the weather here is only 15 degrees now.. super cold, jux like how i feel inside my heart now.. was sitting alone outside the entrance to the outdoor theme park, hoping the cold wind can make my mind clearer so that I can process n thk abt wat he said to me tis afternoon.. had the urge to cry a lot of times but I jux force em back.. ever since tis afternoon, i duno wat i am feel already.. i jux know there's tis thing weighing on my heart & its making me hard to breathe... the pain is slowly coming back to find me.. heart really feel very very pain now, esp aft chatting wif him..

once again, i haf tot too highly of myself le.. i tot i haf tot it thru but hearing wat he say still has impact even though its already wat I expected…. Well, I should i say i am left wif no choice at all but to make myself accept the fact readily & make tat decision.. actually its lame when I say I make tat decision cause all along, either me or him are the not the one making any decision cause there is no choice or other way out for us at all… it’s a fact known, known very long time ago but I jux ignored it cause I really cant bear to face it… now, comes the time when I cant ‘ tao bi’ anymore... tis genting trip is actually one tat i come here to re-live everything one last time cause aft tis, everything will be kept inside a corner of my heart which will be locked up.. duno when will i go n open it up again le.... mths, yrs or mayb never….. but I know, I will try my best to kp it safely.. no one can take it away from me….

i will not be so heartless as to throw everything away.. cause i dun wan to forget all tis also...... so i am trying to feel & gone thru everything we had gone thru tis 6-7 wks.... but, its really very torturing..... why i jux love to torture myself?? argh..... i know i will feel the sadness, loneliness & emptiness when i visit those placse but i jux cant help & go there....

seriously, the longer i stay here in genting, the more unreal tat trip seems to be... it really seems like a dream, din really happened b4... well, it might not be a bad thing also.. mayb i might jux convince myself tat wat happened is actually a dream one day, like tat it might not be so hurting at all...

was reading thru my blog entry yest.. actually i really cant rem wat i haf wrote until i saw it tis afternoon... i duno wat i am writing at that pt of time also... even now, i also duno wat i am writing.. jux shoot n type nonsense.. haha.. thk my blog is really full of rubbish....

aft tis trip ends, i will not go n thk abt it anymore.... the wall will start to build the moment i leave here & i will try my best not to let anything break it down anymore tis time round... not getting into any r/s relating stuff or wat any time sooner.. I dun wish to feel the pain.. its really too much for me to bear… I really cant take it anymore…