sec sch gathering...

just came back from my sec sch gathering... we were supposed to meet for dinner but i reached only aft the dinner ended.. den they decide to go to ktv.. its my 1st time going to the ktv with em aft we know each other for so long...

it was quite fun singing with them ah.. they never fail to make my laugh my head off with wat they did.. haha... was playing the dice game & i never expect that its their 1st time playing it.. it gt them hooked rite away... instead of singing there, they will simply engrossed with the game & forfeit... dun even care whether their songs are being played or not.. haha....

never knew meiyun can sing that well... she really impressed me... aft the session, we gt tot of going to play MJ but den ah chye gotta work tml.. so..... we decide to go for supper at chong pang instead..... there goes my dieting session... haha..... but den its like once in a long time that we will gather like that so i just postpone the dieting to tml ba... hehe....

get to know em better this time round during the session.. we are a step more closer & i felt quite happy about... as i grow older, i realise that the simplest thing actually brings u the most happiness.. frenship, & kinship that seems so 理所当然 aer actually the most beautiful thing in life to treasure & maintain but because it seems so readily available, everyone does not realise its importance....

i have been feeling damn down for the past 2 days.. esp during that day when i went out to do courier... as u see, usually i am quite gd with my direction & get used to knowing wat to expect in the next junction etc... its like i haf control & know wat to expect with certainty but that day, i am like venturing into those places i never came across b4.... when i alighted at the bus stop & looked ard me, i dun even know where exactly i am & where is the destination at..... i felt damn lost... i felt damn helpless.. wat's worse is, its raining......

finally i get to the place after getting drenched.... i asked cheng out for lunch & went to his place cause i cant go for the next courier as i dun haf anymore forms with me.. only at his place i realised that the customer earlier on i met din sign on the form... which means i have to go back there once again... argh.... i duno why am i so blur as to forget such an impt thing.... so i went back there again & waited for her for like nearly 2 hours but she din come back lo.... in e end, i went for another impromptu courier at clementi there b4 coming back again to the same place.... because of the stupid mistake, i miss out quite a few courier which was fixed earlier on......

felt damn useless & demoralised.. cant even do such a simple thing... all the negative tots just start to devour me slowly... nth seems to be able to cheer me & i really duno why am i doing in this world.... i have been living in this world for 22 years for nth lo.... am just a flower in the greenhouse, too well sheltered from all the storm & bad weather of the outside world....

i msg teck in e end, asking him wan to come out or not.... he was working but suggested to meet me at night after knowing that i am not feeling too gd... its e 1st time i am sort of like 'asking him for help'.... as u all know i am not tat kind of ppl who will usually let ppl see my weak side in person other than the blog... so this is such a 'breakthrough' for me.. haha....

we went for jog at night... need some endorphine to cheer me up... exercising is really a gd & healthy way... esp towards someone who is growing horizontally... thk i shall make it a habit to exercise at least 3 times a wk.... mus really thx him & cheng for being there for me & helping me thru all this.. must all thx cheng's mum for being so nice & frenly towards me when i am at his place.....

teck said tat when someone offered u his help when u are down, no need to feel pai seh to accept it... just accept the help readily & keep wat he had done for u in ur heart...... its not too late to repay him when u have the ability in e future... that is quite true.... i will rem all those ppl who have helped me deeply in my heart..... when there comes a chance, i will repay them their kindness towards me.... :)

stressed~~

i am feeling damn stressed out now cause tml i gonna go ard the whole singapore for courier... whole day will be filled with doing courier n stuffs.. gt 2 routes to go.. one is to the east, e other is ard the central, west & north.. haiz.. just finished checking the directory, looking at wat buses can i take to get to the destination.. OMG... really feel like crying.. but this is e last lapse le.. die die must also hang on until the whole thing ends.. cannnot let this thing daunt me... but i can expect that tonight i wont be able to slp well le.. that's me... when i get stressed or know that sth impt gonna happened tml, i will not be able to slp well.. is that being paranoid?? hehe...

lack of motivations..

yes.. this has been the case for almost a yr... i realise my motivation lifespan is quite short.. i need constant motivation to keep me going on.. i am like a 100m runner... i am not a marathon person.. will hang on for such a long time.. i wonder if alot of ppl is like me..

went to JB on thur nite & skipped my FI lect.. my mum has been wanting to go there to eat at nite for very long le... this time round, my dad finally take e initiative & say wan to go in there.... so, i forsake my lecture ( cause if i din go, they will not also!!) & went in with em... we went to a small estate near our house in JB.. wa.. its like a small food street... there's alot of food there, char kuay tiao, oyster egg, claypot rice, thai food, satay, chicken wings etc.... we ate alot of things & spent only like 50 RM.... its damn damn cheap.... if we were to eat like that in chomp chomp thk we will have to spend more den S$70....

after tat, we went to our house at nite for the 1st time.. even though we haven installed all the lights, but it looks damn bright from the outside cause of the light from the guard house... den we take a walk in our own estate.. i love the cool air blowing & the quietness of e place.. felt quite safe in there.... its really damn cool....

we only managed to reach home ard 12 cause of the mini jam at the singapore custom.. its really not a bad experience to go in n eat there at nite... shall go in there more often lo..

hehe..

wat am i getting myself into...

this should be the qns that i should be asking myself mths ago... when i made that decision, this qns did flashed across my mind but i just let it slip pass without giving it a serious tot... things might be alot diff if i do let that qns stayed in my mind longer....

a fren said i am the most innocent party cause i am pulled into the turbulence n duno wat i am getting myself into... i agree that i am rash to make that decision but i do know the consequences behind it.. just that like wat i said, i thk too highly of myself, thking i can pull off from the whole thing easily.... ha... so all in all, i am not an innocent party, in fact i am the most devilish one.. w/o me the whole issue wont even surface at all....

impressed~~

after alot of unsuccessful attempts in clinching the 'deals' today which made me damn demoralised.. i decide to go for a break n watch some videos on youtube.. was recommended by a frenz regarding this variety show called 超級星光大道.. its been showing for quite some time le & i only started watching it now.. damn behind time lo...

was really impressed by 林宥嘉 when he sing the song 你把我灌醉..... he is so young but can sing damn well... not to mention, he is damn cute.. boy boy look....

gonna go to bed soon after updating the blog entry.. look damn ghastly because of the recent late nite & sickness.. argh~~ thk i must learn to slp early from now on...

was celebrating yaoquan's birthday @ tony romas just now.. realised tat all my dinner experience at tony romas was all to celeb my frenz birthday.. 1st time was ah li's birthday, 2nd was shu's one den now, was yaoquan's one.. 1st of all i must say that they served the nicest ribs ever... even though i was damn full because of the main course, ( luckily we just ordered 3 sets n shared among ourselves... ) but i still go ahead & ordered my fav skillet cookies.... haha.. that desserts that they served totally blow me off... i thk billy, lishan & yaoquan have the same feelings as me cause we finished the whole thing within 5 mins... not to mention all of us were damn "bloated" from the main courses.. haha..

b4 this, we were at Qc's place playing MJ.. actually this was all a very last min thingy.. i was planning to come home straight after sch to do calling one but den we decide to go n celeb yq birthday cause he cannot make it on the actual day itself.. so to kill our time b4 time dinner start, we decide to go for a game of MJ.. went to fetch justin at his place b4 going down to cheng's house...

after dinner, we went to the bukit timah liquid cafe thking of chilling out n playing some games there but sth crops up & we had to leave early.. yq send me back home b4 going back... i really miss those time when we come out for dinner & chilling in e past...

