thx guys..

jux came back from a long 'vacation' yest.... went to the chalet wif qi they all.. quite happy coz at least for that few days i can run away from the reality.. tis few wks, alot of bad things keep on happening to me.. i am on the verge of breaking down le.. if not for this chalet n having my frenz by my side, i thk i will really xiang bu kai lo..

i wan to cry my heart out n get myself drunk during the chalet one.. but i jux duno how to go abt it lo.. i had never cry in front of any of my frenz except him.. i had never cry to anyone beside him so i really duno how.. end up, i din get drunk n cry like i wanted to even though i felt really upset n hurt by him once again..

i finally replied to his sms but i regretted msging him.. coz it only make myself upset once again.. it only made me place hope on him once again, which is a very stupid thing to do on my part.. once again, his action made me realised n confirmed that i am a nobody to him anymore.. in his heart, i no longer had a place anymore.. why am i so stupid to gif him a chance to hurt me again n again..

on sun nite, i really felt like making myself drunk, but i dun haf e courage.. i scare i will cry in front of qi they all.. i dun wish to bother em n made em worried abt me again le.. i had been feeling very bad for bothering my frenz wif all my troubles recently le.. so sorry guys..

when e chalet ended yest, i felt empty once more.. i know i haf to come back to e reality n face wat i had to face.. i had to face the fact i am rejected admission to the uni, face the fact that i broke up wif him and oso the fact that i am no longer the impt person i once was in his life anymore.. ( mayb all along, i am not an impt person to him at all ) now, i can only tell myself that it is impossible anymore n move on.. i wish that he will not contact me anymore, coz i am really scare that i will be wavered n haf hope for him again..

i really wan to thx my fren for supporting me, lending me a listening ear n not finding me a nuisance tis few wks.. i haf been bothering u all wif all my pros.. sorry lei.. w/o u all i wont be able to come so far lo.. there is one person whom i really muz thx one.. his name is MC.. thx for lending me a listening ear all tis yrs n giving me advices.. u are really v nice n swt to me.. u are probably the nicest guy who treat me in tis world other den my dad le.. even him, doesnt treat me so well like u did.. thx for everything that u haf done for me.. i am sorry for hurting u.. really really sorry.. i dun mean it one..