. mayb i might jux convince myself tat wat happened is actually a dream one day, like tat it might not be so hurting at all...

was reading thru my blog entry yest.. actually i really cant rem wat i haf wrote until i saw it tis afternoon... i duno wat i am writing at that pt of time also... even now, i also duno wat i am writing.. jux shoot n type nonsense.. haha.. thk my blog is really full of rubbish....

aft tis trip ends, i will not go n thk abt it anymore.... the wall will start to build the moment i leave here & i will try my best not to let anything break it down anymore tis time round... not getting into any r/s relating stuff or wat any time sooner.. I dun wish to feel the pain.. its really too much for me to bear… I really cant take it anymore…

sitting at the starbuck at the indoor theme park now.. in front of me is the ferris wheel that i always love looking at.. its really very beautiful.. too bad, its indoor, or else i thk it will be damn gorgeous.. mayb its the lighting or mayb its due to the myth of the ferris wheel.. haha.. gals will always be gals...

rem the phobia that i told u guys abt?? i was having it tis morning when we were on our way up here to genting.. taking the same old route as the past but things are damn diff.. felt quite emotional during the journey.. tot i would feel worse when i am up here... well, i did... but its not as bad as i imagined it would be...

pass by some of the places & some memories flashed back.. its not as hard as i imagined also.. mayb i din really go n thk abt it also.. now i am like quite normal, not really feeling anything.. i really duno isit a gd thing or not.. i am here to find back myself but i am now like doing nth & thking abt nth at all.. its more like a relaxation trip & a trip tat let me come here to 'tao bi' the reality & not facing it at all..

i am jux like my normal self.. doing all those normal things tat i will do when i am here wif my family wif occassional memories of him & me flashing pass my mind when i pass by some places.. din really specially go to the park n stuff cause i dun thk my mum will let me go there alone.. but.. i nearly did a stupid thing today.. i nearly walk to the room that we stayed here e other time... haha..

dun thk i will be going back anytime soon.. haven really fulfil the purpose of me coming here.. eh.. actually i duno lei.. thk i am still at the blur n confuse state ba.... going back to the casino aft this.. pray tat i will win ba... hehe..

goint tml genting wif my parents tml le.. not feeling the least excited abt the trip at all... the place bear too much memories le... everywhere i go i will be reminded of our times there, there's no place for me to eescape.. the worse part is i haf to take it all alone, wif no shoulder, frenz or watsoever to depend on.. not even my blog....

mayb in the 1st place i did wrongly le.. i shouldnt go wif em for the trip, the memories that i wan in e 1st place is actually the one tat is hurting me the most now.. taking the same road, going to the same place & doing the same thing but the feelings are so different now.. from happiness to loneliness... wat a big contrast.... i know i will go back to all the places where we went b4 during my trip alone tis time round.. guess u guys muz be thking since all tis things will make u feel bad n upset, why will u wan to go thru it?? well, thk tat's human beings ba.. they like to feel the pain.. its e only thing tat i can do to tell me tat, things really did happened & i really do exist in tis world...

i know things will surely change tis time round... in fact i thk its already changing now le... i duno its him or me.. i duno i am or he is changing because of the circumstances which forces us to change or because both of us has had enough... well, sometimes in life, u jux cant find an ans to a qns cause knowing the truth might not be a gd thing.. but come to thk of it, wo yi jing zhuan dao le.. cause things should haf changed a mth back... at least i gt earn a mth le ah.. hehe..

like wat he said during the call jux now... i should use tis trip to find myself back.. i really duno wat i am doing tis days & i felt like a zombie now.. while on the train listening to the mp3, i tried to make myself thk but i cant.. nearly cried but forced the tears back.. alighted at marsiling & want to walk home but in e end, i found myself walking to the park nearby instead... while walking ard the park, i realise tat there are tears on my cheek... found a seat & started stoning there.. really nth goes in & come out of my mind at all.. its like BLANK w/o anything.. den i found tat i am not feeling anything also... no sadness, no emptiness, no nth... i jux walked home like tat as if nth has happened.... wats all tis!!! theres no logic behind all those things tat i haf done at all....