due to all the activities & working for sth that the payout will come much later, my bank's 'number' is depleting very fast.... thk after this mth, there wont be much left anymore.. duno how to survive thru the next 5 mths b4 exams gonna end.. even after my exams end, i dun thk i will be able to get a job that fast.... argh~~ feeling so vexed now.. cant seem to conc with all the problems at hand... i really wonder when will my payroll from the previous company be coming in.... i really need that for my survival & when i talk about survival, i am not kidding lo....

i have really lost myself....

just came back from movie with billy & justin @ PS... was watching the show 'golden compass' & it just ended so abruptly... felt damn lost aft the show... must thx billy for sending me back home specially aft the show even though he need to rush down to meet his fren @ holland village.. really appreciate it & felt damn thankful towards him.. i will always rem all the things that my frenz has done for me during this rough patch of my life.. i really duno wat i will become if they were not ard me.....

just like wat i said earlier in my entries.. this yr is really the toughest time in my life.. i have never gone thru so much thing ever b4 & went thru so much things that i could not handle at all.. i really changed alot & lost my own self completely le.... why do i say that??

actually, long time back i already know tat i have lost myself due to the circumstances but i just duno to wat extent it has gone & i always tot that i can find it back.... just now, billy said sth to me... he said that i have changed.. i am not the decisive, self confidence & the weiting that knows wat she wants anymore... when i listened to wat he said, i realise that's really true.... i really duno wat i wan at tis pt of time.. there's just too much things for me to thk about & worry about that i duno wat should i be thinking & doing 1st....

i really to find my old self back but i find it to be damn difficult for me to do so..... i am really very tired... i really dun have any strength left for me to struggle n get out of this thing so wat i can do is just accept things which comes in my way.. i really dun haf the strength to fight back anymore even though i really hate wat i am going thru now...

whenever i am with my fren, i just cant conc n enjoy my time with em.. my mind will be filled with other troubles of mine & its really slowly devouring me up... i am losing myself & i cant do anything to stop it.. i felt so helpless.... billy ask me to return the old weiting back to him.... the one who knows wat she wants, the one who is fun-loving, the one who dun gif a damn about others opinion but hang on to wat she believe in.... i promise him that i will find her back in e shortest time possible but seriously, i dun haf the confidence to do so.... i dun believe in myself anymore....

in e past, i used to thk that i can settle most of the things myself, my frenz will thk that i am a very dependent person & is quite capable.... but now, i thk that i am a loser... total loser.... not only towards myself but also towards my frenz... if i am capable den i wont be troubled by the problems ard me now cause i would haf the ability to resolve everything but looking at how helpless i am now, it proves everything....

can i get back to the past & live the life i used to aft so much has happened?? i really dun haf the confidence to do it... to some extent, i dun even dare to go n thk about it.... my life has been in a mist of sadness & unhappiness ever since my exams were over... everything seems to go haywired ever since den.... is that the karma for me for falling for someone whom i shouldnt have?? well, thk all that has happened is sth which i have brought upon myself.... i always believe in this thing called retribution.. so now, i am just reaping wat i sow...

sth is just wrong..

how will u feel if u know that u are no longer the reason of happiness nor sadness for someone?? will u be feeling disappointed, upset, lost or watever feeling that u can name it?? well, if u do feel sth because of that, it simply just means that you still care for that person, if he is just a nobody to u anymore, i bet you will not be giving a damn about it also...

i am feeling sth which i shouldnt be feeling at all now.. even if its just a twiny-winny bit of stir-up, its just simply too wrong...

i going to genting at the end of this mth once again with my family.. some of my frenz will be there at that period also.. so might be meeting em there... 4th time & also the last time that i will be going up there b4 this yr come to an end... how will it be like this time round since the lapse of being there is like the longest among all the other times when i went there.. will it give me a completely diff feelings?? well, i am quite looking forward to it to see wat this trip will bring me this time round....

one year~~

its been a yr since i 1st club with him.... i din notice it until i flip thru my organiser last yr while packing my notes... its really such a coincidence lo... who will believe its so 'qiao' lo??

i can still rem that is the 1st time i went into velvet also.. 1st time i get to know his frenz & was so close to him..... its also the time when my feelings for him starts to escalate...

was driving to sch just now, listening to the songs of the cd which i haf burnt yrs back.. still rem how i used to listen to the same old songs when i drove to sch last time.. how i used to da bao things back at the market near my sch for my family.. i cant believe that tis yr is like ending in another 20 plus day & i am going to graduate next yr & stepping out of the society le... really wonder how it will be like.....

i have been constantly changing for the past mths.. the rates of change is so frequent & high that until now, i also duno which is exactly myself & which is exactly wat i wan... was reading the newspaper & chance upon this quote, ' the thing in this world that will not change is..... Changes itself...' wa.. damn philosophical rite.... cannot imagine a bimbo understanding the meaning of such a CHIM statement....

time really will not stop for anyone.. no matter how rich u are, how powerful u are in this world.. there's no make-up for the time that is lost & that's y there is this thing call regret & memories....

din go n see a doc today cause of the rain but also because must walk all e way there.. quite lazy about it.. den its like i din cough as much in e day le so i tot its fine but the coughing comes back at nite.... damn sickening.. was checking out about the room availability at genting just now cause my mum suddenly want to go by mth end but everywhere was fully booked le.. told her dun do thing so last min le but she din listen to me.. a few wks back there are still quite a few rooms left lo....

我想要说

coughing my lungs out..

just when will all this coughing stop!!! i thk if it persists, i will just cough out blood anytime lo.... gonna go n see someone whom i hate to see the most ---> the doctor...

went for self courier on tue & walked ard the CBD area once again from the start to the end... met weiming for lunch near his workplace & saw desmond while i was on the way.. den i walked back all e way to the office, trying my best to do calling but the mission failed... i was out of breath from the coughing & cant even finish a complete sentence.. thk the customer was having a hard time trying to understand & listen to wat i am saying..

so i went to meet wayne @ PS earlier.. we were going to catch a movie there.. was deciding b/w 'enchanted' & 'hitman' & we choose the latter.. its quite funny cause he was the one who suggested watching 'enchanted' while i am the one who suggested watching 'hitman'.. haha.. totally opposite.. the show was really not bad & the male lead is damn shuai & cool... love his body!! haha...

aft the show, we walked ard b4 going to haf dinner at the sakae teppanyaki.. 2nd time eating there within a wk.. this time round, i took the chicken set.. its quite nice... den we started discussing about the color of raw turkey.. turned out to be damn funny & stupid.. esp me!!

den today, another hectic day for me.. went to lect early in e morning after a gd nite slp.. but was still feeling damn tired.. after lect we went to holland v to have subway for lunch.. wanted to go study but in e end, we end up at qc's place playing MJ.. haha.. played until 3 den went back again to sch cause gt MSM at 330...

met philip, alvin & wilson in class & get smoked together by the lecturer.. taught us sth for half a lect which is not required for us to know cause it wont be out in e exam!! wa... felt damn frustrated with him.. aft lect, i was supposed to go back home n see a doc but...... i end up going to kbox at clementi with philip, alvin & meiyan.... sing until 10 plus b4 coming home cause alvin need to go n fetch her mum @ the airport....

haven been enjoying myself for damn long le.. going out with frenz, going to sing ktv, having time of my own to maximise my own utility level & not doing those things that i am 'forced' to do because of the circumstances.. i am not only talking about work, it also includes other stuffs also... i can finally be back to myself now... erm.. that might be too strong a statement cause this period of being myself might not persists also.. i might be 'forced' once again some time soon.. who knows wat will lie in front of him/her??

i am still dying for a vacation.... but tis mth is not a gd time for one.. too much constraint le.. shall see next mth or wat ba.. at least must go out n unwind... muz empty some things out 1st b4 i can input anymore inside... its seems to be at going to overflow stage now...

getting my student life back..

