woke up early tis morn cause my mum asked me to fetch her to SGH last min... quite hectic cause muz rush to town den come back again.. went to alvin's place to get the textbook from him b4 sending my mum back home.. den went to meet him to pass him sth..

seeing him for the 1st time aft i came back from my genting trip.. well, i was quite skeptical abt tis meeting.. duno isit a correct move to meet him so soon or not.. am scare tat the finally settled emotions will be swayed once i met him...

he came to meet me specially at wlds b4 we went to town together.. din really tok much on the train.. dun dare to tok abt & mention alot of things also.. had sushi buffet for lunch & eat until damn full... went for ktv aft tat.. tat's like our usual rountine everytime.. haha.. s'pore really gt nth much to do la..

tis time round, i din pick those songs tat i'll usually sing wif him.. i dun wish to bring everything back once again.. i dun wan to end up like e other time when my emotions got the beta of me & make me lose it completely.. its been so hard for me to suppress everything down, i dun wan to ruin it.... but when he sang the blog song, i felt sth.... i know tis song meant sth to us, esp how he felt now... i can feel the tears inside my eyes.. as usual, force it back again... i dun wan to cry in front of him & make him feel guilty or sorry towards me... i haf been trying my best to act as if eveything is fine le.. i dun wan my effort to go down the drain...

i already say to myself tat, when i leave genting, i will not go n thk abt anything anymore but its hard... he kept asking me i got anything to tell him or not... i thk i gt alot but i duno how to say everything out... duno where to start also... my mind was in a blank... i dun wish to thk abt anything cause from the past experience, once i thk abt it, i will once again feel 'she bu de'... which is wat i dun wan to feel cause tis time round, i muz really let go le... so i dun wan anything to deter me from doing tat...

i can sense tat he is not happy at all today.. not his usual cheerful self... thk my presence really make him very miserable... tis is not sth i wan.. i haf hold him back for very long le, should not do it any further... i felt quite guilty towards him cause i know i am the one causing him all e pain.. try to cheer him up although i know it will not help much also.. like wat he say, time is e best healer... wat he needs now is time to get over everything ba.. but its so contradicting.. i know the only way for him to get back his life n feel happy again is when he forget abt me or haf no feelings towards me anymore... but i dun wish tat to happen... life is jux full of irony & contradiction......

he sent me back home... din feel as bad as the other time.. tis time round, i understand tat time will not stop for us... it will jux continue to move no matter how hard u wish tat everything can stop jux for u.. there will still come the time when i will reach home & let go of his hand eventually... so why not jux behave very 'siao sa' in front of him rather den showing him i am sad & make him feel sad also...

he kept saying that i am a strong person today.. mayb its due to how i behave & said to him ba... i sounds like i am fine already, everything settled, not looking back anymore.. i even comfort him & ask him dun thk so much abt it anymore.. well, its jux a pretence... ya, everything is settled but i am not fine completely... i am doing all tis because i wan him to thk tat i haf moved on so he should also... its time for him to do tat le.... as far as i hate it, i thk its e best for him tis way ba....

2 mths... tat's how long tis thing lasted.. i am jux a passer-by in his life, adding some colors to his life.. duno wat color haf i added.. hope its sth tat he likes & will keep it forever... :)