even at tis pt now, i dun feel anything.. haf i gone back to the stage when i am void of any feelings again?? haf i built up the defense already?? or mayb i am jux too tired to feel anything now le, its jux tat i haven realise it only.. well, i really duno.. tat's y i thk the genting trip might not be a bad thing aft all.. change of environment & time alone, with no one able to reach me...

jux finish chatting wif him online.. actually i no need to go to genting to know whether i am really void of feelings or not cause i can feel the........... all the things started because of selfishness.. if it werent for me, he wont be feeling those unneccessary feelings also... me feeling upset is because i brought it upon myself, no need to feel sorry towards but as for him, its because i brought it upon him.....

i will try my best to fulfil all those promises i made which is within my limits to him cause i know very clearly how its like to be when someone break the promise they made to u... i hate tis feeling totally & i dun wan to cause it on others too.. tis vicious cycle should not continue...

i will try n see whether i can come online at genting or not.. so u guys need to get me, jux type at my msn ba...

jux reached home not long ago from work.. was working at the office the whole day but felt damn sei & listless.. having tis super hangover tis morning when i wake up.. pop 2 panadol b4 i went to bath n get ready for work.. really very sei... dun haf any appetite today & my head feels very heavy.. 1st time in my life tat i haf a hangover.. finally felt how it feels & tis will be my 1st & last time feeling tat.. i swear to myself tat i will not let drk until tat stage again anymore.. NEVER!!!

super duper sia suay yest.. i always say i dun like gals to drk until they sit at the street there n puke but yest i did tat & its next to the river somemore.. worse thing is he is there next to me when i puke... really super pai seh la... i really cant even stand n walk at tat pt of time.. so he went to get me some drks while i stayed there.. there is tis really kind-hearted couple who came over & asked whether i am alrite & stuff.. really appreciate wat they did.. den come the funny part, 2 hotel security walked by & tot i want to jump into the river... super lost~~~

well, really hate myself yest.. argh~~ AND he saw everything..... all the worse part of me......... 1st guy who saw my most unglam, vulnerable & weak side... i haf never allow myself to get so drunk b4 cause i dun wan to be taken care of by others.. i rather be e one taking care of others den e other way round.. i jux dun feel secured getting drunk outside.. the worst i haf done is jux puke but i am still conscious... as for yest, i was knocked out completely at some pt... am glad tat he was with me cause i know i am in very good hand & i know i can trust him.... hehe... but felt very sorry towards him cause he haf to take care of a super cho lo drunk woman who is very heavy..

alcohol is really a scary thing.. it can make u lose urself!! haha.. super lost it yest.. dun thk i'll be touching alcohol anytime soon.. got phobia now, esp long island tea!!! i thk i blabber alot of rubbbish but i cant seem to recall wat exactly i say... mayb its a gd thing also... dun wan to learn abt it when i am sober now & sia suay myself once again... haha.. he sent me back home & i slp all the way thruout the journey... mux really thx him for taking care of me & sending me home.. :)

very pai seh towards huili & qiujie cause i din managed to find them & tell them i am leaving 1st.. sorry babes.. we shall go down n club soon!! tis time round, muz drag ms anna to go wif us.. cannot let her off anymore.. hehe...

finally start work today le.. went to sembawang to meet lawrence b4 going to his yishun office to get the stuff.. took a cab down aft tat.. went to meet him cause wanna pass him sth.. had a short meeting, cause need to go back n help lawrence wif the setting up.. stayed until 6 plus cause need to go to holland v to celeb bao ge ge bday..

haf been celeb his bday there for 2 consecutive yrs.. i reached there quite early & saw johnson there le.. chat up wif him n know tat he is now studying at SIM too but its a diff course as mine.. aft dinner, we went ard to get cake for bao ge b4 going down to wala-wala..


the 2 'ahs' left... 1 went abroad, e other cannot be found...