yes, i am finally getting my student life back bit by bit.. i just came back like an hour ago from a ktv session with geraldine, fabian & mosses ( hope i din get the name wrongly) who is a fren of geraldine...

was damn sick yest from the cleaning of my house & slp at 10.. wow, duno for how long i haven slp so early le... woke up this morning still feeling unwell so i din go for the courier in e morning.. was studying for my paper & met philip to go to sch together aft that...

went to meet geraldine's mum at her office aft sch.. its e 1st time i saw her mum after knowing her for so long.. felt abit funny.. aft that i went to AMK to meet her & wait for her frenz mosses.. we had my fav subway for dinner & chatted there while waiting for her another frenz & kevin they all..

geraldine left us after meeting her frenz cause he dun wan to join us for the ktv session.. so me & mosses went to sing 1st while waiting for e others to arrive.. he is quite frenly & can sing quite well also.. surprised me with his 'forever love' by lee hom.. as for me, today i am damn off form cause of the coughing & throat.. cant hit all the high notes.. mayb its because i haven been singing for damn long also..

in e end, only fabian came to join us.. kevin & tzong zhan went to study at the Mac nearby instead.. 1st time singing with fabian but b4 that i already know he can sing quite well le.. he can sing all types of genre songs & he knows alot of songs lo.. he knows how to sing those songs somemore... while listen to him singing '曾经爱你 永远爱你', quite alot of memories flashed back.. he is e 1st guy whom i know how to sing that song & sang it apart from him.. den he also sing the 爱转角... den we begin to discuss about the show & stuffs.. i asked him when he watched the show & its half a yr back.. den i counted, eh i also watch it ard that period... after saying it out, i realise wa.. time really flies, its been half a yr since i watched the show.. half a yr sounded damn long la..

den we started singing all those old sch songs.. super funny & fun.. haha.. its a brand new experience.. can just dun care how u sound, just there to haf fun... moreover today i cant sing well also.. haha.. we were there until 2 & took a cab back...

somethings started stirring inside of me once again.. 7 mths has passed & everything seems to be back to normal.. but wat exactly is consider normal? wat's the actual definition of being normal??? well, that's up to one to decide ba...

sick~~

alot of things in this world requires sth called 'courage'.. this is esp so when it comes to r/s.. its hard for 2 strangers in life to cross each others path.. since fate has given you the opportunity to meet den it only lies on yourself whether you wan to make the 1st move.. all this will now boils down to the word courage.. but as u grow older, you will become more timid.... scare of rejection, scare of the social opinion & alot more....

for me, i am just too tired to do anything now.. i just wanna stay in this comfort zone for now.. for a verylong time, i haven felt like a student.. when i woke up at 12 plus today, i finally have this long-lost feeling back.. no need to go n work & meet customer, just need to worry n study for my test this coming Mon... slping late because of a late night outing with frenz seems to be one of the coolest thing in life for me now.. but because of the late nite out, my conditions seems to deteriorate...

the coughing seems to get worse & i thk i am having a cold & feeling feverish.. after dinner, i wan to continue to study but i just cant conc.. kps tearing & felt damn cold.. in e end, i decide to take a nap.. the conditions get better but i am scare of the after-effect.. will i be able to slp tonight?? tml gonna go to my house in JB to do some cleaning up.. hope the cleaning exercise will make me feel better & improve my condition.. i really cannot afford to fall sick at this critical pt.. e project is ending this mth end, i need to fight against time to work as much as possible..... so falling sick now is a NO NO.....

unexpected...

wat happened yest was like totally an unexpected thingy to me.. never expect to stay there until so late & never expect to meet em once again aft the whole incident.. i tot it would just be a very normal day for me, just go down there to support my frenz who were doing the show for the Levis Jeans with geraldine.. hanging ard for a while & that's it but life's just full of twist & turn, that's why its so amazing....

i went for my courier in the morning nearby & get breakfast for my family... den i meet philip to go down to the office to do my calling.. nearly caused him to be late.. felt quite bad about it.. was in the office until 5 plus & went down to berlington square to do a survey thingy just to earn some extra cash but i spent it all on a Teppanyaki dinner at Cine with Kevin's gang & geraldine after that.... ha..

kevin's gang : fabian, tzong zhao & kevin

geraldine & me...

the teppanyaki chef doing his tricks.. hehe..

the chawanmushi in the onion 'container'..

the guys din join us for the zouk thingy & we left 1st cause need to be there by 9pm.. regretted for going so early cause the show only starts at 1030pm.. standing on that super high heels of mine was damn torturing esp aft a day of walking yest.. argh~~

while waiting for the guys to get dressed, i went to find weiming who is at velvet with geraldine.. never expect to see kenny there cause weiming told me that he will be going with his fac ppl whom i tot is only those from real estate.. been more den half a yr since i last saw em, can see some changes in em... i tot my shocking moments has ended but i was wrong.. i saw another 2 person whom i really really never expect to see moments later.. one of em is someone whom i really detest, e other is someone who until now i duno wat should i use to describe b/w us... the awkwardness is stil there & i duno wat i should say at all.. i never initiate a conversation, only replying his qns at times when he happened to ask me..

seriously, i really felt very bad towards the both of em cause i am like the culprit who cause em to sort of like fall out with one another.. although i never meant to be one but i am in fact the one who did that.. i still cannot overcome my guiltiness towards em & mainly because of that, i felt accountable & that explains e awkwardness there.. because of my selfish decision, all this happened... even though they told me there are nth that is definitely right or wrong in a r/s stuff but i felt like a bitch totally...

when we went for supper, he was sitting right beside me but i am talking only to geraldine & weiming... felt damn awkward & weird there.. even to the extent that i started playing the games on geraldine's pda phone as if the whole session was damn boring but its not la, i just wannt keep myself busy so no one will come & 'disturb' me.. i still cannot find the pt where i am comfortable at all... i felt accountable to HIM b4 i can treat e other normally.. i know i need not do this but i just wan to......

lock, kenny, geraldine & me left in weiming's car.. only managed to reach home ard 530 & cant slp until 7 in e morning.. was reminded that the very last time when we go to zouk with the same gang, we were going to genting after tat... & its been more than half a yr since this has happened... time really flies.... memories & emotions were unleashed once again for that short moment....

endless & endless of walking...

OMG.. i was wondering have i ever walked so much in my life within 2 hours b4.... its really crazy.. i thk i should haf checked out the bus service rather den rely on my superb direction sense (which i am quite proud of b4 wat happened today.. ) to get me to the destination... guys, dun be fooled by the scale in the directory.. the wat seems to be 10 cm on the map was like a super duper long 20 min walk & dun underestimate those small branching road in the map also... it can be ur saviour sometimes..

but i must admit that i have taken the way turn if not, i would haf gotten to the place mayb like 5 mins earlier.. haha.. ( not much diff also.. ) after walking thru the endless industrial estate, i finally stop an uncle to ask him for some confirmation of the exact location even though the place is just b4 my eyes... ( but its like another 400m walk away from me... ) i just dun wan to make a wrong estimation & get me walking round n round the place.. i was cursing & swearing when the uncle left... er.... walking under the super hot sun with heels will make every gal lose their cool... esp when i am not those typical gal so it gives me every RIGHTS to do so!!

getting to the destination is not the end of the whole thing.. i must walk up the slope in order to get to the reception.. *faintz* luckily the person is quite nice to me & even directed me to a bus stop outside the building telling me wat bus i can take to the station.. i finally realise the importance of buses... its e best creation in the world...

den i have to meet another 2 custs ard shenton way area.. i am getting more & more familiarise with that place because of the appointments with my customer... another round of walking start... argh... den i still have to walk to chinatown to meet my mum who was there with my sister waiting for me @ Yum Cha... my legs were super duper pain due to the blister which 'developed' while i was walking & its underneath my sole somemore.. damn amazing rite...

