my heart is completely dead~~~`

i met him today... aft we broke off from last sat, tis was e 1st time we met face to face.. i am in such a dilemma, i am anticipating to see him but i am scare... mayb its too early for us to meet up lo... i tot so highly of myself, thking that i am completely fine n got over him le... but i am not lo... e moment i saw him, i felt so weird... i jux cant be myself in front of him...

when i had chance alone wif him, i asked him some qns n wish to clarify my doubts.. i asked him whether he will contact me at all if i din make e 1st move? he said he is busy n unless its necessary, he will not contact me at all..

so i asked him whether he gt thk of me in any way or miss me.. he said alittle bit.. n there is actually alot more things lo.. but i thk now write here oso no pt le.. but e most impt thing is the qns i asked him that make me completely si xin... make me know that it is e time to gif up completely n not hope for anything anymore..

i called n asked him whether he still love me after he went off.. although i told him the ans is either yes or no, he said duno for alot of times... until e end, he told me NO, he dun love me anymore.. my heart is completely crashed n tis time round, i really si xin le.. its barely a week since we broke up n he already dun love me anymore.. he is already fine n ok le.. i felt that i am like nth to him n means nth to him.. to him our nearly 20 mth r/s is not worth anything at all... i felt i am so stupid as to believe n hope that he will ask me back or cant bear to leave me.. i am so stupid.. really so stupid lo.. he cant jux live on n treat me as a fren only but i jux cant lo... y am i so weak?? all my frenz told me to move on n dun contact me anymore but i jux cant do it.. y am i so xin ruan??

tis time round, thk i am really si xin le.. i will not contact him or make e 1st move anymore.. at tis moment i jux dun wan to haf any dealing wif him at all.. mayb tis way i will heal n recover faster.. i need a shoulder for me to cry my hearts out.. i jux need a gd cry n i thk i will be ok le.. so any kind soul, plz lend me a shoulder at e chalet k?? let me drk oso, dun stop me.. jux t/c of me when i am drunk.. hee..