ever since shu's bday i haven been going there le.. sit there & haf some catching up session while waiting for serene to bring bao ge over.. he was quite surprised to see us when serene removed his blindfold.. thk he muz be damn touched.. hehe..


the 4 convention steps....


the guys...


the gals...


serene was very innovative.. she printed a pic of ah li & bring it wif her.. like tat, ah li is consider to be 'present' at the celeb.. super funny la.. tat's my JC gang, always doing all tis funny n sia suay thing.. haha... but its really damn fun.. long live to my JC gang......


that's our ms ah li who is abroad....

look at how funny we are.....


bao ge & ah li... ( the loggerhead )


jackson & ah li ( the childhood sweetheart.. haha... )


the cutie 4... hehe..


my wonderful JC gang....

ok, last but no least...... let's end the day wif.......


the ms BIM......

was very busy today.. woke up quite early cause going to e market wif mummy to get the ingredient for yam paste.. yest had already finish peeling the ginko.. peel until hand super pain but tat's not the worse part.. the worse thing happen today..

as you guys know, we cant touch yam wif our bare hand cause the juice or duno wat will make us itchy.. thus i use glove but it din help at all... it took me super long to finish peeling n cutting it.. but the most draining thing comes later.. its the mashing process.. cause i dun haf a blender so muz do everything using my own hand.. i took more den 2.5 hours to finish mashing the whole thing.. mux be wondering why i took so long rite.. cause i wan to make it soft n smooth.. tis needs time n STRENGTH.. guess if i kp doing tis, i will haf a 'xiao lao shu' soon.. hehe..

aft tat, still haf to stir fry it & cook the ginko.. only managed to finish everything ard 4 plus.. wa.. next time rather buy at dessert store den cook it again..

today is a special day.. i haf stepped into my singlehood for EXACTLY 2 yrs.. where's my cake wif the candles??? hehe.. time flies... 2 yrs... wat haf i achieved tis 2 yrs?? gt into UNI, becoming fatter, complexion becoming worse... haha.. okok.. tat's the physical thing which everyone knows.. as for those things tat ppl duno, some i also duno myself.. ppl always say tat when u grow older, u get to know urself beta.. well, tat doesnt seems to apply to me at all.. i become more n more unfathomable.. sometimes i also duno wat i am feeling is true or a feeling tat i convince myself i mux feel at tat pt of time.. cause tat's supposedly the 'right' one..

really dun understand wat i wan more n more.. felt like a stranger.. becoming more n more like a old woman also.. kp slacking n rotting at home.. well, let's hope when i start working, i will start to behave n live like an energetic young woman once again.. super mono lifestyle now.. i need some color n spices in my life.. everything seem so black n white.. ( should say its more like black for me )

i wanna go on a vacation to find myself back.. i thk i haf lost it le ba.. gotta find it back soon.. felt lost at times, duno wat i wan in my life n duno whether tat's the true me, sitting here typing... its so scary... isit because of the society tat cause me to behave tis way or isit because of wat i went thru?? i am like closing myself up from others, dun wan to contact anyone tis days.. wan to distance from others... i felt tat human being can be very scary, u duno wat they are thking.. u duno whether they are true to u or not.. u duno whether they treat u the way because they are sincere or because they haf other motives.. & its very tiring to go n guess or analyse their actual intention.. i really feel very tired wif all tis 'games'... guess i am really a lazy bum....

was looking thru my docomo pic last yr.. quite sad tat tis yr i cant be working there.. argh.. its so fun working there, esp when u can touch n play wif all the lastest handset from japan & get to know their new technology.. not to mention their pay.. argh~~ why did i screw up tat interview!!!

was listening to the songs & looking thru my entries last mth.. while looking at it, its as if i was looking at somebody elses life.. its like not mine at all.. i really cant believe i went thru all tis.. ha..

its so strange.. during my exams time when i should conc on my studies, so much things happened.. at tat pt, time is already not enuff for me to revise le.. but i still haf to share it to manage all those stuffs.. now, exams has ended.. i haf so much time to thk n slack but i dun feel anything now.. wa... its jux like on rainy day when u need a cab there's none in sight but when u dun need it, there's so many on e road....