as you guys know, i am already having the symptom of sickness & wat happened today made things worse.. in e end, i din go for my lecture @ nite & came back home together with my mum.. thk i am like left with no choice, if within the next 2 or 3 days, i will go to see a doc if i din get any better...

i dun wanna fall sick~~

thk i am falling sick soon.. can feel the 'sickness' already.. was coughing quite badly when i was in e office today.. luckily its not the SARS period if not i thk the whole office will be empty when i finished coughing.... i hate this coughing feeling.. its like i am gonna cough my lungs out lo.. is there any remedy to it other den seeing a doc?

this yr is really my suay yr.. so much bad things had happened & its e 1st time i feel so ugly.. face became rounded, complexion become the most cui ever & figure also... i can rem a song lyrics saying.... 'all good things will come to an end' so does it means that BAD THINGS WILL NEVER END??? if tat's e case den i thk i am better off dead.... PLS KILL ME!!!

just wanna pia this mth & dun work so hard anymore le.. i am really sick of the life already.. not conc on my studies & have to worry about daily expenses n stuffs... i lost my life to reality for far too long, its time to go back to the la-la land & enjoy the last half yr of my schooling life.. i dun wan to care about monetary issue from this new yr onwards.. that will be my new yr resoultion, together with me becoming more pretty... ( well, any slight improvement from the state now can be considered pretty lo... )

went to JB once again with my family cause mummy wanna go there to view the house.. there was a slight jam at the checkpoint there.. we went to eat the "zhu zha" once again because of mum's craving towards it..

the weather today is damn torturing.. nowadays i dun like the sun like how i used to love it.. went to our house & just sit there doing nth... that's my mum, our car & our NEW house..

after that we went to have the chendol nearby... as compared to wat we eat in singapore, its simply heavenly.. it doesnt contains alot of ingredients but the taste is 10 times better den wat we have here.. we went to Jusco after that & finally gt my makeup remover who went out of stocks like for mths..... den we came across this "snow white & the 7 dwarfs" x'mas display.. christmas is jux like 1 mth away & this yr is coming to an end... that is how fast time passes by...
mummy & the dwarfs...

thk every gal will watch the disney cartoon show & imagine that they are one of the princesses in the story... i am no exception also.. ( even though i am quite boyish & dun look feminine at all... ) ha.. but i thk the princess that i wan to be suits my character also.. its little mermaid... very stubborn when she comes to r/s & will go ahead with things that she has decided even though she know that she is going to become a mute & might even vanished into bubbles... haha.. sounds familiar rite.. den she is also not as feminine as the other princesses.. haha.. so gals, wat type of princess are u??

rotting days...

i have been rotting at home for the past 2 days.. felt so unproductive & sianz.. am just too lazy to move my whole body off the sofa to go anywhere.. yest was supposed to go for facial b4 going to meet qc, junhao (qc's frenz) & billy for MJ but i give it a miss even though i had made an appointment.. today i cancelled e appointment again just to rot at home...

was at billy's place yest nite for MJ.. only played 1 round & it took us more den 3 hrs.. its all because of qc la, kp winning & the dice was with him most of the time lo.. aft the MJ session, we decide to go for supper.. went to fetch lishan & go to the prata shop along bukit timah.. seriously i haven been there for more den a yr & was damn disappointed this time round with their food.. it has deteriorate ALOT... i had this murtabuk with qc & we din expect it to be that big lo.. its almost an A4 size paper... i am not kidding lo.. gonna upload the photos soon.. luckily i din order other food else i dun thk we will be able to finish that thing..

qc had almost half of the murtabak while i only eat like 1/4, e others were shared among lishan, billy & junhao.. haha.. thk qc must be having nightmare at night, dreaming of murtabak chasing him.. hehe..

wanna go to swim today one but the weather is super scary.. thk swimming in this kinda weather will sure kena sunburnt.. i admit i love to tan but den this is simply too scary & someone had already told me that i am too tan for a gal even though i haven been tanning for like mths so.... i should control myself from now on.. wanna go to jog but was simply too lazy also.. looking at my continuing growing tummy i know this cant persist for long.. i should really start giving myself some motivation to move & exercise now... mayb shopping for new clothes is not a bad idea.. haha..

another one more mth & this yr is gonna end le.. so there will & must be a brand new me.. erm.. this sounds like a gd motivation for me.. hehe.. so i shall work towards my goal... gambatte....

day with decisions~~

quite a no. of things happened this 2 days.. let start with yest 1st...

went for MA in e morning feeling super stone.. wat stun me the most is e moment i stepped he into the LT, we were told to take the test immediately.. it was said to be after the break one but thk he suddenly change his mind.. thk my 1 full day of studying din seems to help at all cause i duno how to do the process costing qn at all..

after lect, i rushed down to meet my mum & aunt who were on their way to miramar hotel for the dim sum buffet.. managed to reach there within 45 min.. they served really nice food there but that was all in e past.. now i thk i prefer to go to the yum cha high tea.. they serve more variety of food & dessert there but wat's not so gd is, they only start at 3...

that's only part of the food we had..

my cousin, my sis, my mum & fatty me...

that's me my aunt..

after filling up my stomach, i need to rush back for MSM at 330.. thk my insulin level just shot up because of the amout of food i took.. i slp all the way thruout the bus journey & i mean really SLP.. i am unaware that QC was on e same bus as me until i alight at the sch bus stop.. haha.. thk he dun wan to disturb my beauty slp when he board the bus.. aft the quality afternoon nap, i was damn awake lo... its the 1st time during MSM lesson that i am tat alert & can understand every single thing the lecturer taught...

love the wed afternoon lesson cause its like a gathering session.. wilson, brandon, alvin, philip, qc, chee leong, desmond were all in e same class.. haha.. its like a once a wk catching up thingy la.. so fun.. we were having a lot of plans during the break, discussing where to go after lect at 630.. in e end, we decided to play MJ at brandon place among the ktv, pool, dinner session.. Qc called another frenz from NTU to join us.. he really super onz lo.. he was actually going to study for his paper on fri but postpone it to a later time because of the MJ session....

i realised that brandon was staying at the same block as my cousin & was directly 9-10 floor below her.. we played one round until 11.. really super long never touched MJ le.. thk i gonna get addicted once again.. haha.. took 187 back home & reached slightly after 12.. aft bathing, i suddenly felt very cold & realised i am abit feverish.. i was having flu the whole day, thk the hectic schedule has made thing worse.. went to bed at 1 & covered myself up like a caterpillar.....

this morning, i woke up ard 9 plus & slack until 11 b4 going to work.. was supposed to meet huili for lunch but in e end, we din.. i met tzong zhao @ the station n acc him to get some snack b4 going to the office..

sth happened today & i thk it was quite serious.. 1st time i saw the managers getting so tensed up.. i only work for 3 hours & left le.. thk the atmosphere there was abit weird & i am in no mood to continue calling also even though they say it was ok... i went for dinner at clementi & ate alot of things lo... i just cant resist the satay there.. its damn delicious...

after dinner, we still go n get bubble tea.. wa.. super high calories diet today.. haha.. we reached sch very early & went to the lib with no intention to study.. we end up chatting there & met yaoquan who was there slping.. haha.. dun be mistaken, our lib is a very conducive place to study but that's only the case for me when exam is round the corner.. went to meet billy aft there w/o even flipping my SBG...

aft lect, i hitch a ride from billy who was going to panjang to meet his gf.. den i chatted with wilson on the phone when i was on e bus back.. watched some tv prog b4 going to meet edward, philip, alvin, meiyan for drks at al-ameen.. only managed to come home like an hour back.... reaslied how packed my day are tis days lo.. its never like the past few wks when i was practically rotting at home the whole day....

still thking whether i should go back to work tml or not.. thk the atmosphere will still be weird there one lo.. how??

i wanna go on a vacation~~~

been feeling suffocated this days.. i need a breather.. a time out from all those things that's happening to me.. a vacation is really wat i need now.. i need to go out n recharge n refresh myself but i cant do it due to alot of constraint.. time constraint, money constraint, studies constraint etc....

felt like going back to genting once again & let the cold freezing breeze bring my heart & soul back.. the life i am leading now is draining my heart & soul & its seems to be somewhere else.... i felt so old... i need the cool wind to refresh & recharge me.. slowly bring me back to life like how it used to when i was there the other time.. i really miss that feeling.. the feeling of sitting alone outside the open at nite, looking at the sky, enjoying the cool wind & leaving my mind blank..... i really wanna go there damn damn soon......

