i tot i would never feel anything ever since yest.. i tot i haf lost all the feelings n are numb already but no.... i felt the pain... its excruciating, in fact, no words can describe it at all....

i never tot tat he would come today cause in e 1st place he was sick & i really dun thk he can treat me normally aft wat happened yest.. unless wat happened doesnt mean anything... tat's why i never woke up early in e morning although i set my alarm cause i dun wan to be awake n wait for his msg telling me he is coming or not.. its too unbearable... its contradicting rite.. set my alarm but dun dare to wake up n face it.... wat am i thking??

we met in e lib n went for lunch.. on e way there he asked me do i hate him?? i know tat today he came for a reason n its not so simple as to jux study but i never tot he would ask me so soon.... seriously, i dun blame him or feel angry wif him... never... i dun care whether he make the decision for me or jux for himself, but i will never blame him for watever decision he make provided he tell me.. wat i cannot stand is when u dun account for anything n went into disappearing mode... tat's one thing i really cannot accept n really hate....

i am totally in no mood to study.... jux read a few pages of my notes n nth goes in.. but i expect it already cause i already told myself tat today is a slacking day for me.. as for him, its never a study time for him whenever i study wif him... tis is e 3rd time already n everytime we will jux end up slacking.... well, we are jux fated not to be able to study seriously together...

we went out to haf a chat n tok abt alot of things... he is jux like me last time, like to thrash things out n clear everything up.. as for me, i am jux like teck.... duno how to express myself... actually is not tat i really duno how to express but i jux dun wan to hurt him... i also know the e best way out is to tok abt it n i really wan to let him know how i feel esp when now i am given a chance to do so... but things arent jux abt me..... i cant be so selfish as to blurt out everything n dun care abt his feelings aft hearing it..... i muz thk in his shoes oso.....

he said how come i can so xiao sa... actually at tat pt of time i am not sure whether i am really feeling tat or i haf already hypnotise n make myself believe tat i can do tat... but later in e evenin, i know its e the latter one... i am saying all those things in e afternoon to make him feel beta & lie to myself tat i can do it.... i am letting my rational tots to handle tis thing... come to thk of it, i am really a good liar cause i can even lie to myself n at one pt i really believe tat i am feeling tat way..... but when we are at the ktv, things changed.....

e moment i cried, i know tat's it... i will be rule by my heart from den on.... from yest until now, aft he called n told me everything has come to an end, i din shed a tear..... din even feel the urge of crying..... i tot am already immune to all tis n jux dun feel anything already.... but he sang tat song....... i cried.... i knew i will when i saw him inserting the song up.... i tot i could control, guess i thk too highly of myself..... aft tat, i can really feel the pain..... the feeling of cant letting go n dun wish to let go..... n wat's more is i can do nth to change it...

i am tat kinda of person who wont go n try or change one's mindset cause i always believe tat once a person make up his mind, theres no pt to change wat he thk.... tat's a lesson learnt from the previous r/s... in e previous one, i always put down my pride as a gal to try to salvage things etc.. tat's y i told myself tat i wont do it again unless its really really necessary & today, to some extent, i did try to change him even though i know i cant...... stupid rite.. already know the ans le den still do it again.....

in e ktv, most of the songs tat i sing today means sth... in fact i can say all.... today the feeling of the whole ktv session is quite diff from the previous ones... i din sing alot of songs tat i wanted to sing & haf sang in our past ones.... cause i know if i do tat, he will feel more painful... i haf already inflict alot of pain on him, i dun wish to add on more to it... actually, he told me tat he felt abit diff abt how i treat him today... i can sense it also.. i dun dare to look at him straight in e eyes.... i dun dare to sit near him & alot more... cause i know i wont be able to control myself.... & i really cant, i started crying uncontrollably out of a sudden.... i really cant help it... its been weighing on me & at that pt of time, i jux let everything out.... so sia suay.... cried more den 3 times today n he saw everything.. argh.... so pai seh... throw face throw until duno where liao......

aft the whole thing, he sent me back home... walking along the same way back all the time but tis time round, the feelings of 'se bu de' is super strong..... cause when i reach my place, tat's mark the end of our whole r/s.... some would say tat ours are never consider as a r/s at all.... well, i dun care.... if next time someone ask me how many bf do u haf, i will ans 2 straightaway.... even though tis whole thing is damn short, the feelings are real & tat's wat matters to me...