was chatting wif anna.. chat abt how we used to gif our exs chance when they disappoint or make us sad.. we are so alike.. well, mayb that time is our 1st r/s.. we duno where is our limit & how hurtful it is.. as for now, things are diff ba...

went to my aunt's place yest.. pass by JJC & quite alot of memories flash back.. it has been 5 yrs since i 1st study there.. cant believe tat some of my JC classmates are going out to work now le.. haiz.. cant dun admit tat i am old..

nth seems to change there from the exterior.. i can still rem all those lame things we did together & the 'ahs' gang.. wif ah ma always singing the 'dim sum' song, andy & jackson (known as a skinny & fatty team) always bullying our innocent & blur grace.. haha.. on top of that, the stupid 'wu gui ce' game.. wa.. there's so much more la.. really miss em.. come to realise because of our busy schedule & our own life, we are not that close now le.. well, tat's life ba.. ppl come n go in ur life... wat we can do is to treasure the person when he happens to be in ur life now... sad to say, its a very simple logic but always hard to achieve..

we went to holland v to haf our dinner & shop ard there aft tat... din stay for long cause there's nth much to shop in e 1st place.. aft dinner, we went back to my aunt's place cause my mum wanna play MJ there & i haf to send her back home aft the game.. as my goddad is not home yet, i play in his place 1st.. thk i am really addicted to MJ tis time round le.. so sad, cause genting doesnt haf MJ there or else i can play there during my trip next wk... really duno how to survive the 5 days there..

went to JB wif mummy yest.. its a last min thingy cause at 1st they wan to go down to chinatown for dim sum one but i need to meet teck in e evening so find it a hassle to go to town specially n come back..

been weeks since i last went in there... as usual, we went there to eat at Kim Gary.. love their food there.. yum yum.. hehe.. aft tat, we shop ard the shopping centre.. wanted to get the vest but its out of stock le.. in e end, i din get anything from there..

we went back in e evening & reach cwp jux in time to meet him.. he complained say i was late la.. super gek gao lo... he changed quite abit.. duno how to say but feel that he changed.. maybe during this 1 whole yr period, tat special someone in his life has changed him or because of wat happened in his life tat made or force him to change ba.. but there's one thing tat remains e same.. we still love to bicker wif each other & most of the time, i still lose to him... i really cant stand him la.. still as lame as ever....

things have really gone back to the time when we 1st started as frenz.. cant believe we haf known each other for 5 yrs le.. time flies rite.. in another few more days, i will be stepping into the 2nd yr of my singlehood...

when i saw him tis time round, there's no more special type of feelings anymore.. thk time is really the best thing in tis world to let the 'wound' heal & let the heart 'cool off'... we din really catch up much, most of the time i am the one asking him qns... but i din ask in depth also cause i dun wan him to feel like being interrogated by an officer.. hehe.. so tis catching up session is more like a normal movie cum dinner session instead..

aft dinner, i forced him to send me back home.. haha... knew he will say its very troublesome one but i dun care lo.. hehe.. quite happy to meet up wif him & know tat he is getting along quite well wif his life.. but seriously, i really felt its a pity tat he cant continue his studies... i din ask him the reason behind it or should i say i dun dare to ask him cause i feel he will feel quite uncomfotable abt it.. no matter wat, i hope everything will turn out well for him from now on...

jux reached home an hour ago.. went to meet lawrence at his yishun's office to help him out wif some work stuffs.. b4 tat, i was slacking at home once again.. ok la, cannot say slack totally cause gt help out wif some household chores.. hehe.. the weather today is damn hot n stuffy.. super sickening...

feeling very sian of my life le.. luckily, i will be starting work for in another few more days.. very motivated to work now... thk i haven been working for very long tat's y i am feeling tis way... muz pia sales le... aft helping out his stuffs, we went to yishun central to meet geraldine.. she was studying there..