MA test tml...

skipped my MSM lecture today cause of the MA test tml.. din go to do my calling because of the MA test too... but guess wat... i just realised i cannot conc wif my fav comp on... having the tendency to go n play games etc... OMG... time is running low cause of tuition tonite....

can someone just get my hands off this stupid comp!!! i need to conc.....

pathetic..

i haf never ever felt so pathetic b4.. tml i have to pay the instalment for my sch fees but...... i really haf no means to pay everything myself & need to ask my dad to help me abit even though i know its hard to come up with the money now.. i really dun wan n dun wish to ask him for that money but i really have no choice.. he already gt alot of problems that need him to settle & clear & now i am adding on to all those existing ones that he is having.. felt damn useless.... cant even help em to lighten the burden...

we went to meet lawrence & tony later in the nite, asking them hows everything getting along & trying to get part of the basic so that i can settle my bill tml.. even aft getting the amount from my dad, i am still short of some amount.... argh~~ everyday all my life is revolving ard money issue... i really hate my life now... hate how complex life can become when its revolving ard monet issue... i finally realise the reason why things cannot be simpler in life cause its all because when we grow up, we will need to worry about money & its the cause of all the bad things in this world....

its a fun but tiring day...

went to EXPO early in e morning cause am working wif teck & kevin at this event thingy.. b4 we went there, we met at CWP to have breakfast... dun thk we will be able to eat anything during the working time so better eat 1st...

the event was actually a family outing thingy for OCBC staff... its at hall 1 which means we need to walk all the way from the train station to the end.. the walk is super duper long.. its my 1st time working at a event.. they already told us that we will be at the splash zone so i was quite prepared to get drenched today....

the whole thing seems like a indoor funfair.. everything seems so fun & its really fun.. we were assigned to go n help out at the registration cause our game will start later.. i tot registration will only take about 2 hours but i am wrong.. the whole thing took 4 hours!! damn sad cause we cant go to our splash zone n play.... but den, at the registration side, things are also quite fun n interesting... helping ppl tear the coupons, wear the tag & give out goodies bag.... i was simply influenced by the fun & happy mood of the whole event & crowd that it made me forget about my problems temporarily for that 6 hrs..... :)

ard 4 plus, we finally can go back to our zone.. by the time, kevin & teck were soaking wet already.. haha.. i tot there will be adults playing there but its actually meant for kids.... so u can imagine how chaotic it was over there.. the 4 of us who went back gt wet during the 1st round of our game... by the end, we were soaking wet like the guys already.... the kids were damn energetic.... i really admit defeat to em....

by the time the whole event ended, i was damn cold, tired & hungry lo.. we took a train down to holland village to have dinner cause shu they all were going to wala at nite.. we went to eat the 'zhu chao' at the coffeeshop in holland village.. everyone was damn hungry by den & we ordered alot of food..

after dinner, i went straight back cause i need to meet a fren to pass him sth... i was late because of that stupid 963 which made me wait for half an hr.. i met him at al-ameen & had some catching up with him...

where is my life???

i am leading a life at all.. i am having no control about wat is happening now.. wat i am doing now is not wat i wanna do.. i am sort of forced by circumstances to do n behave how i behave now.. actually wat i am doing now is making me tired physically, mentally & emotionally but i just cant help n need to do all this....

for the past 2 days, i left home early in e morning b4 10am & was out until 11 because of work.. i admit today i came home late its because of attending a odac frenz b'day thingy & meeting lijing they all at halo bar but i was working in e office like until 8pm lo... my life now is full of things & damn packed.. i gt no time for my entertainment & do things that i like cause i cant afford to waste anytime.. not only my body needs to work, my mind is also constantly working & thking about alot of things... from work, from sch, from studies, from r/s, from home, from all over the places except myself....

my mum is also giving me alot of worries now.. she is old enough to thk lo but she will always make the whole family worry about her... never thking of the consequences.. it really damn irresponsible lo... she had been always doing that, i really duno tis time round am i worrying unduly or its just a routine.. everything will be back to normal aft that..actually now, its not my fault lo but she is doing all this again making things seems like it all happened because of me & i should be fully held responsible for it.... i know wat she did is because she care for me & its out of kind intention... but i really need her to trust & believe in wat i said lo... do i really seem so 'distrustable'?? or she thks i am still those 3-yr old 'xiao mei mei', still ignorant & naive?? ha... thk in the eyes of all parents' we will always be a 3-yr old 'xiao mei mei' or 'xiao di di' no matter how old we are...

i am trying my best to thk at the better side.. she will be back home safe & sound in another few days.. nth will happened to her during tis period.. or should i say nth had happened to her.... trying to assure myself & lead a normal life, still working & stuffs... argh~~~ all the existing problems are making me suffocated, why must i haf this additional one coming in now!!!!

at this moment, i am thking during that time, am i really too much?? i know its e 1st time after i grown up that i behaved this way, i lost it totally & din care about her feelings n everything at all... thk its all because of all the things that's building up.. all the stress n problems contributes to the emotional outbreak & make me lose my cool..... i am seriously damn stressed up now... if this goes on, thk i am gonna get depression...... nowadays, everything seems so grey & negative... i am having all sorts of negative thoughts but at this pt i will still try my best to do things that cheer me up & help me keeps those thoughts out of my mind.. but i am really scare that one day, i wont be having any more energy to fight all this thoughts & might just succumb to it.... when will things turn for the better cause i really dun thk i am able to last any longer if all this keeps getting worse.....

breaking down~~

alot of things happened to me recently & i had been letting all those problems accumulating w/o solving it... that is all because i actually have no idea to go n deal with the problem & its sometimes out of my means now to solve it even though i knew the solutions.. felt damn helpless all the time but to others i am still acting on to be strong & pretend that i can & am capable to deal with all this things on my own...

nowadays, i am more interested in making money than other things.. i have even placed it as my 1st priority now.. in e past, my family & studies are the 1st & 2nd respectively now....... i haven been touching on my notes n studies for quite some time.. even if i do, its only MA.. for all those assignment that was required, i did none at all.. its e 1st time in my entire 3 yrs that i am doing this.. i cant say that i am a very hardworking student that will constantly do her revision but i am someone who will try my best to hand up the assignment in e past no matter wat...

this wk, things gt worse.... i cant even conc in lectures & listen to wat the lecturer is talking about because my mind will be all about part time job & how to solve my monetary issue.... i had become a slave for money w/o me realising.. wat's happening tis yr makes me realise the impt of money...... like wat i say in e past, it might be my karma... last time i am living too well le... everything is well provided for me & i dun really need to worry about all this kinda things that i am worried about now...

unlike the past, i am more open to others about my problem.. i dun thk i will even write about all those things that i had just written above in e past at all... not even wanting to tell my close frenz about it cause i thk it just only show em that i am a weakling & it just make em feel that u are making a fuss over sth... well, at this pt of time, i still thk tat way but i am not afraid to show that i am a weakling anymore cause i know everyone will have their weak moment & needed some help from others...

but no matter wat, i will still try my best not to break down & cry in front of others... over my entire life, i can use one hand to count how many times have i cried in front of my frenz... this figure include those face to face & over the phone one...

today sth happened b/w me & my mum.. i was damn pissed with wat she did & went off just like tat.... partly because i need to go somewhere to pay my dad's bill but mainly due to i need some time alone, away from her cause i know both of us staying together at that time will not do each other any gd... its e 1st time this thing happened...

i called anna out & meet me ard her area... wanna thx her for her company.. she came out & accompany me specially even though her exam is like 9 days away.... i really need someone's company at that pt of time & was really glad that she was the one ard.... thx darling for ur companion, for ur listening ear, for ur time, for ur everything.........

i came back home & my mum wanted to chat with me... seriously, i dun thk she get my pt & i dun thk i get hers at that time lo... or should i correct it to, she NEVER get my pt on that particular issue b4, even until now, she dun get it.. i really din see a pt in continuing that conversation at that time lo... its really quite redundant to continue that topic cause its just a waste of each other time...

i dun dare to say that i am a very fillial daughter but most of the time i will go along with wat my mum say but wat happened today really make me damn pissed with her & makes me 'officially' hang up her call w/o feeling any guiltiness at all for the very 1st time.... i thk i am really damn damn mad with her.. in e past, no matter wat happened i will try my best to put her health in e 1st place but today, i just dun give a damn about it totally..... its e 1st time in my life that i thk she is really being TOO MUCH....

so u guys know how bad i felt inside of me.... with wat happened today & the problems that had been accumulating like mths back, i broke down in my room... felt badly in need to chat to someone or at least have someone who is over the phone with me... aft a msg was sent to a fren asking whether can i call him, my phone ring.. the moment i picked up the call, i just started tearing for no apparent reason.. thk the person on e other side was stumped... haha... as for me, i duno who was on e other line also cause i din even let him have the chance to speak & i just shocked him..... only aft a few line of consolation conversation den i started asking who he is.... it turned out to be yang..... come to thk of wat happened just now, its quite funny..... but at that pt of time, my mind just couldnt thk & i just couldnt control my tears & stop crying.... its really damn bad.... i just wanna thx him for his call cause at that time, its really wat i needed the most....

really wanna thx anna & yang for being there for me when i needed em the most.. i am really appreciative towards wat they had done for me.. no words can describe how grateful i am towards em at this pt of time.... once again, thx guys.....

busy busy busy~~~

for the past 2 days or so my life is full of progs... time seems to be passing very fast w/o me realising at all... its already year end now & christmas is just round the corner... in another 1 mth plus time, it will be a brand new yr le!! that day while i was writing the date, i realise how fast time passes during this 2nd half of the year.. sometimes i really wonder isit because of wat i am going thru & how i wish time will passes by faster so that i can forget about him?? well, dun wish to go n thk about it now..though my life is really very packed n busy but i am really enjoying it... :)

let's start with wat happened on Fri :

met yang at woodlands 1st b4 going down together.. we met those guys at Cine & went to have our dinner.. its a super wrong move cause the movie we are watching is Saw 4.. i have forgotten about its gruesome intensity.. as usual, the show is full of BLOOD... the starting scene really left alot of impact on me even until now... yang went off halfway cause he really cannot take it.....

aft the show, we went to coffee club to have a drk.. talked about quite alot of things cause its been mths since we last met each other.. everyone is busy with their own stuffs & its really hard to get this kinda of gathering unless its someone's birthday...

ah shu & ah li...

the birthday boy ---> fatty neo

the childhood sweetheart...

the fatty & skinny gang of 02s2

the full strength

finally our food came & its feasting time.. hehe.. i shared the mudpie with shu & get a vanilla mocha for myself...

that's ms ah shu with her creamy mushroom..

that is e amount of food we had...

we were discussing about our christmas celebration thingy when billy & yaoquan came... i left with em after awhile for a '2nd round' of entertainment.. hehe.. in e end, we decide to go to St James.. never went there b4 so am quite interested to go n take a look... but b4 we went there, we went down to Zouk to take a look 1st & met Weiming there.. he was outside velvet with his frenz when he called me...

a frenz of ours sign us into St James & we went to powerhouse, dragonfly & boiler.. the music & crowd that day was quite bad except for dragonfly but its really too packed to stay in there.. Kevin was there at boiler with Tzong Zhao & another fren but i din stay with em at boiler.. we left at 1 plus & went for supper b4 going back home...

billy, me & yaoquan...

me & my best uni guy frenz.. we are the best buddies..

the 2 cousins...

Sat :

i went to the interview early in the morning with Kevin & Tzong Zhao after only 5 hours of slp.. was really damn tired.. we get recruited after the interview & started work right away.. had the trg & on the spot, they made us do the calling le.. we worked until 5 & went to Vivocity cause Tzong Zhao need to get a b'day present for his frenz.. we walked ard the place but din really stayed there for long..

ard 6 plus, we went to the hawker at harbourfront interchange there for have our dinner.. reminded me about some past memories but it din stayed there for long & i am not as disturbed by it as it is in e past le.. :) we stayed there until 7 plus & i met teck.. made him take e same bus as me back even though he gt a direct bus home.. hehe...

snapshot.. he is reading at his schedule...

he went home to get his bicycle b4 coming down to meet me for supper at al-ameen.... i dun intend to eat alot one lo but he ordered alot of food so....... this time die liao..... i am really gaining weight like nobody business... i need determination & motivation to slim down down!!!!

now shall come to today....

woke up at 8 plus cause need to reach the workplace @ 11... as usual, kp doing the calling n stuffs... the results were not as gd as yest but i am quite satisfied le.. the managers there treated us to lunch today.. they brought us to a indonesian stall at 'Gong Sek Gai'.. the food there is really nice & authentic but i dun dare to eat much because of the weight constraint...

after work, 1 of the managers called me into the room & offered me another job offering.. its sort of like an internship thingy & sounds really attractive but i still need to thk about it.... den i went down to meet yaoquan & lijing who were there specially to pick me up to go to ECP.. we are going to blade there today with some of the odac ppl.. finally i am getting into some odac activities that is healthy....

i am the only there who need to go n rent a blade.. super mafan but surprisingly, the blade today is really gd... hehe.. we stayed there for 2 hours plus & blade to the jetty again.. its really fun blading with em.. thk we shall come out for tis kinda outing more.. hehe... after that, we went to the HK cafe at the Ubi area.. me & crystal took billy's car while e others took yq's one.. i must really thx yu peng for lending me his slippers... really pai seh cause in e end, he had no slippers to wear & had to walk barefooted on the road.. hehe.. another person i wanna thx is wayne, for his mocha blended treat.. hehe...

had a super sumptous meal at the HK cafe lo.. felt super guilty now... thk i gain more calories than wat i burnt today lo.. after the meal, quite a few of us went to the Settlers' Cafe for our 2nd round... we only managed to play an hour cause the place is closing at 11.. we played this game called Saboteur & its about some miner wanting to mine gold but they are obstructed by those sobotuer... its quite fun esp when u are playing in a group.... thk we are the noisest group in that place...

played until 11 & we wanted a 3rd round one but everyone is quite tired & some of us is having lesson tml morning... so we had to call it a day... yq sent me, lishan, lijing & eric back.... he really very cham lei.. everytime he go out with me, he will need to send me all the way back to woodlands b4 going back home.. really felt quite bad towards him lo....

felt like crying~~

i had been trying to do my MA tutorial from 1 until now & i only managed to do 1 qn... worse thing is i still required the solutions to help me understand & do the qns..... never felt so demoralised b4... felt like crying...