had our dinner there & went to the safra country club to sing ktv... it has been 3 mths since we last went out together like tis.. reminds me of last yr when we used to hang out aft work.. time really flies, so fast a yr has passed.. in another few more wks, geraldine will be leaving for sydney.... wonder when we will go out like tis again....

we din sing until very late cause she arranged to meet her frenz to collect sth at admiralty.. so we left at 10 plus.. but that sickening guy went off b4 we reached.. cant even wait for 10 min... super sickening.. made us come all e way & he left jux like tat.... we stayed at the mac there cause geradline wan to study.. so me & lawrence continue discussing abt our work stuffs.. but most of the time we are toking rubbish... haha...

stayed until 12 plus n i managed to catch the last bus back.. will be meeting teck on thur.. finally we manage to fix a timing which both of us can make it.. over the past few mths we had been wanting to meet but every time..... haha... haven seen him for a yr already... thk there will be alot of things for us to catch up... but thk we will end up bickering in e end...

went to haf Sizzlers again wif my family yest as a post b'day celeb thingy for my sis.. has been slacking at home for the past few days.. finally went out wif em to shop & walk ard... GSS has been going on for a wk but i am damn broke now la.. super sian..

love shopping n going to town during weekdays cause there's no crowd.. very long never go out n shop wif em le.. thk i will be going back to the hols mode soon.. feel like going out & stuffs le.. thk i haf slacked enough & its time to live my hols life..

aft sending em to the station.. i walk to back to esplanade cause only there has the bus to where i wanted to go.. was walking alone esplanade n alot of memories flashed back... duno y, i jux love the land scape there.. i feel like being in another place, its jux so diff.. mayb because i lived near there when i was young & it reminds me of the past ba.. when the bus passed by shenton way, it reminds me of my grandfather.. i rem how he used to cycle along there wif me sitting behind him.. tat time i was only ard 4 or 5... really missed him... cant believe tat he had passed away for more den 17 yrs... alot of things has changed along the route.... things which seems familiar to me are not wat they are used to be.... felt really weird....

had a super hectic day yest.. went to the casino ship wif my mum.. wake up ard 8 plus cause it needs more den an hr for us to travel to the tenah merah jetty... when we reached, we still need to take a small boat to batam den change to another one b4 we board the casino ship... super duper troublesome!!

there's practically nth there except a casino & a restuarant where we can haf our meals... i can jux walk ard the gaming table looking at how others play.. really super boring.. thk genting is much nicer cause at least when we are tired, we still can go walk ard & enjoy the cool 'breeze'... moreover, i haf alot of memories there...

when i saw those gaming table, it reminds me of the time there.. really looking forward to the genting trip now... we took the 645 boat back.. only managed to reach home aft 10.. wa.. i tell u, tis will be e one n only time i am going there.. its super time consuming...

我想要说- 演奏版

it has been 4 wks.. 4 wks back i am at genting where everything started.. everything that i never dreamt of happened... during tis 4 wks, my life is like on a roller coaster ride.. so much has happened... i haf never ever went thru so much things b4 in my life within such a short time.. i haf never blog so much in my entire 2 yrs of blogging... i always ask myself tis qns... am i dreaming?? if yes, den why my heart is feeling so painful.. its so vivid, so intense, so unbearable....

even until now, the trip still seems so unreal to me... its doesnt seems like it only happened 4 wks back... it seems so long... it doesnt seems like a 'fresh' memory... i will ask myself isit a wrong move for me to go there.... i really duno... if i din go, things wont haf happened & we wont be feeling so painful now... but if i din go, there will not be any memories for us at all...

the weather is jux like how i felt today.. stormy & gloomy.. aft sending jean off, i went to the park near my house.. walked ard the park, walk along the route we used to walk.. finally, i sat there alone listening to my mp3... listening to all the songs tat are related to us.... tot abt the genting trip & abt wat happened during tis 4 wks... thk abt wat i should do from now on.... thk abt the trouble & misery i brought upon him.... thk abt how selfish i am... thk abt alot of things.....

wat should i do now to lessen his misery?? will he be better off w/o me in his life at all?? will he be happier??