its been mths since i last started my sch but i haven been doing my assignment for other modules.. i have only touched on MA... felt so lost & lagging behind of time... qc said this yr will gonna be a tough yr & now i understand wat he means... having 3 incompetant lecturer isnt helping at all & its adding on to my burden instead... i need alot of time for self-study but i still have to work in order to sustain myself..... argh~~~ help me!!!!

slping beauty...

i have been slping more den 16 hours in total.. that's damn alot & now i am having this symptom when u slp too much ---> headache...

the clubbing on wed was crazy.. me & yaoquan had dinner together after i met him in sch.. we went to the tiong bahru shanghai restaurant.. its been more den 8 mths since we last went there.. that time was b4 he sold his civic away.. aft dinner, we went to zouk & it was already damn crowded.. had to park at river valley there cause the carpark anywhere near zouk is full, even the traffic was damn chaotic...

kevin & his fren were there too & they were behind the odac ppl in the queue.. can u believe, the queue had stretched until the bridge there.. wow... den we cant go in thru velvet cause there's a rule today.. if phuture n zouk was full ( which normally they will.. ) those having velvet chop cannot go in until 230.. so no choice, we have to continue queuing even though my fren at the velvet queue asked me to go over n join him.. argh!!

so from 1030 we stayed in the queue until 12 & end up being barred from entry cause everywhere was FULLHOUSE.... wat the hell.... so no choice, we have to change location & went to clarke quay instead.. went to the club call 'arena'... the music is not bad & there's a live band singing in between...

we stayed there until 4 & decide to go for supper cause the odac ppl from zouk was there already... by the time i was quite gone le.. find it damn hard to open my eyes & have to keep it close all e time.. when i reached the place, i was like lying on the table, slping most of the time.. totally duno who was there & wat they were doing & talking about... haha.. just waiting for time to pass & go home only.. hehe...

yaoquan send me back home in e end.. he had to take e longer route back because he scare i will wan to puke & he cant stop his car immediately alone the expressway.. :P thk i really always trouble him.. super pai seh ah... make him travel longer & reached home later.. by the time i reached my place its already 6 thk for him its even later lo....

slacking once again~~

was supposed to go & study wif jean darling today but we end up eating at Cartel & shopping ard bukit panjang plaza....

the weather today is damn nice for slping.. when my alarm clock ring, i just off it & started lazing.. ha.. its been so long since i last did that... i just hate to have morning classes during this weather...

was late for lesson once again cause of the traffic but its understandable as everyone is moving slower.. finally hand up my MA assignment.. aft class, we decide to go to panjang to study & met samantha @ the bus stop... went for lunch at panjang together cause she was going there to get a cake for her brother also.. that's when we decide to go to Cartel & 'give up' our study plan..

look at the amount of butter we took..

that's the combo meal we shared.. its damn filling..

we chatted about quite alot of things cause its really very hard for us to get together.. aft the meal, we went to shop for jean's fren b'day present.. its been half a yr since i last shop there, the last time was when we were having our CF paper.. haha.. still can rem how we used to study there b4 our paper.. hee...

i came back home after that cause was feeling damn tired but i just cant get to slp.. so jus nua & wait for time to pass.. gonna go & prepare soon for a zouk nite out with the odac ppl ( including billy & yaoquan.. ) hope its fun.. hehe...

brought ah chye to the facial place yest right aft my lect.. as for me, i went to find my aunt who stayed near the place instead cause now damn broke to go for facial.. had some catching up wif her cause quite long din see her also le.. the facial session lasted for ard 2 hours...

den we took a bus down to orchard to support pingwei who was there for SUBARU challenge.... when we reached, it was their breaktime & the whole thing is super chaotic.. they have to eat, drk, go to the washroom, rest, get the massage & do the necessary during that 5 min break!!! i must really salute to those who is still there when i reached.. its been more den 60 hrs since they stood there w/o any slp & must withstand those super unpredictable weather...

sorry for the poor quality photos.. my phone camera sucks..

aft seeing him getting his break, we went to haf our dinner @ mos burger cause the foodcourt is full of ppl... must thx ah chye for the treat.. :) aft dinner, we went straight up to support pingwei & his sister who was at the other side.. they really had alot of supporters & this moral support from em really help em to hang on in the competition.. we stayed from 8 plus until 2 plus b4 going back home with chye.. wei shyang stayed behind to keep him company cause yest nite is really a very crucial timing for em....

when i woke up this morning, i am really concerned whether is he still inside the comp & started msging em.. wei shyang only manage to reply me in e afternoon.. he told me that pingwei was out of the comp & in quite a bad state now, he is start to hallucinate already... he was the 2nd runner up in the comp.. really felt very 'ke xi' for him cause he was still in a very very gd state when we left him... but den i believe he already done his best & reached his limit le cause he is someone who is very very determined & will not gif up unless its really really necessary.... i felt really proud being a fren of his & have the chance to go to support him.. he really din let his frenz & family members down lo... to the frenz & family, he already won the match le.. :)

other than that, i also admire his sister.. she is very strong n determined also.. the whole lot of us can see she is at the limit & cant hold on anymore le... alot of ppl had told her to give up but she just dun wan.. she say she will want to hang on for as long as possible... from her looks we know she really cannot le but her mindset is really damn determined & positive... i must admit defeat to her determination cause i know i will never behave that way....

another thing i wanna mention is my dad's car gt into an accident!! the car was crashed by another m'sia car at the T-junction near my place.. when my mum called & tell me this i was damn sian lo.. cant imagine how my dad felt at that pt of time lo.. thk its even more sian den me.. wa.. tis yr we were damn suay lo... its not e 1st time this yr le!!!!! argH~~~~

biggest surprise~~~

went to JB early in e morning wif my family cause i need to go & get my make-up remover which is depleting... was feeling damn down tis morning cause i cant find my fav coin purse.. had been searching high & low for 2 days le but still cannot get it.. super sad.. :( tot my day would be damn sian already but i was TOTALLY wrong...

we went to have the 粿什 that mummy has been craving for mths.. its quite different from those normal one cause the 'kuey' is being replaced by hor fun.. on top of that, there is 猪血!!! its been super long since i ate that.. can still rem when i was really young, mummy would always bring me to Maxwell market to eat mee sua with that.. hehe.. those were the gd old memories...

the food looks appetising... yum yum...

as the time was still early, daddy suggested to go n take a look at the showroom of terrace house near Jusco.. since the shop wont be opening so early, we did not have any objection to wat he had suggested.. looking at those nice showroom, i will really have this envious feeling & wonder when will i be able to get such a place for my parents...

that's the swimming pool at one of the showroom..

we just kp looking at the diff showroom in the vicinity den daddy just drove into a completed housing estate... he drove in using the resident pass & park in front of the 1st house.. den he took out a key & ask my bro to go & open the gate.. the 1st thought that came to my mind is, he just got a new project & is bringing us to come & take a look at the place only.. that's wat he normally do lo... i even tell my mum tat when she questioned him whether he had bought the place... but tis time round, i was wrong........ my dad had bought the place & its only like 19km away from my place!!!! i was damn damn shocked.... this is e 1st time in my life that i experienced this feeling.. its not that i din experience any shocking or surprise b4, its just that this surprise is too big for me to handle le..... he had bought the place 2 yrs back & we din know until now.... wow, i mus really hand it to my dad... he had kept us in e dark for almost 2 yrs!!!!

we went to Jusco after our feelings had settled down.. went to haf pizza for lunch b4 walking ard the place.. my make-up remover went out of stock so need to place an order with em instead... den we went to stock up our daily neccessity b4 going back home...

felt quite bad cause i din managed to go & support pingwei who is in the subaru challenge.. no one to go down with me.. hope he wont mind & hope that he will hang on & win the competition.. :)

差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分
遇上了错的人
渐渐的吻在她无心的嘴唇
感觉像一个旅程 走完了就分
错过了对的人
决定就只在那一秒那一分
爱情的岔口
你是我等不到的路人
差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 就和你共度一生
因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身
差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分
错过了对的人
决定就只在那一秒那一分 如果没缘分
我也会固执的为你一人
差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 就和你共度一生
因为对的时间对的人
就值得我为你奋不顾身
差一点 你就是我的女人
差一些 手牵手的完整
却在对的时间错过对的人
抓不住幸福时分　

went to JB with my mum yest for lunch.. never tot that i would be 'leaving the country' yest.. when i was at the custom, some memories flashed back.. my whole mood is being affected to some extent once again... but i am trying my best to keep it at the controllable level...

we went to the HK cafe again & had the korean style stone rice.. haha.. abit funny rite, go to the HK cafe to eat korean food... but we gt drk the 'yuan yang' so still alrite la..

that's the japanese style one for my mum.. as for mine, i forgot to take the photo.. haha.. only realise that when i was stiring it... ( for ur reference, i took the curry pork one... )

as usual, we walked ard the place & see if there is any cheap bargain.. actually i am more interested in going to the super big jusco at the outskirt cause i need to get my make-up remover from the shop there.. apart from that place, i will have to go to KL or genting to get it!! shall ask my dad to bring me there on tis coming sun... hehe... finally no tuition on sun le, can go out wif my family.. because of the tuition thingy, they have been going to JB on sun w/o me.....

we came back in the late afternoon & i helped my dad to settle some of his stuffs.. aft that, i finally get my ass down to study & should i say read thru the articles for my MA.. next wk gt 2 assignment due & i am still blur about the concept.. having a test during one of this wk somemore.. tis time abit gone le...

as for today, i woke up early in e morning cause gonna work @ tampines with kevin.. luckily i gt a straight bus to go there so the time travelling is similar when i go to town.. as usual, we were quite slack in the morning.. not much mood to do the calling but force myself to do it cause at least need to account to the person who is paying us.... den the fujifilm IC call me up to brief me about the pay & the job scope.. yes, i got another new part-time job!!! this time round, i will be going ard selling fujifilm cameras.. just hope everything will be finalised & wont be like the SE thing..

that's how messy is our table when we are at work... ( that's still not the worse!!! )

aft work, we went to IKEA.. hee.. was craving for their swedish meatball & cheesecake but i din have both in e end, we went to eat their hotdog instead & den went over to Giant le.. din stay at IKEA to shop although i am more interested in staying there den going over to Giant cause i thk shopping at IKEA will need more time & energy but i am having none at that pt of time.. dun wish to go back home too late.... the Giant is really very similar to those that is in malaysia but it is still smaller in comparison... the coffee there is damn cheap & i bought 1 packet together with a hazelnut cuppucino back specially from tampines.... been quite a coffee addict recently.. esp having alot of cravings for hazelnut cuppucino......

after having dinner with kevin, we both took 168 back.. was thking of meeting alvin they all if they are still at CWP when i go back but by the time i call em, they were already preparing to go play basketball le... wanted to join em but while walking back, i felt damn tired so i din go in e end...

that is the present yaoquan brought back from aussie for me.. i actually have the intention to go & get it so when i saw the present i was really damn happy & surprised... must really thx him for being so sweet & nice towards us.. thk he muz have spent a bomb on the presents that he bought for us... he had to forego his favourite steak cause he need to buy the present for us lo... damn poor thing...

sitting on my bed with my special room light on & listening to the songs.. feeling abit moody now.. mayb i shoulnt use the word moody, thk emotional is a more appropriate word to describe how i am feeling ba...

was being reminded of the things that happened again today.. thk this will last for another few more days ba.. just hope it will be like today & wont get any worse... at least, i am still able to handle wat's going on inside of me now....

i dun thk this will be going on for long ba.. everyone is like back to where they are used to be already.. back to where their life is like when we din cross each other's path... i am saying this in general but in this aspect, yes, i mean me & him... we once promised that we will always be there for each other... i believe at that point of time we really meant wat we said but actually its very hard to fulfil it... that's the cruelity of reality & humanity... its not because we dun wan to do it but its because we cant.. i always believe in our heart, we will still care for each other just that using action to show it might be abit hard for us ba... :)

duno why, i just felt that we juxt cant be close frenz.. we can be considered to be clubbing frenz in e past, only asking each other whether we will be going to club that day or not.. mayb its due to my lifestyle in e past ba.. if not, i will ask him out to study but that's like only once.. other den that, we like dun haf any association at all until that point of time when things started... now, its even worse... thk he will feel weird asking me to go club because of wat we had gone thru & studying together its abit out of the qns also cause both of us cant conc when we are studying together.. so that leaves us with ZERO association now...wow, that's like even worse than the past...

sometimes i might thk that things might still be e same way as it is IF we din go to genting together.. haha... alot of ppl might thk ---> pls la, where gt so many if lo... things had already happened le so why bother to go & thk about the IF.... true la, but human will always like to thk about the possibilities when there is a IF because it just allows em to let their imagination run wild once in a while & let em enjoy the different 'outcomes'.... but come to thk of it, i really dun regret about the decision that i made during that time cause that outcome is sth which is beyond my imagination list... so now instead of feeling sad, i should feel contented instead & seriously, i am feeling that way... just like wat the song said even though i am losing him, i will do that with blessing... i really appreciate wat he had done for me in e past & wanna thx him for everything, everything that he had taken part in my life....

insomia~~

just came back from the 'fetching yaoquan' session.. yes, our mr yaoquan has come back from aussie... really missed him alot.. went to billy's place & go down to the airport wif him since he was driving.. was trying to study at home this afternoon but was distracted... distracted by wat i had written this afternoon......

was supposed to go to work but i din cause i just wan to be out doing sth i like to make up & make me forget the sad feeling & i dun thk working will help me to achieve that... so i rather forego the chance to earn some extra cash....

how's my new image with e hairband?? billy thk it looks abit weird... :(

yaoquan was @ the arrival pick up point when we reached there but lijing is still not there yet so we decided to go & fetch her... aft picking her up, we went to geylang to have tow huay & the oyster mee sua..... the mee sua is really quite nice.... den we went to pick lishan who is at clarke quay up.... wanted to go to settlers cafe but it closes at 11... so we change to timbre & this is where lijing got treated a flaming tower by billy... i see also feel seh for her lo....

the FLAMING tower...

we din stay at timbre for very long cause they tot of going to club @ zouk but we end up going to billy's place to try out yq's collection.. the bacardi 151 which has a super high alcohol content...

billy : "pour faster lei, i wan to try... "

yaoquan :"relac la..good thing is worth the wait lo... "

( the above conversation is created by ms yam... )

see the color of the alcohol, its yellowish.. ( the normal one is white in color... )

den yq show me a picture of another alcohol call 'astime' ( or sth like that ) that is packaged like a perfume.... but dun be taken in by its appearance cause it has an alcohol content of 80%!! that is almost equivalent of drinking pure alcohol used during injection.. that's crazy.....

lijing & billy's dog, coco....

am feeling super tired now but i just cant get to slp... alot of things are going thru in my mind now.... half a yr or i should say 26 wks back, at tis moment, i am like preparing to go to genting with em....... ha, you guys must have tot i am crazy or damn bo liao rite?? got the time to go n rem & thk about all this... sometimes i thk i am also very eng ah.. can rem & bother to rem this kinda of things... but that's me, when i get serious about sth, i will rem all those very small & minor details if not i will just f*** care about practically everything & will not waste my time & brain cell to go n thk about it...

i admit that i will still be affected by this issue but the sadness level is not as much le... its not excruciating anymore but i can still feel the pinch...